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The Fine Line Between Snooping and Monitoring


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#1 sumi

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Posted 16 February 2009 - 05:12 PM

:D

so i was watching the tyra banks show (shut up.. i'll punch you in the face i swear!), and the topic today was mothers snooping on their children, mostly teenage girls. so i wanted to know what islamica thinks...

- do you see a difference between snooping and monitoring your child?

- what would you think goes too far, violating their trust/respect?

- should snooping only be done when the child has done something to break your trust/respect?

- what level of monitoring are you comfortable with during ordinary every day occasions, when your child hasn't done anything to break your trust?

- how do you think it affects your child's self esteem?

- what do you think about:

1. going through their cell phones to write down phone numbers dialed/calls received, so you can call those numbers later to find out who that person really is

2. going back and reading text messages sent/received

3. strip searches of your child when you feel it is appropriate

4. searching their rooms

5. eavesdropping

6. put a gps tracking thing in your kid's cell phone so you know where they are at all times

7. read their diaries

8. install a software on the computer so you know exactly what they're doing when they're using it

9. installing a device in the car so you know how fast they drive, etc etc

123 GO! :)

#2 wheelworks

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Posted 16 February 2009 - 05:16 PM

What the heck made you watch the Tyra Banks show? :)

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#3 Anderson

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Posted 16 February 2009 - 05:20 PM

All no except 6.

I had that idea like six years ago, I don't want anyone trying to steal my babies.

#4 Ahmad89

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Posted 16 February 2009 - 05:55 PM

When I was younger, I caught my mom reading my journal and going through my backpack and going on my computer to see what forums I go to and see what I say.


I'm now paranoid of my mom and I can't trust her.

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#5 MossadConspiracy

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Posted 16 February 2009 - 06:00 PM

i could melt you all down by saying that i would only do those things to my wife

also, most of those things are psycho-level actions, you might as well have included cavity searches
It was the Mossad!!

#6 Mozlem

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Posted 16 February 2009 - 06:19 PM

i could melt you all down by saying that i would only do those things to my wife

also, most of those things are psycho-level actions, you might as well have included cavity searches


Why would anyone care unless they were your future spouse?

#7 MossadConspiracy

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Posted 16 February 2009 - 06:20 PM

haha i have no idea but if i had made the joke instead of phrasing it as a comment about making the joke, they would have
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#8 TrentReznor858

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Posted 17 February 2009 - 12:14 AM

i could melt you all down by saying that i would only do those things to my wife

also, most of those things are psycho-level actions, you might as well have included cavity searches


wooooooooooowww arent you cool :eek:
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#9 dreamdeferred

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Posted 17 February 2009 - 01:52 AM

I think we should dedicate an entire branch of government to monitor and snoop on the populace to prevent people from watching Tyra. :eek:

Most of those points seem like a little......much?! I mean....there's a balance between being involved in and aware of your child's activities/peers/whereabouts and suffocating control. The latter would probably result in poor self-actualization.

Anyway....this thread reminds me of this song

[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7bQwin3Vv0k"]YouTube - Rockwell - Somebody's Watching Me[/ame]
Modern life. Where are we running? Sometimes what we
want is not always where we are.
Are we alone? Is the real winter inside our hearts? We are all struggling for definition in a world that resists our inquiries.
-Tom Haverford
:lol::faint:

#10 EirinnMoChroi

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 09:44 PM

Hey everyone. I have some questions that I thought would be interesting to get input on to see how people in here view these controversial subjects.

If you have a child who is a pre-teen/teenager, do you think it is ok to go through their things? Do you think its ok to go through their rooms when they arent home? To follow them places? To read their emails and diaries? To go through their cell phone?

Is privacy something that is a privalige or is it a "you cant teach your child to be trustworthy if you dont trust them" sort of a situation?

When do you think its ok to "snoop", if you think its ok at all?

