[shadha]

AsSalamu' Alaykum,

The rare time I do attend Jummah/taraweeh prayers, during the Khutbahs/Dawah I'm usually dozing off or busying myself by drawing in the rug completely zoned out. Nothing relating to today and current events, just the same old recycled 5 pillars of Islam talk from back in grade school.

But occasionally they say something, so outrageous, that it stirs me awake.

This other time during a Taraweeh Khutbah the translator gone on about this story: So a man was walking along a road. He was starving. He came upon a fence and on the other side of the fence there were rows and rows of apple trees. A branch of one of the trees was growing outside of the fence and dropping apples onto the ground. The man looked around, knowing it was stealing, he picked up the apple and ate it. He continued walking until the guilt was too much for him to bear. He walked to the house of the apple tree owner to confess his sin. The man said, "I'll only forgive you if you marry my daughter" so the apple-eater said oki sure. The man said, "But my daughter is blind, deaf, mute and paralyzed" The apple-eater was shocked at this but regretfully agreed to the terms anyway. So the man lead him into some back room where they came upon a beautiful enchanting woman. "My daughter" said the man. The apple-eater was taken aback and confused. The man said "She is blind to seeing any bad, she is deaf to hearing any bad, she is mute to saying any bad and she is paralyzed from doing any bad."....the end.....like wow. Such a bizarre story. When everyone heard the ending to this, the majority of the room started cracking up laughing. Like, what was the point?


This other time, we had a couple *insert title here* guys who came for the weekend. It was during Sunday School and we all just finished praying.

"My daughter came to me because the button on her dress fell off. So she said 'Daddy I want a new dress' So I told my daughter, 'Ask Allah for a new dress' and she asked Allah for a new dress and the next day I went to the mall and got her one. Then a couple days later my daughter came to me and said 'Daddy I want kit kat' and I told my daughter, 'Ask Allah for kit kat' and she asked Allah for a kit kat and the next day she got one. So we must always ask Allah for things we want"...and the story continued but this was the funniest most absurd part. Kit kat? For a couple seconds we all were just staring at each other, baffled as to what the hell kit kat was? Then because a button fell off she needed a new dress? Seriously? The whole story is just busted and to this day I'm not sure what point was they were trying to make.


shadha-

[nooni]

i think the moral of the first story is that if you come clean with ur sins and ask forgiveness, you will be rewarded with something good. sometimes i feel stories like these should be changed to fit the culture and society of those its targeting.

anywhos, this past icna, me and some friends were in the main hall listening to the khutbah about getting along in all types of relationships etc. the speaker (forgot his name) started raising his voice a bit and said "People are Bi***** and complaining all the time when things do not get done" or something along those lines

me, my friends and over half the audience were like we laughed for a good ten minutes

[ProtectorofIslam]

I also think some of these stories are made up to make us think a little more, ofcourse some of them are untrue but it creates excitement to wonder the real meaning behind the story.


The apple tree one really was bizzare though.

[ShotgunMessiah]

Originally Posted by shadha

This other time during a Taraweeh Khutbah the translator gone on about this story: So a man was walking along a road. He was starving. He came upon a fence and on the other side of the fence there were rows and rows of apple trees. A branch of one of the trees was growing outside of the fence and dropping apples onto the ground. The man looked around, knowing it was stealing, he picked up the apple and ate it. He continued walking until the guilt was too much for him to bear. He walked to the house of the apple tree owner to confess his sin. The man said, "I'll only forgive you if you marry my daughter" so the apple-eater said oki sure. The man said, "But my daughter is blind, deaf, mute and paralyzed" The apple-eater was shocked at this but regretfully agreed to the terms anyway. So the man lead him into some back room where they came upon a beautiful enchanting woman. "My daughter" said the man. The apple-eater was taken aback and confused. The man said "She is blind to seeing any bad, she is deaf to hearing any bad, she is mute to saying any bad and she is paralyzed from doing any bad."....the end.....like wow. Such a bizarre story. When everyone heard the ending to this, the majority of the room started cracking up laughing. Like, what was the point?

