[omarkhan10]

Hey everyone, I wanted to get the opinions of other muslims (beside my parents) about senior prom. I really want to go with my guy friends and girl friends, but my old man vehemently opposed with the idea of me going to a 'booze-filled-adultery-fest-unprotected-sex-apalooza' My mom's a bit more lenient, I can go, but I'd have to go stag, and not interact with girls (because as you know even socializing with a member of the opposite sex will send you straight to hell).
I skipped prom last year. I've never really gone to any dances. And I'm in a conservative town in northern Maine, so I can't exactly find the only other muslim dude and have a muslim prom. All I want to do is just hang out with my friends, bring one friend as a 'date' and just chill in our little auditorium- it's not like we can dance, that's been banned, as was any actual physical contact at my school's dances.
I was hoping someone who's gone through something similar can just tell me what they did, or give me tips.
Thanks

[Salika]

If you want to hang out with your friends, then why prom? Just go out for a movie. Trust me, a couple of months from now, prom won't matter and half of your friends won't remember you or care about you. Not trying to be mean, but that's just how people are. Anyways, my point is, don't risk disobeying God over something fleeting.

[zaina29]

I went to my prom and I'm a girl, all you have to do is be honest to your parents, let them know when it starts, when it ends and anything else they need to know. Honesty. Do you plan on getting wild and being bad at prom, if so think about why exactly you want to go.

Also, I agree prom was fun for like 5 minutes...and now after being in university for 3years I have lost the great friendships I had in high school because everyone changes and slips away..but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy those moments of joy with your friends now.

Hope this helps:)

[omarkhan10]

Salika, Prom is well... prom, definitely more memorable than going to the movies (which I'm also not allowed to do with friends). Prom's our last hurrah before we move our separate ways. I disagree with your statement about my friends forgetting/not caring about me. but I'll not get into that.
I risk disobeying god whenever I flirt with a girl. Whenever I go work on a lab or project with a girl. When I hit on a girl. When I get their numbers. My small private school is 70% female, there's lots of room for disobeying god. The only part about prom I believe I have to be weary about are the after-parties, which I would never attend anyway.

[YOUSUFofSD]

I'll be blunt since your hopefully asking for honest answers. It's not an event that Muslims should attend.

[omarkhan10]

YOUSUFofSD said:

I'll be blunt since your hopefully asking for honest answers. It's not an event that Muslims should attend.

Why is it that you believe a muslim shouldn't attend prom, just with friends, or hell, even going stag? I know there's the obvious, it'll introduce me to sex, drugs, and rock n roll etc etc. But, really, from what my classmates told me, it's just groups of friends sitting in tables and eating from the buffet and reminiscing.

[ChotooMotoo]

I went to prom (before I was Muslim) and I didn't do anything shady. If you're going to prom and you want to try and halalify it even a little (a very little) make sure you go stag. Unless you're going with your sister, I don't see how you can have a "date" for prom, or actually dance with anyone.

[TrentReznor858]

"Two may talk together under the same roof for many years, yet never really meet; and two others at first speech are old friends."
- Mary Catherwood

Friends are the most important ingredient in this recipe of life."
- (sent by Dior Yamasaki)

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."
- Mother Teresa

"There is magic in the memory of schoolboy friendships; it softens the heart, and even affects the nervous system of those who have no heart."
- Bejamin Disraeli

You want my advice? Go to the prom. Allah alone knows your true intentions, but you seem to genuinly want to hang out with your friends. If that is the case, then do it, and have a hell of a time doing it. Once your friends have gone their seperate ways, you will always have the memory of one last good time with your old crew.

[AM415]

My best memory of high school is prom night. And I never went to prom, but my friends and I got together (and acted like total idiots). good times...good times...

By the way, my parents didn't tell me not to go to prom, it was my decision.

On a side note, why would you want to bring a date if you went? What good can come from that?

[ChotooMotoo]

AM415 said:

My best memory of high school is prom night. And I never went to prom, but my friends and I got together (and acted like total idiots). good times...good times...

By the way, my parents didn't tell me not to go to prom, it was my decision.

On a side note, why would you want to bring a date if you went? What good can come from that?

I guess it could be okay if she was Lesbian and her school was super discriminatory for her because of it (like another school that was in the news recently)

[EirinnMoChroi]

Salika said:

If you want to hang out with your friends, then why prom? Just go out for a movie. Trust me, a couple of months from now, prom won't matter and half of your friends won't remember you or care about you. Not trying to be mean, but that's just how people are. Anyways, my point is, don't risk disobeying God over something fleeting.

