[Timbit]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

Because men do not have to seek permission from their first wife to marry a second. They already have that permission from Islam itself.

How do you reconcile that with the love and mercy you're supposed to show your spouse?

Originally Posted by Jamroll

I think the desis on Islamica know that most of all this posturing is purely hypothetical, since polygamy is not something desis really practice. It's quite uncommon in our culture and you know it!!

Punjabis, yeah... that's why I said in my community, if a man takes a second wife, the first wife divorces him. But some Gujarati people in a community over here love polygyny.

[Hanbali]

Originally Posted by Timbit

How do you reconcile that with the love and mercy you're supposed to show your spouse?

It depends on what society you live in. If you live in the West--where our women are indoctrinated by the Western values--then a woman would feel like you killed her if you brought another wife home.

But if you lived in an Islamic society, then it wouldn't necessarily contradict love and mercy to bring home a second wife. Do you think that the Prophet [s] and the Sahabah did not show love and mercy on their wives?

[wheelworks]

Excuse me,

I found a brown cow in my yard. Did anybody lose theirs?

[Salika]

Originally Posted by Hanbali

Do you think a man marrying one wife is a "right" or a "privilege" ?

Do you think a woman marrying a husband is a "right" or a privilege" ?

I think most likely you will say the former, i.e. that it is their right.

Then why do you suddenly switch and say it is a privilege for a man to marry more than one wife?

I think it's a privilege for all parties. Just like the first spouse is a privilige, so is the second and third.

I don't know why you thought you could read my mind?

I mean seriously guys, marriage is a huge thing that involves other people. It's one thing to harm oneself, but it becomes sinful when you start to play with another Muslim in this way.

In our marriage fiqh class, we learned that for some, being in a bad marriage can be sinful as it takes you away from Allah. Marriage can also be a form of oppression of the spouse is not a good one... so ya, privilege, privilege, privilege, from beginning to end.

[sally]

Originally Posted by Hanbali

It depends on what society you live in. If you live in the West--where our women are indoctrinated by the Western values--then a woman would feel like you killed her if you brought another wife home.

But if you lived in an Islamic society, then it wouldn't necessarily contradict love and mercy to bring home a second wife. Do you think that the Prophet [s] and the Sahabah did not show love and mercy on their wives?

yes they did show their wives mercy

but they also all grew up in that sort of environment

and regardless please dont forget the wives regularly felt some semblence of envy..it wasnt unheard of

and also their imaan level was way higher than that of most women today

and so if a guy knows his wife has been raised in an environment that isnt polygyny friendly, he should have some common sense

[Salika]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

Yes its conditional, no one is arguing about that. The duty that you are referring to is that which is already stipulated - that he has to treat both / all wives equally.

My point is that, by default men don't have to seek permission from their 1st to take a 2nd.

I never said otherwise, I know the husband does not have to seek permission, but that does not make it a right.

With all due respect, but this really seems like arrogance to me to say "why should I sign away a 'right' that I will never use anyway?" "Who are you tell me what to do?" type of mentality.

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

Originally Posted by Hanbali

Substitute the word "salafi" with the word "religious muslim".

Yes, because the two go hand in hand, right?
I think the 'qur'an only' crew are just 'muslim' too, though of course i'm not saying the two of you are alike. I don't know why you have a problem with the lable, as most people understand the clarification...and many salafis use it ''we are from the salaf, so we are salafis...hold on to the rope of Allah '' etc.

[Hanbali]

Originally Posted by Salika

I think it's a privilege for all parties. Just like the first spouse is a privilige, so is the second and third.

I don't know why you thought you could read my mind?

Actually I knew you'd switch to saying it's a privilege. Wallahi.

If it's a privilege to get married at all, then why did you even mention the fact that marrying another wife is a privilege?

By mentioning it, you already show what is inside your heart, regardless of how you word it.

[Jamroll]

I'd like to rename this thread Polygamy Death Match. All in favour say "Aye".

[Hanbali]

Originally Posted by Salika

I never said otherwise, I know the husband does not have to seek permission, but that does not make it a right.
.

It is most definitely a right.

[Salika]

Originally Posted by Hanbali

It depends on what society you live in. If you live in the West--where our women are indoctrinated by the Western values--then a woman would feel like you killed her if you brought another wife home.

But if you lived in an Islamic society, then it wouldn't necessarily contradict love and mercy to bring home a second wife. Do you think that the Prophet [s] and the Sahabah did not show love and mercy on their wives?

Oh please, even in the most of Islamic societies (such as, oh say, Medina circa Prophet's life time), co-wives were jealous of each other (like even the most pious of all women, the Prophet's wives themselves). I mean hello, you're sharing the man you love.

Oh wait, no, women are just crazy overly emotional psychos.

[Salika]

Originally Posted by Hanbali

Actually I knew you'd switch to saying it's a privilege. Wallahi.

If it's a privilege to get married at all, then why did you even mention the fact that marrying another wife is a privilege?

By mentioning it, you already show what is inside your heart, regardless of how you word it.

I never switched from anything.

I think marrying ANYONE is a privilege, first spouse, second spouse, etc... I'm being totally consistent... your post doesn't make sense.

[ShahRukh]

Isn't writing marriage contracts a bida'?

[sally]

Thoughts of a First Wife

[Hanbali]

Originally Posted by Salika

Ok, that makes no sense...

You differentiated between marrying one wife and marrying more than one wife, even though both are 'rights' or 'privileges' --whatever you want to call it. To you, suddenly when a man wants to marry more than one wife, you will chime in and say 'it's a privilege--don't abuse it!' But not a peep when a man is marrying just one wife.

Never mind, forget it.

Originally Posted by Salika