[Revert]

Serious topic needs sincere advice.

How do you deal with family members that constantly do the Haraam?

Articles and general advice needed.

The live Islam through your actions doesn't work in this instance so what do you do?

[marjanih]

I know how it feels.

Ignore it and don't entertain it. Continue to live Islam through your actions, because you'll never know when the person is taking notice. Pray for them. Invite them to join you in Salah, Jummah, tag along to community events, family dinners...if they decline the invitations, don't become disparaged, keep trying.

Most of all, don't preach nor try to be forceful. They don't need to be preached to that their actions are Haram, for I'm sure they already know that but they are just too arrogant to not care. So you doing so will only create more resentment towards the 'Din. However, if they ask for your input, give it. Just don't be demeaning, self-righteous, or damn them to hell [I know you personally wouldn't but just saying it for all who, if any, read my post]. If anything, have compassion and be forgiving. Allah, swt, loves those who forgive. Try to understand the reasoning behind their behavior and provide positive alternatives.

Leave your favorite Islamic books around, read the Qur'an in front of them, pray in front of them, do the invites as I previously mentioned-- lead by example. I always found that sooner or later, people come back to the 'Din. So give him time and don't give up on him.

And remember, at the end of the day, it really is between the person and Allah, swt.


shadha-

[Revert]

shadha said:

I know how it feels.

Ignore it and don't entertain it. Continue to live Islam through your actions, because you'll never know when the person is taking notice. Pray for them. Invite them to join you in Salah, Jummah, tag along to community events, family dinners...if they decline the invitations, don't become disparaged, keep trying.

Most of all, don't preach nor try to be forceful. They don't need to be preached to that their actions are Haram, for I'm sure they already know that but they are just too arrogant to not care. So you doing so will only create more resentment towards the 'Din.

Leave your favorite Islamic books around, read the Qur'an in front of them, pray in front of them, do the invites as I previously mentioned-- lead by example. I always found that sooner or later, people come back to the 'Din. So give him time and don't give up on him.


shadha-

I appreciate the advice but in this case it seems that a little more is needed than this. MAy Allah reward you for it.

Its a specific act forbidden in the Quran and its ruining the peoples lives.

[marjanih]

Who lives? The immediate person involved or those who know him?

We are always affected by the actions taken by others, especially those within our family. It's hard, trust me, it's hard, humiliating, and difficult to understand the 'why' behind it all. Though, there really isn't much more that could be done.

Freewill is a blessing but for some, it could be a curse.


shadha-

[Revert]

shadha said:

Who lives? The immediate person involved or those who know him?

We are always affected by the actions taken by others, especially those within our family. It's hard, trust me, it's hard, humiliating, and difficult to understand the 'why' behind it all. Though, there really isn't much more that could be done.

Freewill is a blessing but for some, it could be a curse.


shadha-

The immediate people and ours...


Its gambling and its pretty bad...to the point that it affects mine and my wifes eemaan..its a hard situation and I pray others don't have to deal with it.

unfortunatly i'm not as active in this community as i was in my old town, i don't really know any practicing Muslims to talk to or go pray with.

[marjanih]

Ah. I would first seek help outside of the religious realm. Gambling is a serious problem. There should be a gambling hotline for your area, if not a council.


shadha-

[Jamroll]

They might have a gambling addiction? In that case, the first step is admitting they have a problem. Then they can seek help for their addiction.

[Revert]

shadha said:

Ah. I would first seek help outside of the religious realm. Gambling is a serious problem. There should be a gambling hotline for your area, if not a council.


shadha-

YOu obviously don't know Yugoslavians...very stubborn lol


They don't think they have a problem nor that its even Haraam to gamble..

I'll look into that hotline thing though..maybe they can give us advice inshaAllah.

[Revert]

Jamroll said:

They might have a gambling addiction? In that case, the first step is admitting they have a problem. Then they can seek help for their addiction.

I know that bro...thats the problem...they don't think they have one...


Duas and general good vibes are also more than welcome

[marjanih]

Haha, no maybe not, but I know Germans and DAMN are them people stubborn.