Im truly not trying to rip on you but I feel a little sad to see this post.

Omarkhan, I am really bummed that I was only at prom for like 15 minutes before leaving with friends. Prom is great experience and it does not have to be "disobeying" God. Nobody is asking you to dirty dance with a bunch of women with a beer in your hand. However, going and having a great social time with friends is not wrong. You know yourself. If you know that you can go to prom and still maintain a healthy Muslim attitude while being there, then knock yourself out and enjoy your senior prom. You only get to do it once.

btw, your school sounds so Footloose. Dancing is seriously banned? Why even have a prom if you cant have dancing? What is everyone going to do? Sit around and stare at each other?

[YOUSUFofSD]

omarkhan10 said:

Why is it that you believe a muslim shouldn't attend prom, just with friends, or hell, even going stag? I know there's the obvious, it'll introduce me to sex, drugs, and rock n roll etc etc. But, really, from what my classmates told me, it's just groups of friends sitting in tables and eating from the buffet and reminiscing.

You answered your own question. It's not a good environment in general and especially not for a Musilm. Though what your talking about just eating and sitting at table by the buffet doesn't sound like a prom to me. But then I never went to mine.

[SugarB]

your parents seriously dont let you go to movies? thats kinda extreme. maybe going isnt that big a deal if your going with your guy friends and you dont go the after parties.

[EirinnMoChroi]

omarkhan10 said:

Salika, Prom is well... prom, definitely more memorable than going to the movies (which I'm also not allowed to do with friends). Prom's our last hurrah before we move our separate ways. I disagree with your statement about my friends forgetting/not caring about me. but I'll not get into that.
I risk disobeying god whenever I flirt with a girl. Whenever I go work on a lab or project with a girl. When I hit on a girl. When I get their numbers. My small private school is 70% female, there's lots of room for disobeying god. The only part about prom I believe I have to be weary about are the after-parties, which I would never attend anyway.

ya know, not all of us are lucky enough to have parents or aunties that can hook us up with a good Muslim husband. Some of us, like myself, are the only Muslim in the family and have to actually ask for the phone number and speak to a Muslim man. Hell, I have to even go out to dinner with them and things! lol. How else are you going to find a spouse?

What im trying to say is that NEVER hitting on a girl or getting ones number or working on a lab report with one is not possible for everybody and does not have to be against God. What the heck is someone like me supossed to do when they want to get married? Marry someone right off of singlemuslim.com for fear of disobeying God by flirting before marriage? Im sorry, I dont find that at all realistic or at all sinful. If you were macking on these girls and sizing them up and saying "how you doin'" all Joey Tribiani style to them, then sure, that would be disrespectful not only to God but also to the girl... but simply enjoying a conversation with a woman and finding one attractive and wanting to get to know her is not WRONG.

omarkhan10 said:

Why is it that you believe a muslim shouldn't attend prom, just with friends, or hell, even going stag? I know there's the obvious, it'll introduce me to sex, drugs, and rock n roll etc etc. But, really, from what my classmates told me, it's just groups of friends sitting in tables and eating from the buffet and reminiscing.

wow I hope you toss your tv out the window and sit in a corner in your bedroom all day too. lol. LIFE introduces you to those things. Its up to you to face the hardships and say "no thanks. Id rather not." You dont have to skip your prom just because there might be rock and roll playing.

And take it from me, I went to prom and there was no sex or drugs going on. Sure, there was afterwards in the privacy of some of the students...hotel rooms... but not there in the gym of the school.

[YOUSUFofSD]

IrishMuslimah said:

ya know, not all of us are lucky enough to have parents or aunties that can hook us up with a good Muslim husband. Some of us, like myself, are the only Muslim in the family and have to actually ask for the phone number and speak to a Muslim man. Hell, I have to even go out to dinner with them and things! lol. How else are you going to find a spouse?

What im trying to say is that NEVER hitting on a girl or getting ones number or working on a lab report with one is not possible for everybody and does not have to be against God. What the heck is someone like me supossed to do when they want to get married? Marry someone right off of singlemuslim.com for fear of disobeying God by flirting before marriage? Im sorry, I dont find that at all realistic or at all sinful. If you were macking on these girls and sizing them up and saying "how you doin'" all Joey Tribiani style to them, then sure, that would be disrespectful not only to God but also to the girl... but simply enjoying a conversation with a woman and finding one attractive and wanting to get to know her is not WRONG.

