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Dealing with fmaily members that do the Haraam


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#1 Revert

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 08:58 PM

Serious topic needs sincere advice.

How do you deal with family members that constantly do the Haraam?

Articles and general advice needed.

The live Islam through your actions doesn't work in this instance so what do you do?

In that case, you should get on your knees and thank my Scandinavian ancestors cuz all yr asweomess r belong 2 VIKING rape babies


#2 marjanih

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 09:03 PM

I know how it feels. :confused:

Ignore it and don't entertain it. Continue to live Islam through your actions, because you'll never know when the person is taking notice. Pray for them. Invite them to join you in Salah, Jummah, tag along to community events, family dinners...if they decline the invitations, don't become disparaged, keep trying.

Most of all, don't preach nor try to be forceful. They don't need to be preached to that their actions are Haram, for I'm sure they already know that but they are just too arrogant to not care. So you doing so will only create more resentment towards the 'Din. However, if they ask for your input, give it. Just don't be demeaning, self-righteous, or damn them to hell [I know you personally wouldn't but just saying it for all who, if any, read my post]. If anything, have compassion and be forgiving. Allah, swt, loves those who forgive. Try to understand the reasoning behind their behavior and provide positive alternatives.

Leave your favorite Islamic books around, read the Qur'an in front of them, pray in front of them, do the invites as I previously mentioned-- lead by example. I always found that sooner or later, people come back to the 'Din. So give him time and don't give up on him.

And remember, at the end of the day, it really is between the person and Allah, swt.

:D
shadha-

#3 Revert

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 09:06 PM

I know how it feels. :confused:

Ignore it and don't entertain it. Continue to live Islam through your actions, because you'll never know when the person is taking notice. Pray for them. Invite them to join you in Salah, Jummah, tag along to community events, family dinners...if they decline the invitations, don't become disparaged, keep trying.

Most of all, don't preach nor try to be forceful. They don't need to be preached to that their actions are Haram, for I'm sure they already know that but they are just too arrogant to not care. So you doing so will only create more resentment towards the 'Din.

Leave your favorite Islamic books around, read the Qur'an in front of them, pray in front of them, do the invites as I previously mentioned-- lead by example. I always found that sooner or later, people come back to the 'Din. So give him time and don't give up on him.

:D
shadha-


I appreciate the advice but in this case it seems that a little more is needed than this. MAy Allah reward you for it.

Its a specific act forbidden in the Quran and its ruining the peoples lives.

In that case, you should get on your knees and thank my Scandinavian ancestors cuz all yr asweomess r belong 2 VIKING rape babies


#4 marjanih

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 09:09 PM

Who lives? The immediate person involved or those who know him?

We are always affected by the actions taken by others, especially those within our family. It's hard, trust me, it's hard, humiliating, and difficult to understand the 'why' behind it all. Though, there really isn't much more that could be done.

Freewill is a blessing but for some, it could be a curse.

:confused:
shadha-

#5 Revert

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 09:13 PM

Who lives? The immediate person involved or those who know him?

We are always affected by the actions taken by others, especially those within our family. It's hard, trust me, it's hard, humiliating, and difficult to understand the 'why' behind it all. Though, there really isn't much more that could be done.

Freewill is a blessing but for some, it could be a curse.

:confused:
shadha-



The immediate people and ours...


Its gambling and its pretty bad...to the point that it affects mine and my wifes eemaan..its a hard situation and I pray others don't have to deal with it.

unfortunatly i'm not as active in this community as i was in my old town, i don't really know any practicing Muslims to talk to or go pray with. :D

In that case, you should get on your knees and thank my Scandinavian ancestors cuz all yr asweomess r belong 2 VIKING rape babies


#6 marjanih

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 09:16 PM

Ah. I would first seek help outside of the religious realm. Gambling is a serious problem. There should be a gambling hotline for your area, if not a council.

:confused:
shadha-

#7 Jamroll

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 09:17 PM

They might have a gambling addiction? In that case, the first step is admitting they have a problem. Then they can seek help for their addiction.

The time will never be ‘just right’.
Start where you stand, work with whatever tools you may have at your command,
and better tools will be found as you go along.


#8 Revert

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 09:18 PM

Ah. I would first seek help outside of the religious realm. Gambling is a serious problem. There should be a gambling hotline for your area, if not a council.

:confused:
shadha-


YOu obviously don't know Yugoslavians...very stubborn lol


They don't think they have a problem nor that its even Haraam to gamble..

I'll look into that hotline thing though..maybe they can give us advice inshaAllah.

In that case, you should get on your knees and thank my Scandinavian ancestors cuz all yr asweomess r belong 2 VIKING rape babies


#9 Revert

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 09:19 PM

They might have a gambling addiction? In that case, the first step is admitting they have a problem. Then they can seek help for their addiction.


I know that bro...thats the problem...they don't think they have one...


Duas and general good vibes are also more than welcome :confused:

In that case, you should get on your knees and thank my Scandinavian ancestors cuz all yr asweomess r belong 2 VIKING rape babies


#10 marjanih

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 09:29 PM

Haha, no maybe not, but I know Germans and DAMN are them people stubborn. :D

Do look into the hotline, it'll be the best thing for you all.

:confused:
shadha-

#11 zzze

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 10:00 PM

asslamau alaykum

Cut the internet cable if it's through the net...?

duas your way insha Allah :flower:
"Until you annihilate your selfish lower self of desires and lusts through strict and sincere mujahada [self disciplinary exercises], your heart will never become illuminated with the light of knowledge." - Imam Abu Hamid Al-Ghazli, Dear Beloved Son.