I heard that before too. It wasn't a khutba but some Saturday School thing, I think. I believe I said "What a freaking joke; you're going to marry some awesome daughter of yours to Joe Rando off the street because he stole an apple from you? And what kind of lunatic is going to say 'Oh I'll marry some girl I've never seen before from some guy I've never met even though I don't know anything about either of you except you're crazy for exchanging a daughter for an apple." I don't remember the response I got back but it was something like "You have to open your mind to these possibilities" or something.

[spicyhijabi]

Originally Posted by ShotgunMessiah

I heard that before too. It wasn't a khutba but some Saturday School thing, I think. I believe I said "What a freaking joke; you're going to marry some awesome daughter of yours to Joe Rando off the street because he stole an apple from you? And what kind of lunatic is going to say 'Oh I'll marry some girl I've never seen before from some guy I've never met even though I don't know anything about either of you except you're crazy for exchanging a daughter for an apple." I don't remember the response I got back but it was something like "You have to open your mind to these possibilities" or something.

that sounds like my response.

[Glasgow]

Originally Posted by shadha

the end.....like wow. Such a bizarre story. When everyone heard the ending to this, the majority of the room started cracking up laughing. Like, what was the point?

From the Original Arabic Piece by Adel bin Muhammad al-Abdul ‘Aalee
Translated by Abu Dujanah

One of the Salaf entered a field, hungry and tired, so he wanted to eat, and his stomach was ‘rumbling’. He saw an apple tree, and picked an apple to eat. He ate half of it under the protection of Allah, then he drank from the river near the field. After that, he suddenly realized that he was not aware of what he did due to his hunger, and thought to himself: Woe to you! How can you eat someone else’s provision without permission. In remorse he was determined not to leave the place until he found the owner of the garden, and confess to him that he had eaten his provision without his permission. He looked around and saw a house and went up to the door and knocked on it.

The owner came out and asked him what he wanted. The Salaf said: “I was hungry and entered your garden and took this apple and ate half of it, then I remembered it was not mine, and I came to beg you to forgive me for this mistake.”

The man replied, “I will not forgive you except on one condition?”

So the Salaf asked (Thaabit bin Nu’maan, father of Imam Abu Hanifa (R.A)), “What is your condition?”

The owner of the garden said: “I want you to marry my daughter.”

The honorable Salaf without hesitation said: “yes, I will marry her”.

The father of the girl then said: “I want you to know that my daughter is blind and cannot see, dumb and cannot speak, deaf and cannot hear.”

The revelation shocked Thaabit bin Nu’maan and thoughts flashed through his mind - what a disaster - what’s he going to do? Then he remembered that the trials and tribulation he has to endure by accepting this woman as his wife, and taking care of her and serving her is better for him than to eat the food (sadeed) of hellfire due to the fact that he had eaten the apple without permission. He also realized that if he did not make amends, his days in the dunya are numbered. So he promised to marry the girl, and prayed for forgiveness and reward from Allah, the Lord of the Worlds.

The day of marriage came, and the man was nervous and very worried: “How will I enter upon a woman who does not speak, see, or hear?!” What a dilemma, and he wished the earth would swallow him before that happened (i.e. going the wedding ceremony), but he remembered Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala and said: “Laa Hawla wa laa quwata illa billah, wa inna lilah wa inna ilayhi raji’oon.”

He went off to the wedding ceremony and when he arrived, his future bride stood up and greeted him, saying, “Assalamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu.” When he saw her, it took his breath away and remembered what he had imagined of the hoor il-’ayn in paradise. Gaining his composure, he blurted out: “What is this? So you speak, see, and hear.” Thaabit bin Nu’maan then informed her what her father had to told him.

She gave him the most beautiful smile and said: “My father spoke the truth and he didn’t lie.”

“But why did he tell me things about you which are untrue?

She replied, “My father said I am dumb, because I have never said a word which displeases Allah, nor have I ever spoken to a man whom it is not permissible to speak to. [He said] I am deaf, because I have never sat it in a place where malicious backbiting, gossip or tale-telling takes place. [He said] I am blind because I have never looked at a man who was not permissible for me to look.”

So ponder how Allah Subhanahu wa Ta’ala united this pious woman to this pious man.

