[Hanbali]

Salam. I plan on asking whoever I marry to sign a prenuptial agreement. How many sisters here would sign it, how many would be offended by this, and how many would think no issue of it.

Please disregard the fact that it is I, the male chauvinist pig, who is posting this thread. Imagine it is Rambo.

[Raeesa]

can we ask the same to the brothers.. although islamically women own theyre wealth, in british law at least the husband is able to take her a share of her property, wealth and investments. I wonder how many brothers would sign a prenup especially when there are smart, working women out there who r pretty well off..?

[Hanbali]

Raeesa said:

can we ask the same to the brothers.. although islamically women own theyre wealth, in british law at least the husband is able to take her a share of her property, wealth and investments. I wonder how many brothers would sign a prenup especially when there are smart, working women out there who r pretty well off..?

Well, I would never marry someone smarter than me (as if such a girl exists), nor would I marry someone who makes more money than me. I think money is power, and when a girl knows she makes more money than you, then she would abuse this in a way against the laws of Islam. Women nowadays are rebellious enough, even without having more money than the husband...one can only imagine those women that wear the pants in the relationship.

So to answer your question, I would never marry such a woman to begin with.

I like the idea of us ugly nerds marrying hot women. We got the brains/money, they got the trophy wife looks. Perfect balance.

[Mozlem]

My accountant wanted me to get a prenup before we got married, but I'm not into that so I never mentioned it to the husband. We also didn't have a really long and involved nikkah contract. We just used the standard one the masjid provides.

Given this:

Hanbali said:

Well, I would never marry someone smarter than me (as if such a girl exists), nor would I marry someone who makes more money than me. I think money is power, and when a girl knows she makes more money than you, then she would abuse this in a way against the laws of Islam. Women nowadays are rebellious enough, even without having more money than the husband...one can only imagine those women that wear the pants in the relationship.

So to answer your question, I would never marry such a woman to begin with.

I like the idea of us ugly nerds marrying hot women. We got the brains/money, they got the trophy wife looks. Perfect balance.

I hope your future wife refuses to sign.

[Hanbali]

PhDGirl said:

My accountant wanted me to get a prenup before we got married, but I'm not into that so I never mentioned it to the husband. We also didn't have a really long and involved nikkah contract. We just used the standard one the masjid provides.

Given this:



I hope your future wife refuses to sign.

On a serious and unbiased note, don't you think that women nowadays are disobedient and rebellious to their husbands?

Again, try not to let your opinion be affected by the fact that it is I who asked this.

[Mozlem]

Hanbali said:

On a serious and unbiased note, don't you think that women nowadays are disobedient and rebellious to their husbands?

Again, try not to let your opinion be affected by the fact that it is I who asked this.

I think you are viewing the marital relationship like a parent-child one. Do you expect to give your wife orders the way that your chief resident will do to you when you're an intern?

[Jamroll]

Hanbali said:

I like the idea of us ugly nerds marrying hot women. We got the brains/money, they got the trophy wife looks. Perfect balance.

I second this motion. For too long we have toiled away being the CPU of the human race. It's about time us nerds who are aesthetically challenged get what's due to us.

[ShotgunMessiah]

Hanbali said:

On a serious and unbiased note, don't you think that women nowadays are disobedient and rebellious to their husbands?

Again, try not to let your opinion be affected by the fact that it is I who asked this.

I don't think "rebellious" is the correct word to use, necessarily.

I think women nowadays are looking out for themselves more than historically, which I see as a good thing. It makes them less reliant on the husband, and in an era with divorce rates so high they need to be as independant as they can. If they can get a higher education and get a great job, more power to them.

If you're referring to something else, something that I might constitute as "rebellious" where she puts herself ahead of the household or "disobedient" where she refuses to handle her duties, well... I just don't see it. That's my experience, anyway.

[Jamroll]

Hanbali said:

On a serious and unbiased note, don't you think that women nowadays are disobedient and rebellious to their husbands?

Again, try not to let your opinion be affected by the fact that it is I who asked this.

They are confused and trying to do too much at once. This leads to chaos in their minds. It is not their fault. Don't blame them, help them.

Have you ever seen this show called Super Nanny?

In that show, the child is not punished, but given guidance and boundaries. There is one method called the Naughty Step, where the child is given a timeout if it misbehaves. It is not demeaning, but reinforces boundaries for the child. Everyone needs boundaries in some shape or form. I don't see why this should be limited to children. I think this could work with other family members, including the wife.

Naughty Step could revolutionise the way we interact with others, because it doesn't punish or demean, but corrects bad behaviour.

