How soon soon should you ask for cell/wali's number?

[ShahRukh]

Salam,

Do conservative/traditional (I'm talking about hijabis/munaqabas here) girls find it offensive if a sincere guy asked for your cell number?

To the guys: How soon is too soon before you press her to talk on the phone?


As you all know talking on the cell w/ opposite gender is still looked down upon in conservative circles. But for practical reasons, its sort of necessary in contemporary cultural context. You have to know personal likes, dislikes, personality compatibility, and sound quality of the other gender...ya know, unless you wanna put your life on a dime and toss it out...only to find on the wedding that you got stuck with someone who sounds like a frog.

Wife: "So...Husband-jee....what is your favourite movie? and Who is your Hero?"
Husband (with grouchy frogish voice): "I like Terminator 2. I am a big fan of Arnold Shortsnigger..."

[IbnMardhiyah]

Be a gentleman and let the girl make the request at her own discretion.

[Timbit]

That sounds shady. I wouldn't recommend it.
Unless parents of both parties are aware and approve.

[ShahRukh]

IbnMardhiyah said

Be a gentleman and let the girl make the request at her own discretion.

Interesting. But I dont think hijabi/munaqaba type girls usually ask guys or have the guts to ask a guy's number?

Timbit said

That sounds shady. I wouldn't recommend it.
Unless parents of both parties are aware and approve.

Sorry...I dont follow your post? What part of it sounds shady?


Cell phone is a mean to communicate, Just like you speak to your boss, manager, co-workers. I think its better than talking in person since you're not physically seeing the other person, hence less likelyhood of fitna occuring between the two....but thats just me.

[IbnMardhiyah]

ShahRukh said

Interesting. But I dont think hijabi/munaqaba type girls usually ask guys or have the guts to ask a guy's number?

*shrug*

You're wrong.

[I don't know how to put it anymore simply than that]

[Timbit]

Talking to people to get to know them for marriage purposes if their parents and your parents aren't aware is shady. Might as well call them your boyfriend/girlfriend.
If you're sincerely interested in marriage, then you'll inform your parents and ask the permission of her parents.

Also, lots of fitnah can occur through the phone. Shaytan's always the third.


EDIT: How do you talk to somebody in real life and not know what their voice sounds like? The only scenario in which you'd know somebody but not their voice is if you met them online. Which is also shady.

EDIT2: Honestly, there's not a lot of room for fitnah if you talk to somebody in person but in a public place and with a chaperone around (can just be a friend/older sibling who sits somewhere close enough to observe but far enough to give you your privacy).

EDIT3: Just marry your cousin, dammit.

[IbnMardhiyah]

I dont know why ShahRukh is asking the question. I agree its always better to find out whatever info you want to know through mutual acquaintances or associates and failing that, through emails or IMs. In many cases one party [usually the girl] wants to know what he sounds like because sometimes its a dealbreaker, say if one person has a really heavy accent, or a nasal voice, or talks with an annoying rasp, etc. anything that the other person just can't stand. And smetimes its just a hella lot faster via the phone than it is through text-based communication.

For the record I do not advocate or recommend two unrelated, ghayr mahram people with one man and one woman, to be talking over the phone except for what's strictly necessary - i.e business or whatnot.

[Glasgow]

ShahRukh said

Salam,

Do conservative/traditional (I'm talking about hijabis/munaqabas here) girls find it offensive if a sincere guy asked for your cell number?

To the guys: How soon is too soon before you press her to talk on the phone?


As you all know talking on the cell w/ opposite gender is still looked down upon in conservative circles. But for practical reasons, its sort of necessary in contemporary cultural context. You have to know personal likes, dislikes, personality compatibility, and sound quality of the other gender...ya know, unless you wanna put your life on a dime and toss it out...only to find on the wedding that you got stuck with someone who sounds like a frog.

Wife: "So...Husband-jee....what is your favourite movie? and Who is your Hero?"
Husband (with grouchy frogish voice): "I like Terminator 2. I am a big fan of Arnold Shortsnigger..."

Depends.. if you know her family or not I think. It's subjective.. or just ask mummy!

btw T2 was kick ass

I watched it first time when I was 6 years old..

[xoxo]

ShahRukh said

Salam,

Do conservative/traditional (I'm talking about hijabis/munaqabas here) girls find it offensive if a sincere guy asked for your cell number?

i wouldn't be offended because it's not like that person put me in a position where i can't say no to their request. if he's sincere, he'll understand, right?

but i do think it's farrr better to ask for the girl's email address and then write an email introducing yourself (basic info about yourself and your expectations) to the girl and asking her to forward it to her wali so that it's more appropriate. additionally, if the girl has agreed to get to know the guy by that time, she should make the situation clear to her wali, and he should speak to the guy himself before talks proceed any further.

I met a brother, who asked me for my email address and I gave it to him because he seemed sincere. He emailed me and told me that for him to even consider me seriously, I would have to make it clear to my dad that I had met someone who was interested in me (because he was of the opinion that speaking to me without my wali's approval is wrong). I did that and my parents and his were made aware of the situation right away. After that, we communicated via email (forwarding it all to my bro) and my brother was in our every AIM chat as well. And when we decided that talking on the phone was the next step, my bro was on the line with us But ironically, it wasn't awkward or annoying...

No regrets because things never got to a point where we got used to being that comfy with one another and started missing the other person's voice or their laugh, etc...and also because our consciences remained clear alhumdulillah. And I definitely got to know everything I wanted to know about the guy...likes, dislikes, ideas, opinions, values, etc..

That was back in February and we're getting married next month inshaAllah.

[wheelworks]

IbnMardhiyah said

*shrug*

You're wrong.

[I don't know how to put it anymore simply than that]

He's right actually. I don't know what kind of aliens you attract...

[thejellymill]

If a guy interested in marriage ever asked my cell number I wouldn't have given it to him. I'd probably have then proceeded to make some excuse to leave and avoid him forever after. My husband got it by having his mom ask me and then his mom called my mom. Even if your intention is good, it won't come across as good.

[Variable]

thejellymill said

If a guy interested in marriage ever asked my cell number I wouldn't have given it to him. I'd probably have then proceeded to make some excuse to leave and avoid him forever after. My husband got it by having his mom ask me and then his mom called my mom. Even if your intention is good, it won't come across as good.

It's posts like this that remind me of how so completely different our cultures are.

[Timbit]

Now you know why the Muslim girls won't give you their numbers, Vari.

[sally]

You ask for her Wali's number....as soon as you can find him.

Wheeeeres Wali?

[sixpakistan]

sally said

You ask for your Wali's number....as soon as you can find him.

Wheeeeres Wali?

if you have to ask for your own wali's number, there's a problem..