The End

[ProtectorofIslam]

[Zam]

Originally Posted by shadha

AsSalamu' Alaykum,

The rare time I do attend Jummah/taraweeh prayers, during the Khutbahs/Dawah I'm usually dozing off or busying myself by drawing in the rug completely zoned out. Nothing relating to today and current events, just the same old recycled 5 pillars of Islam talk from back in grade school.

But occasionally they say something, so outrageous, that it stirs me awake.

This other time during a Taraweeh Khutbah the translator gone on about this story: So a man was walking along a road. He was starving. He came upon a fence and on the other side of the fence there were rows and rows of apple trees. A branch of one of the trees was growing outside of the fence and dropping apples onto the ground. The man looked around, knowing it was stealing, he picked up the apple and ate it. He continued walking until the guilt was too much for him to bear. He walked to the house of the apple tree owner to confess his sin. The man said, "I'll only forgive you if you marry my daughter" so the apple-eater said oki sure. The man said, "But my daughter is blind, deaf, mute and paralyzed" The apple-eater was shocked at this but regretfully agreed to the terms anyway. So the man lead him into some back room where they came upon a beautiful enchanting woman. "My daughter" said the man. The apple-eater was taken aback and confused. The man said "She is blind to seeing any bad, she is deaf to hearing any bad, she is mute to saying any bad and she is paralyzed from doing any bad."....the end.....like wow. Such a bizarre story. When everyone heard the ending to this, the majority of the room started cracking up laughing. Like, what was the point?

shadha-

I remember hearing the story that Glasgow just posted during a khutbah, I really liked it. I guess it may just depend on how well it was told.

[wheelworks]

Originally Posted by Zam

I remember hearing the story that Glasgow just posted during a khutbah, I really liked it. I guess it may just depend on how well it was told.

I heard that story and in the end it said that they had a Son called Abu Hanifah

[AbdurRaheem]

Originally Posted by ShotgunMessiah

I heard that before too. It wasn't a khutba but some Saturday School thing, I think. I believe I said "What a freaking joke; you're going to marry some awesome daughter of yours to Joe Rando off the street because he stole an apple from you? And what kind of lunatic is going to say 'Oh I'll marry some girl I've never seen before from some guy I've never met even though I don't know anything about either of you except you're crazy for exchanging a daughter for an apple." I don't remember the response I got back but it was something like "You have to open your mind to these possibilities" or something.

This is a true story. The man who stole the apple and the woman he married (the one who was 'deaf' 'dumb' and 'blind') were the parents of Imam Abu Hanifa (RA).

And I think you missed the point of the story...

[TariqBinSleepin]

These stories aren't absurd at all. If you think these are absurd, I wonder what you think about the story about the ants speaking to sulaiman. Sometimes were so thick headed that we need things to br put in simple words and easy to understand parables.

[Jaysh]

As-Salam Alaykum.

Bismillah.

I went to an African American mosque once, and Wallahi, the khateeb said the phrase 'butt booty naked' in the khutbah. And half the khutbah was about crack cocaine.

But perhaps the most cracked out khutbahs I have seen are in Pakistani villages. There was one in which the khateeb was imitating voices of a woman whenever he used to quote Bibi Aisha [ra], lol. And well, there was weirder stuff, but words cannot describe.

Fi Aman Allah.

[TariqBinSleepin]

Originally Posted by Jaysh

As-Salam Alaykum.

Bismillah.

I went to an African American mosque once, and Wallahi, the khateeb said the phrase 'butt booty naked' in the khutbah.

But perhaps the most cracked out khutbahs I have seen are in Pakistani villages. There was one in which the khateeb was imitating voices of a woman whenever he used to quote Bibi Aisha [ra], lol. And well, there was weirder stuff, but words cannot describe.

Fi Aman Allah.

Umm, I don't think that is right at all. Did you "lol" or did you say something?

[Jaysh]

Originally Posted by TariqBinSleepin

Umm, I don't think that is right at all. Did you "lol" or did you say something?

I was rolling on the floor laughing.

And this was not just one mosque in one village. I've seen it in numerous places. It's a village thing.

And you should see the melodramatic khutbahs they give...jokes, complete jokes.

May Allah [swt] reward them for their sincere intention.