[Hanbali]

PhDGirl said:

I think you are viewing the marital relationship like a parent-child one. Do you expect to give your wife orders the way that your chief resident will do to you when you're an intern?

Do you think that the marriage relationship is between two parties that are equal in degree without any one of them being the leader of the other one?

[Mozlem]

Oh good, this post has brought out the sexist "jokes"! Oh well, typical I suppose.

Hanbali, perhaps you should visit some remote villages in Pakistan to find a bride before you come back home.

[Hanbali]

And the analogy I'd go with is not an attending vs intern, but rather a benevolent king married to a princess.

[Hanbali]

PhDGirl said:

Oh good, this post has brought out the sexist "jokes"! Oh well, typical I suppose.

I am not making a "sexist joke". I am asking you a serious question. Do you think that marriage is between two people of an equal degree? Please answer the question.

[Jamroll]

PhDGirl said:

Hanbali, perhaps you should visit some remote villages in Pakistan to find a bride before you come back home.

I agree with this. But a village isn't necessary. A town would probably work aswell.

I do agree with you though. The girls from "back home" have a different mindset and set of expectations from a girl who's been raised in the West. One is not better than the other. They're just different.

[Hanbali]

Jamroll said:

I agree with this. But a village isn't necessary. A town would probably work aswell.

I do agree with you though. The girls from "back home" have a different mindset and set of expectations from a girl who's been raised in the West. One is not better than the other. They're just different.

Jam, how could be a disobedient wife be equal to an obedient one?

[Mozlem]

Hanbali said:

I am not making a "sexist joke". I am asking you a serious question. Do you think that marriage is between two people of an equal degree without one being the leader of the other, without one excelling over the other?

Not you - Jamroll. I know you're being serious.

I think that in marriage, people have domains and you cede control for those areas. What the areas are depends. As for big decisions (like where to live or something), I really don't think that it's a good idea for one person to declare "We are moving to X" and expect the other person to willingly follow and then have a harmonious existence (obviously a situation like match where there isn't much of a choice is different because you don't get to pick either).

I think you guys have this idea that women "back home" are all submissive and the ones raised in the West are not. That's not really true - there's a mix of people in both places.

[displaced]

Hanbali said:

And the analogy I'd go with is not an attending vs intern, but rather a benevolent king married to a princess.

really? what are your "kingly" qualities?

let me preface what I'm about to say with this: I don't think a marriage can be 50-50 and am alright with conceding to my husband not because I have to but because each person in a marriage has to compromise for the sake of the comfort of their spouse.

however, I think it's interesting (to put it nicely) that a man assumes he should have an obedient wife. plenty of men are idiots and plenty of women are smarter. does having a penis automatically make you worthy of respect? absolutely not. you, jaysh, are arrogant and your personality doesn't command respect yet you expect it as your birthright.

[Jamroll]

Hanbali said:

Jam, how could be a disobedient wife be superior to an obedient one?

Because it depends on how we define "disobedient". Rather we should talk about the expectations gap.

A girl from back home is going to have a certain mindset. She is going to know what is expected of her in a traditional desi way. If we are expecting our wife to be aware of and accepting of the "tor tareekeh" of desi culture, then this will be favourable to us.
A girl raised over here is likely to be more independent minded. She will not need to be "looked after" as much, you won't have to make every decision for her. Some people would find this more favourable. Also, she is likely to have more in common with you culturally.

It depends on what you're looking for. From what you're saying you're looking for and expecting, I think PhDGirl's suggestion is a good one. Or you could pick a girl who is from the West but is from a lower economic background, or lower level of education than yourself. A well educated woman raised in the West who makes good money from a job, doesn't need a "husband" in the traditional way we might understand a husband. They need and want a companion. So the new husband role changes from provider and law giver, to companion.

You have to decide what you are looking for, and what you are willing to give.

[Salika]

I wrote my nikkah agreement (hubz asked me to) and it was kind of prenupish but I saw it purely as legal and devoided any emotion. My in-laws kind of took it the wrong way though. Alhamdulillah I probably won't need it though but I figured better safe than sorry. I encouraged him to put whatever he wanted but he didn't

Anyways, husband and wife are not equal in the marriage, but there should be equity. Neither is inherently superior or inferior than the other.

Jaysh
It's a bad idea to view marriage is one of obedience-disobedience. I think once you put a woman in that mindset, she'll actually be more likely to "rebel."

[jigglypottamus]

For me personally, no.

I'm in sales, so no need for a pre-nup.