Help the GUANTANAMO BAY detainees

#12 Variable

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 11:40 PM

Sounds like maybe an intervention is in order? I know that AA has counseling for people who suffer collaterally from alcohol abuse, maybe it's the same for the people Shadha is talking about - they'll have the best advice for you anyway.
What kind of peace do I mean and what kind of a peace do we seek? Not a Pax Americana enforced on the world by American weapons of war.... not merely peace for Americans but peace for all men and women -- not merely peace in our time, but peace in all time.

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#13 Itz

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 11:51 PM

I don't have any advice but I'll make dua for you guys inshaAllah

I'm gonna love you
Till the heavens stop the rain.
I'm gonna love you
Till the stars fall from the sky
For you and I.

#14 Revert

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Posted 07 December 2007 - 11:53 PM

Thanks Guys! ;):):)

:fasttalk::flower::monkey::flower:

In that case, you should get on your knees and thank my Scandinavian ancestors cuz all yr asweomess r belong 2 VIKING rape babies


#15 jigglypottamus

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Posted 08 December 2007 - 12:00 AM

How long have they been at the habit?
How many times have others tried to help them out of it?
What's been the biggest loss [quantifiable or not] that you know they've had?
How many others in their immediate social circle / close contacts also gamble?

Elizabeth Swann: There will come a moment when you'll have the chance to do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.


.:[ maverick007.wordpress.com ]:. .:[ What's going on, Eh? ]:.

#16 Revert

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Posted 08 December 2007 - 12:05 AM

How long have they been at the habit?
How many times have others tried to help them out of it?
What's been the biggest loss [quantifiable or not] that you know they've had?
How many others in their immediate social circle / close contacts also gamble?


How long have they been at the habit? AS long as my wife can remember
How many times have others tried to help them out of it? No-one as I can recall
What's been the biggest loss [quantifiable or not] that you know they've had? Several thousand but thats almost each and every time they go out to the A.C
How many others in their immediate social circle / close contacts also gamble? NO one I know of (they don't socialise with ANYONE

In that case, you should get on your knees and thank my Scandinavian ancestors cuz all yr asweomess r belong 2 VIKING rape babies


#17 jigglypottamus

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Posted 08 December 2007 - 12:13 AM

Work with your wife to figure out an effective disincentive, so that everytime they gamble - regardless of whether they win or lose - there's a major penalty to pay, and it has to be something you can leverage to actual effect, whether immediate or gradual.

Give them an alternative, too.

For example, if they're interested in making money, tell them to go into business, if they have access to large capital. And if its their own money but smaller amounts, then they can go engage in arbitrage / day trading. Then, their money is doinga ctual work, AND they know in advance whether or not they're likely to turn a profit, because they've done their due diligence [homework / research] and taken out the problem of unknown chance [i.e. gambling].

If you provide an alternative, make sure you back it up with a social circle that will either passively or actively keep them away from the places of theor previous problem.

Elizabeth Swann: There will come a moment when you'll have the chance to do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.


.:[ maverick007.wordpress.com ]:. .:[ What's going on, Eh? ]:.

#18 Revert

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Posted 08 December 2007 - 12:19 AM

Work with your wife to figure out an effective disincentive, so that everytime they gamble - regardless of whether they win or lose - there's a major penalty to pay, and it has to be something you can leverage to actual effect, whether immediate or gradual.

Give them an alternative, too.

For example, if they're interested in making money, tell them to go into business, if they have access to large capital. And if its their own money but smaller amounts, then they can go engage in arbitrage / day trading. Then, their money is doinga ctual work, AND they know in advance whether or not they're likely to turn a profit, because they've done their due diligence [homework / research] and taken out the problem of unknown chance [i.e. gambling].

If you provide an alternative, make sure you back it up with a social circle that will either passively or actively keep them away from the places of theor previous problem.



Thats great advice bro and I would honestly suggest that to them If I thought they would listen.

We are dealing with people who have no more than a 8th Grade education, they are incredibly stubborn, also if you are young, you are stupid.

I think trying to find the root of the problem and then suggesting alternatives is a good start, i really neeeded someone other then my wife who is a practicing Muslim to give me some genuine advice.

JazakAllah Khair for the advice bro...i'll get on MSN one of these days and shoot the breeze!

In that case, you should get on your knees and thank my Scandinavian ancestors cuz all yr asweomess r belong 2 VIKING rape babies


#19 jigglypottamus

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Posted 08 December 2007 - 12:26 AM

Thats great advice bro and I would honestly suggest that to them If I thought they would listen.


Bro, not to be flippant - but you surely must've thought they were going to listen [to something] otherwise you wouldn't be asking people about this issue, yea? You can't give up on your relative and presume they won't listen - just keep plugging away at it because in the end its only Allaah who turns the hearts of people - not you or I.

Elizabeth Swann: There will come a moment when you'll have the chance to do the right thing.
Jack Sparrow: I love those moments. I like to wave at them as they pass by.


.:[ maverick007.wordpress.com ]:. .:[ What's going on, Eh? ]:.

#20 Revert

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Posted 08 December 2007 - 12:32 AM

Bro, not to be flippant - but you surely must've thought they were going to listen [to something] otherwise you wouldn't be asking people about this issue, yea? You can't give up on your relative and presume they won't listen - just keep plugging away at it because in the end its only Allaah who turns the hearts of people - not you or I.


You weren't being flippant...i don't want to insult these people but the stuff you suggested may be too much info for them to process...like i said they are un-educated(not by their own doing) and its hard to explain certain things to them...I love them fiasabilillah and don't want to see them go lower then they are now.

I'm goign through a tough time worrying about them and worrying about the what ifs (losing everything etc)

Pray Allah saves them from the fire by instilling Al-Islam in their hearts inshaAllah...

In that case, you should get on your knees and thank my Scandinavian ancestors cuz all yr asweomess r belong 2 VIKING rape babies





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