Honestly - and this is from my own experience and it won't necessarily be the same for everyone - I've found that it's best to seek a potential spouse by getting familiar with their character and personality first. That, above all, has to match and be compatible with yours. You have to like their sense of humor, and their way of looking at the world. About how they handle tension, how they handle sad news and happy news, what they're working for or towards, etc. What's their take on family and how do they want to raise the kids, if at all.
And don't grocery list the questions, because that creates stiff responses that may not entirely be true. Get real answers out of multiple, casual conversations over a period of time.
And when it comes to a girl considering a guy - do your background research. If you can, find out on the down low what masjid he goes to, and what his friends are like. if he has a Facebook profile that you can view, then take stock of what kind of photos he puts up, what kind of remarks he has on his Wall, etc. Its very true that a man is like his friends, and Prophet Muhammad told us this also.
Personality and character have to fit in comfortably with yours, and then you can check whether his level of Deen is compatible with what you're looking for.
As for what this guy was saying specifically, my personal opinion is that he was kinda contradicting himself - the fundamentals of any system of life are meant to be practiced. If that's not the case, then why is he calling them "fundamentals"? What is his idea of the type of practice a "fundamental" tenet should receive?
If its about hijab, what's his take on it? That he merely doesn't mind if you wear it, but he won't motivate you to wear it either [if in the event that you don't wear it]? Or, is he the type that doesn't want you to wear it at all? What about your potential future daughters/ Will he want them to wear it?
It shouldn't take you too long to get a feel for what his attitude is like on the basics such as salaah and saum, and modesty in libaas and hijab. If you see that its not really the same as what you would like, or if he's uneasy about it, then just drop him and move on.
And no, you're not being too demanding. Its just a set of expectations you have, and you know yourself better than anyone else, I presume, so you should know what a dealbreaker would be, in your eyes. If you've reached that trigger, that dealbreaker point, then drop it and move on.
You sound like you work a lot with youth. Can I ask you about the appropriate way to approach marriages? I'm just asking because I have no experience and you know about this area.
Hey salams, I'm not too sure what gave you that idea, about marriages.
As far as working with the youth goes, yeah, I've been doing that since I was 14 and started Young Muslims in Canada, then moved on to working with MSAs, MYNA, Naseeha Helpline, etc.
When you say "appropriate way to approach marriages" - what do you mean? Like approaching marriage for yourself, on behalf of others [i.e. matchmaker] or, just approaching the issue itself?
Hope all is well with ya, inshallah
And don't grocery list the questions, because that creates stiff responses that may not entirely be true. Get real answers out of multiple, casual conversations over a period of time.
And when it comes to a girl considering a guy - do your background research. If you can, find out on the down low what masjid he goes to, and what his friends are like. if he has a Facebook profile that you can view, then take stock of what kind of photos he puts up, what kind of remarks he has on his Wall, etc. Its very true that a man is like his friends, and Prophet Muhammad told us this also.
Personality and character have to fit in comfortably with yours, and then you can check whether his level of Deen is compatible with what you're looking for.
As for what this guy was saying specifically, my personal opinion is that he was kinda contradicting himself - the fundamentals of any system of life are meant to be practiced. If that's not the case, then why is he calling them "fundamentals"? What is his idea of the type of practice a "fundamental" tenet should receive?
If its about hijab, what's his take on it? That he merely doesn't mind if you wear it, but he won't motivate you to wear it either [if in the event that you don't wear it]? Or, is he the type that doesn't want you to wear it at all? What about your potential future daughters/ Will he want them to wear it?
It shouldn't take you too long to get a feel for what his attitude is like on the basics such as salaah and saum, and modesty in libaas and hijab. If you see that its not really the same as what you would like, or if he's uneasy about it, then just drop him and move on.
And no, you're not being too demanding. Its just a set of expectations you have, and you know yourself better than anyone else, I presume, so you should know what a dealbreaker would be, in your eyes. If you've reached that trigger, that dealbreaker point, then drop it and move on.
As far as working with the youth goes, yeah, I've been doing that since I was 14 and started Young Muslims in Canada, then moved on to working with MSAs, MYNA, Naseeha Helpline, etc.
When you say "appropriate way to approach marriages" - what do you mean? Like approaching marriage for yourself, on behalf of others [i.e. matchmaker] or, just approaching the issue itself?
I hate seeing someone in such a desperate condition.