#11 Sapphire

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Posted 04 May 2010 - 08:16 AM

My mum did that to me, and I had NO privacy at all. It meant a lot of issues growing up. I felt like she would snoop at any given opportunity and it was horrible for me to not be able to have anything private or thats my own. I guess I probably wouldn't snoop unless I had good reason to, i wouldn't read my childs diary unless I had to.

I guess its a difficult situation really, i hate being snooped on and wouldnt really want to snoop on someone. Maybe I'll get my future hubby to do it? :p
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#12 sumi

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Posted 04 May 2010 - 09:58 AM

search! it's your friend.

http://www.islamicaw...monitoring.html


merged.

#13 salmasays2

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Posted 04 May 2010 - 11:46 AM

I would do 8,2 and 6. The rest... I would read a diary if something crazy was going on and my kid wasn't talking to me. I hope we have a good relationship and they can be smart enough that I don't have to be down their throat 24/7. At the same time I think if they are screwing up it's my job to figure it out and correct them... no?

but i dont have kids yet so i dunno.
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#14 zakk

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Posted 25 May 2010 - 12:46 AM

Madiha's almost 10. I don't read her diary or letters. But her room is open access, she shares it with Haneef and it's a walk through type of room in the center of the house. Plus, I'm the one who cleans/organizes her stuff. Sometimes I find illicit materials like candy wrappers stashed in her drawer and then she gets in trouble for eating candy and for not properly disposing of trash :sister:

She doesn't have email or a cell phone and is only allowed to use the computer for school purposes with supervision.

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#15 DawudIsrael

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Posted 25 May 2010 - 01:34 AM

The best way to monitor someone is to let them do their own self-surveillance. Tell them you trust them and they will honor that.

If they did something shady, they will come out with it eventually themselves.

I knew one sister whose brother used software to track her keyboard movements on the computer. Needless, to say, I came to realize this girl had issues and that was why her brother did it. It was sad, but then I realized how many people actually use this software to get dirt on each other- I wouldn't be surprised if this crazy girl got her hands on it and used it on others.

As soon as trust is lost, everything is lost- I don't see the point. You have cut yourself off from the person. Just think: without trust in God (tawakkul) what religion is left?

#16 sumi

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Posted 25 May 2010 - 07:54 AM

Madiha's almost 10. I don't read her diary or letters. But her room is open access, she shares it with Haneef and it's a walk through type of room in the center of the house. Plus, I'm the one who cleans/organizes her stuff. Sometimes I find illicit materials like candy wrappers stashed in her drawer and then she gets in trouble for eating candy and for not properly disposing of trash :what:

She doesn't have email or a cell phone and is only allowed to use the computer for school purposes with supervision.


:thumbup:

i dont understand why 7 year olds have cell phones and open access to the internet. :what:

#17 Purple_alien

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Posted 25 May 2010 - 07:58 AM

:thumbup:

i dont understand why 7 year olds have cell phones and open access to the internet. :what:


um, to keep up with they homies, duh:rolleyes:
My mom was all up in my stuff. She still is, and I am in my late 20s. She is just nosy and is always looking for something to blackmail me with. I can't complain though, I had some pretty crazy friends, and while I wasn't doing what they did, I was their friend. She needed proof I was being good. And I was. I am much too lazy to do bad stuff, even now.
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#18 zzze

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Posted 25 May 2010 - 08:57 AM

What on earth! Most of those things are a no-go for me, especially so if the child doesn't break my trust. I'm really not sure ln the Islamic standpoint of privacy and children, but reading diaries etc...that's way,way out of line.

In my childless opinion i'd like to think I could educate my child on good conduct and instill self respect and a dollop of sensibility.

Ways in which I might monitor would be keeping the PC in the living room, having itemised billing on a contract phone and keeping lines of communication very open. I wouldn't go through the itemised bill religiously, but if the same unknown number came up continually I'd enquire casually as to who it was. InshaAllah there would be no major secrets and I wouldn't be suspicious so that the child automatically went on the defense (even when they're innocent.) I think a good upbringing and a close relationship with the parents is vital...as is paying attention to the child's needs and behavioural changes.

Yeah having kids is way too much responsibility :thumbup:
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