Talk to the Imam of your Masjid about getting married, and have a chaperone(spelling) go with you to make it Halal when you do go to get to know each other.

[EirinnMoChroi]

YOUSUFofSD said:

Talk to the Imam of your Masjid about getting married, and have a chaperone(spelling) go with you to make it Halal when you do go to get to know each other.

I was not willing to sit and discuss marriage over a coffee with my Imam sitting next to me. lol. I went to dinner with my husband, went to movies with him, even held his hand before marriage :-o

My idea of "chaperone" is not to bring my friend to sit and make sure we dont go off into a dark corner... its to go somewhere public. You can go to the park and talk, you can go to a restaraunt... go somewhere wehre there are other people. I dont believe you need to double date and NEVER have the privacy to share whats in your heart with each other. A public park is chaperone enough in my opinion

In my honest opinon, marriage (at least for me) requires a lot of friendship building and a strong foundation of trust. I dont believe I can develop that with someone sitting next to me "watching" me like a 5 year old.

[YOUSUFofSD]

IrishMuslimah said:

I was not willing to sit and discuss marriage over a coffee with my Imam sitting next to me. lol. I went to dinner with my husband, went to movies with him, even held his hand before marriage :-o

My idea of "chaperone" is not to bring my friend to sit and make sure we dont go off into a dark corner... its to go somewhere public. You can go to the park and talk, you can go to a restaraunt... go somewhere wehre there are other people. I dont believe you need to double date and NEVER have the privacy to share whats in your heart with each other. A public park is chaperone enough in my opinion

Agreed, your opinion is your opinion

I was just trying to repeat what most, if not all, Imam's that I have heard talk about this issue.

[EirinnMoChroi]

YOUSUFofSD said:

Agreed, your opinion is your opinion

I was just trying to repeat what most, if not all, Imam's that I have heard talk about this issue.

I think a lot of that would be possible had I grown up in a culture that supported that. However, many American converts grow up with the idea of dating and really 100% loving and trusting someone before they marry them. Now that I have experienced marriage, it really takes so much work... I dont know how else you could possibly feel ready for marriage WITHOUT dating someone and having that strong foundation first.

Of course, my argument is that dating does not have to be haram. There are ways to date that are healthy and Islam-friendly

[zzze]

For me, verifying the person's character through (through 3rd parties) comes first. Anything beyond figuring out the person's personality and his compatibility with me feels like a waste of time *imo*. Words are just words. I also think pre-marriage 'love' is a shaky motivation when working to keep a marriage together. It goes back to marriage being an enjoyable means to an end.

erm, prom...whatever your heart is comfortable with?

[Salika]

omarkhan10 said:

Salika, Prom is well... prom, definitely more memorable than going to the movies (which I'm also not allowed to do with friends). Prom's our last hurrah before we move our separate ways. I disagree with your statement about my friends forgetting/not caring about me. but I'll not get into that.
I risk disobeying god whenever I flirt with a girl. Whenever I go work on a lab or project with a girl. When I hit on a girl. When I get their numbers. My small private school is 70% female, there's lots of room for disobeying god. The only part about prom I believe I have to be weary about are the after-parties, which I would never attend anyway.

You make it sound like I've never attended a public high school or had/have friends.

Anyways, yes, you always *risk* disobeying God.. but that's the point, don't put yourself in a situation in which you risk it and there is a probability that something bad will happen (uh, like flirting with girls?). And I realize you may not *plan* on doing something wrong-- but we all do things we have no planned, often in the face of peer pressure. That's all I have to say.

Anyways, you asked for our advice and I gave it to you. You seem to be debating with everyone who has an opinion that differs with yours so I guess you're pretty set on your decision so it seems like this thread is pointless...

IrishMuslimah said:

I think a lot of that would be possible had I grown up in a culture that supported that. However, many American converts grow up with the idea of dating and really 100% loving and trusting someone before they marry them. Now that I have experienced marriage, it really takes so much work... I dont know how else you could possibly feel ready for marriage WITHOUT dating someone and having that strong foundation first.

Of course, my argument is that dating does not have to be haram. There are ways to date that are healthy and Islam-friendly

I knew my husband a little over a week before he proposed and I accepted and we have a very strong marriage alhamdulillah. I can also think of TONS of people who dated prior to marriage and are divorced. Just sayin....

This post has been edited by Salika: 24 March 2010 - 10:00 PM
Reason for edit: This was automatically merged to prevent double-posting.