Do look into the hotline, it'll be the best thing for you all.


shadha-

[zzze]

asslamau alaykum

Cut the internet cable if it's through the net...?

duas your way insha Allah

[Variable]

Sounds like maybe an intervention is in order? I know that AA has counseling for people who suffer collaterally from alcohol abuse, maybe it's the same for the people Shadha is talking about - they'll have the best advice for you anyway.

[Itz]

I don't have any advice but I'll make dua for you guys inshaAllah

[Revert]

Thanks Guys! :)

:flower::flower:

[jigglypottamus]

How long have they been at the habit?
How many times have others tried to help them out of it?
What's been the biggest loss [quantifiable or not] that you know they've had?
How many others in their immediate social circle / close contacts also gamble?

[Revert]

IbnMardhiyah said:

How long have they been at the habit?
How many times have others tried to help them out of it?
What's been the biggest loss [quantifiable or not] that you know they've had?
How many others in their immediate social circle / close contacts also gamble?

How long have they been at the habit? AS long as my wife can remember
How many times have others tried to help them out of it? No-one as I can recall
What's been the biggest loss [quantifiable or not] that you know they've had? Several thousand but thats almost each and every time they go out to the A.C
How many others in their immediate social circle / close contacts also gamble? NO one I know of (they don't socialise with ANYONE

[jigglypottamus]

Work with your wife to figure out an effective disincentive, so that everytime they gamble - regardless of whether they win or lose - there's a major penalty to pay, and it has to be something you can leverage to actual effect, whether immediate or gradual.

Give them an alternative, too.

For example, if they're interested in making money, tell them to go into business, if they have access to large capital. And if its their own money but smaller amounts, then they can go engage in arbitrage / day trading. Then, their money is doinga ctual work, AND they know in advance whether or not they're likely to turn a profit, because they've done their due diligence [homework / research] and taken out the problem of unknown chance [i.e. gambling].

If you provide an alternative, make sure you back it up with a social circle that will either passively or actively keep them away from the places of theor previous problem.

[Revert]

IbnMardhiyah said:

Work with your wife to figure out an effective disincentive, so that everytime they gamble - regardless of whether they win or lose - there's a major penalty to pay, and it has to be something you can leverage to actual effect, whether immediate or gradual.

Give them an alternative, too.

For example, if they're interested in making money, tell them to go into business, if they have access to large capital. And if its their own money but smaller amounts, then they can go engage in arbitrage / day trading. Then, their money is doinga ctual work, AND they know in advance whether or not they're likely to turn a profit, because they've done their due diligence [homework / research] and taken out the problem of unknown chance [i.e. gambling].

If you provide an alternative, make sure you back it up with a social circle that will either passively or actively keep them away from the places of theor previous problem.

Thats great advice bro and I would honestly suggest that to them If I thought they would listen.

We are dealing with people who have no more than a 8th Grade education, they are incredibly stubborn, also if you are young, you are stupid.

I think trying to find the root of the problem and then suggesting alternatives is a good start, i really neeeded someone other then my wife who is a practicing Muslim to give me some genuine advice.

JazakAllah Khair for the advice bro...i'll get on MSN one of these days and shoot the breeze!

[jigglypottamus]

Revert said:

Thats great advice bro and I would honestly suggest that to them If I thought they would listen.

Bro, not to be flippant - but you surely must've thought they were going to listen [to something] otherwise you wouldn't be asking people about this issue, yea? You can't give up on your relative and presume they won't listen - just keep plugging away at it because in the end its only Allaah who turns the hearts of people - not you or I.

[Revert]

IbnMardhiyah said:

Bro, not to be flippant - but you surely must've thought they were going to listen [to something] otherwise you wouldn't be asking people about this issue, yea? You can't give up on your relative and presume they won't listen - just keep plugging away at it because in the end its only Allaah who turns the hearts of people - not you or I.

You weren't being flippant...i don't want to insult these people but the stuff you suggested may be too much info for them to process...like i said they are un-educated(not by their own doing) and its hard to explain certain things to them...I love them fiasabilillah and don't want to see them go lower then they are now.

I'm goign through a tough time worrying about them and worrying about the what ifs (losing everything etc)

Pray Allah saves them from the fire by instilling Al-Islam in their hearts inshaAllah...