[serendipity_000]

Maybe this is a strange question but I'm having a hard time with two of my brothers and was just wondering if you guys experienced the same thing.


I know when it comes to rishtas/proposals certain careers, qualities and some times complexions are preferred. If you have that particular career, complexion and set of qualities, is it extremely hard to remain humble?

Mash'Allah my two brothers who are still single are extremely attractive and have great careers etc, but I've noticed that they have become increasingly more arrogant. They have started rejecting girls for dumb reasons and have been making insane demands about what a girl should and shouldn't be, look etc. I find it extremely frustrating...


Like at a certain point, do you feel yourself becoming more arrogant and reel it in? Does someone have to hit you over the head? And for girls, do you buy into the hype in terms of what is desirable? Have we internalized a certain set perception of what we should want?


I hope I'm making sense

[wheelworks]

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Maybe this is a strange question but I'm having a hard time with two of my brothers and was just wondering if you guys experienced the same thing.


I know when it comes to rishtas/proposals certain careers, qualities and some times complexions are preferred. If you have that particular career, complexion and set of qualities, is it extremely hard to remain humble?

Mash'Allah my two brothers who are still single are extremely attractive and have great careers etc, but I've noticed that they have become increasingly more arrogant. They have started rejecting girls for dumb reasons and have been making insane demands about what a girl should and shouldn't be, look etc. I find it extremely frustrating...


Like at a certain point, do you feel yourself becoming more arrogant and reel it in? Does someone have to hit you over the head? And for girls, do you buy into the hype in terms of what is desirable? Have we internalized a certain set perception of what we should want?


I hope I'm making sense

There was a guy at my work who spent 6 years trying to get married. He would reject potentials for the silliest of reasons. Finally he settled on someone whom his mother had picked and who he'd never seen before.

[sally]

ask Hanbali

[YOUSUFofSD]

yes hit them over the head, inshallah that'll help.

[ShahRukh]

Actually its pretty hard to stay humble once you have a degree and earning big $$$

It becomes harder and harder to fight your nafs...

[Deel]

Originally Posted by wheelworks

There was a guy at my work who spent 6 years trying to get married. He would reject potentials for the silliest of reasons. Finally he settled on someone whom his mother had picked and who he'd never seen before.

that's probably how most of these situations turn out, and for good reason.

[Fortune]

All I know is I asked for nothing else than a neurosurgeon and iA I'll have one in about seven years.

[jinnzaman]

Look, I don't need a white woman with a PhD, but I earned one!


(NB: That was sarcasm . . . sort of)

[Glasgow]

Originally Posted by ShahRukh

Actually its pretty hard to stay humble once you have a degree and earning big $$$

It becomes harder and harder to fight your nafs...

I don't really think that is true.

The solution to that is not to mention things like degrees, or jobs.. unless you're explicitly asked. And even then keep the details to a minimum.

[Ayooshi]

Asalamu Alaikum,

Lets start checking off our Reality List:

Wealth is dynamic, so how can you be so sure your feet will be as firmly planted as they are today?

Looks fade, onset of illnesses comes with age. How can you believe you will be flawless and beautiful always?

Careers can take a turn for the worse. Most people marry young, how sure are you that your career will be a success 20 years down the line?

The only REALLY thing left is your character. And in order to have a good one, than your modesty, and humbleness are part and package of a "good" character, without it, you don't have much going for you here or in the hereafter.

How many of us can say with absolute certainty we have the most awesome character?

Fi AmanAllah



“They only are the (true) believers whose hearts feel fear when Allah is mentioned, and when the revelations of Allah are recited unto them they increase their faith, and who trust in their Lord; Who establish worship and spend of what We have bestowed on them.” [ 8:2,3]

[ShahRukh]

Originally Posted by Glasgow

I don't really think that is true.

The solution to that is not to mention things like degrees, or jobs.. unless you're explicitly asked. And even then keep the details to a minimum.

I disagree with you.

The more accomplished you're in material life, whether in education, wealth, status, etc. the more confident you become and it just keeps building on your ego...and the harder it becomes over time


The only solution to that is to live a simple life by following the Sunnah of the Messenger SAW in terms of dressing, sleeping, and all daily activities...and give Lots and Lots away in charity.

Those who're obsessed with collecting wealth can never be clean in the heart.

[Glasgow]

Originally Posted by ShahRukh

I disagree with you.

The more accomplished you're in material life, whether in education, wealth, status, etc. the more confident you become and it just keeps building on your ego...and the harder it becomes over time


The only solution to that is to live a simple life by following the Sunnah of the Messenger SAW in terms of dressing, sleeping, and all daily activities...and give Lots and Lots away in charity.

Those who're obsessed with collecting wealth can never be clean in the heart.

I agree that you become confident, but it's a question of whether you let your success make you become big-headed and arrogant.

3 people I know come to mind.

1st person - First class Masters degree/Hafiz/nearly finished Alim course as well.
2nd person - Professor and editor of 2 scientific journals - the expert in his field [Oxford graduate]
3rd person - Won the best pHD thesis award for his year.

None of them come across as having an ego.

[farah]

Originally Posted by Glasgow

I agree that you become confident, but it's a question of whether you let your success make you become big-headed and arrogant.

3 people I know come to mind.

1st person - First class Masters degree/Hafiz/nearly finished Alim course as well.
2nd person - Professor and editor of 2 scientific journals - the expert in his field [Oxford graduate]
3rd person - Won the best pHD thesis award for his year.

None of them come across as having an ego.

but...isn't the goal to not have a huge ego, rather than not showing you have a huge ego?

you can still appear humble and yet (using the example of hte OP) reject rishtas for trivial reasons because you think you're too good for them (no offense to the OP's brothers -- just using the example from the first post)

---

i think it's important to constantly remember that most of the attributes one attains in life are transient, and even your character and ability to follow the deen as well as you have are blessings from Allah swt. when we begin to feel like we're possession of such worldly things ("*I* bought it," "*I* earned it," etc) and refuse to acknowledge how quickly they can go awry, we start to become arrogant.

in regards to the rishta process in particular, i've seen many people who look at a good husband or wife as another possession to add on to the list. we're constantly obsessed with the qualities our spouse will provide for us, often because we think of ourselves as worthy.

newsflash: no one is without flaws, yourself included. I'm reminded of a Tariq Ramadan quote:

"God has given you, as He has given others, noble qualities and intelligence. God has given you, as He has given others, faults and deficiencies. Perfection is not given to you or any human being."

Excellent article

[Timbit]

MashaAllah, a few really good posts in here.

So I have nothing to add 'cause Ayooshi and Farah already did such a great job of answering the original questions.

[zakk]

You have to be careful about being humble too.... sometimes you're so caught up in the concept of being humble that you wind up being humble not so much.