Question about Mahr?

[Habibti]

Salaam Alaikum Brothers and Sisters,

I need your help
What is the appropriate amount for the Mahr and how is it usually given? Is the amount decided on by the Groom and Wali or the Wali and Bride? Is received before the marriage in full or are there like "payment plans" Can Jewelry or property be given or is money the primary dowry?
And if you can give me any other info on Mahr or the process of engagement and/or contract that would be fantastic
I really need to know and if you could provide examples from the Quran and Hadith that would be cool beans

Jazakum Allahu Khair,
~Nahita~

[Rida]

ask as little as possible! Be merciful towards the guy =P
I know of people that asked for a trip to umrah or hajj.

Sayyidna `ali (ra) sold his sword and gave that money to sayyida (ra) as mahr.
We can see from that it wasn't much.

Wassalaam

[Ibn Abu Ibrahim]

Many traditional fiqh scholars would say it should be comparable to what someone else in your situation (class/upbringing wise) has taken in Mahr (such as your sister, or cousin etc).

However, if they are taking an exuberant amount of money, you probably want to rethink that. The mahr should be dependant upon how much the guy can afford to give, as well. Meaning not 10k if he's a millionaire, and not 10k if he's a student.

[Timbit]

Ibn Abu Ibrahim said

Many traditional fiqh scholars would say it should be comparable to what someone else in your situation (class/upbringing wise) has taken in Mahr (such as your sister, or cousin etc).

However, if they are taking an exuberant amount of money, you probably want to rethink that. The mahr should be dependant upon how much the guy can afford to give, as well. Meaning not 10k if he's a millionaire, and not 10k if he's a student.

If he's a student, then why's he getting married?

If mahr is supposed to be your alimony in case of divorce, then why not ask for as much as possible?

[ABCDGIRL]

Timbit said

If mahr is supposed to be your alimony in case of divorce, then why not ask for as much as possible?

'Ya just remember mahr is the girl's right...and he doesnt have to pay it all at once ...

[queenofsheba]

you shouldnt be asking these questions on here. if ur getting married, it's worth ur while to go and get a book that explains the entire fiqh of marriage and divorce before* u tie the knot. it will help you make the best decision.

to give u a basic answer- the mahr is decided by the bride. You can decide how much you want upfront, and how much is payable throughout the span of the marriage (muakher). Keep in mind, in the event of divorce, you cannot demand both your muakher and your western legal right- you have to pick which one you'd like.

the amount is usually determined by what other girls in your position in your locale are getting, but ur allowed to set it at whatever u like. Make sure u get ur contract written down on paper and signed by atleast 2 or more witnesses.

and yes, go ask a sheikh and get a book- there's alot of things that you probably wont think of. Reliance of the traveller has some decent explanations, but its not that clear.

[Songbird]

Timbit said

If he's a student, then why's he getting married?

Geez, why do you think?

And fyi a sister can support her husband. A sister friend of mine is a doctor and she just married a brother who's 7 years younger than her who is still studying. Her wage/salary alone can support them both alhamdulillah.

[Ibn Abu Ibrahim]

Timbit said

If he's a student, then why's he getting married?

Maybe he has the ability to provide for basic living but can't afford a 200k mahr?

If mahr is supposed to be your alimony in case of divorce, then why not ask for as much as possible?

That's not the intent of mahr, its just how people use it. I'm not saying thats necessarily 'wrong', but alimony is something separate Islamically.

[WickedSam]

Dude, I'm not close to getting married, so I don't think of mahr.

But since you asked, mahr is the girl's alimony. Yes she should think of her guy, be nice, not ask for much, blah blah blah.

But seriously, if a girl is gonna sign this paper, that's ALL she's gonna get if things don't work out. It's a contract, not something pretty she can show off to her parents stating that she's married.

Once she signs this, she has to stick to it. She shouldn't go turn her back on her nikaah if things don't work out, and demand 50% in state court. If she wants half, she should state it in her nikaah. If she's happy with 10 bucks, she should state that in her nikaah. It's something that takes a lot of thought. It's a contract. A nikaah is like a pre-nup. It takes a lot of negotiating and thinking.

A girl should never be shy when deciding something like this.

Wasalaamzzzz

[Timbit]

Ibn Abu Ibrahim said

Maybe he has the ability to provide for basic living but can't afford a 200k mahr?

Maybe. Apparently, he can't even afford a 10K mahr.

Ibn Abu Ibrahim said

That's not the intent of mahr, its just how people use it. I'm not saying thats necessarily 'wrong', but alimony is something separate Islamically.

What is alimony then, Islamically?
There are differing answers even amongst the few posts in this thread so far, so I'm kind of confused.

Songbird: Okay, thanks for telling us that. It's not usually done though. Is that 'Islamic'? I mean, both spouses may be okay with it and it might make sense in their situation, but Islamically, the man is supposed to provide, no?

[Habibti]

queenofsheba said

you shouldnt be asking these questions on here. if ur getting married, it's worth ur while to go and get a book that explains the entire fiqh of marriage and divorce before* u tie the knot. it will help you make the best decision.

to give u a basic answer- the mahr is decided by the bride. You can decide how much you want upfront, and how much is payable throughout the span of the marriage (muakher). Keep in mind, in the event of divorce, you cannot demand both your muakher and your western legal right- you have to pick which one you'd like.

the amount is usually determined by what other girls in your position in your locale are getting, but ur allowed to set it at whatever u like. Make sure u get ur contract written down on paper and signed by atleast 2 or more witnesses.

and yes, go ask a sheikh and get a book- there's alot of things that you probably wont think of. Reliance of the traveller has some decent explanations, but its not that clear.

I can think of questions here that were/are alot worse than this one, and I have been reading alot about it, I just thought it would be nice to hear the opinions of others to help answer my questions.

Thankn you all for your answers, and yes Timbit Im still confused as well. There are different answers everywhere -the net, my Imam, my father, and even books, so I thought that some friendly advice might help, but now Im just as confused as ever

[Aryan_]

WickedSam said

A nikaah is like a pre-nup.

That is why Islam is the true religion

[Arabesque]

Just remember the mahr is divided into the advanced payment you receive once you sign the marriage contract, and the other half, the delayed dowry, is usually given after divorce. A women can always ask for her delayed dowry, whether or not there's a divorce. It's just a delayed dowry, doesn't mean she can only get it after divorce.

You may want to ask for a modest amount now, but make sure your delayed dowry is hefty. You can always ask him to pay it to you when he's doing good in his business, in the future. I don't want to talk about negative things, but you know when you can ask for it as well.

[kellyjaz]

I jus want my hubby - no mahr...




P.s. Wouldnt mind a Range Rover though

huba huba huba OMG WHERE MY HUBBY!!!! oh There he is... I love my hubby. Huba wuba duba!

Rep me *****es.

[ChotooMotoo]

If you're more interested in marriage than mehr, why not set it up so that you get some mehr now (like your wedding ring, that counts) and in the even of divorce you get something like $5000 as the rest of your mehr?