[Whatyosayin]

Originally Posted by new_muslimah

You're only in control of yourself. You can't make people grateful, appreciative or any of the things you wish they would be. All you are in control of is how YOU react to things and you're only responsible for that. Try your best and the rest is out of your hands.

Being angry and bitter are futile, cause they won't have any impact on your friend or make her suddenly appreciate all the things you have done. If she suddenly seems "holier than thou" then say alhamdulillah and act in the way that is in accordance with Islam.

Whatever she did before marriage is between her and Allah. Allahu Alim...she may be better than all of us in so many other ways.

Its really hard when people don't acknowledge our efforts , but its also a lesson in humility and it reminds us that we should do things ONLY for the sake of Allah, not for any recognition or praise. When we do things for the sake of Allah the outcome is of less importance.

Mash'Allah it was great that you did so much for her and may Allah reward you for your good.

That was nicely said, masha'Allah. Thats what I try to tell myself, but the angry keeps rising up. I guess all I can do, is do what makes me happy, and what makes Allah happy.
But again, as LeageEagle said, piety can be soooo boring sometimes.

[IbnMardhiyah]

Originally Posted by Whatyosayin

I did drag myself to do it, because I expected her to do the same for me. I try not to expect too much in life in general, but yes, I do expect gratitude for when I do something like that. She could have mentioned it in her wedding speech at least. I guess not everyone has a good heart like me.

Okay well now you realize Life is the best teacher. So next time, keep your head up, and keep your expectations low.

And also, tell the stupid waiters to buzz off, because they obviously aren't giving impartial advice; they have their own vested interests in mind. And that emotional selling pitch that he gave you was so cheap if he did it in front of me I'd tell him politely to stfu and do what he's being paid to do.

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

Originally Posted by Whatyosayin

I did drag myself to do it, because I expected her to do the same for me. I try not to expect too much in life in general, but yes, I do expect gratitude for when I do something like that. She could have mentioned it in her wedding speech at least. I guess not everyone has a good heart like me.

No offense, but theres your problem. You didn't do it for her or for Allah you did it for yourself because you wanted something in return. It sounds like you and your "friend" have a really superficial relationship.

[Bruinrab]

1. Your friend sounds like a brat.

2. So do you right now.

People are often crappy. You take the risk that you'll get screwed whenever you decide not to be a crappy person in return. Sometimes it works out well, sometimes it doesn't. Suck it up and move on. And I agree with IbnM, if you do something nice for someone, it shouldn't be with the expectation of getting something in return. Either do it because you want to or don't bother. If you spend your whole life tallying up what you get in return for your good deeds, you'll go nuts.


Two children found a bag containing twelve marbles. They argued over how to divide the toys and finally went to see Mullah Nasrudin. When asked to settle their disagreement, the Mullah asked whether the children wanted him to divide the marbles as a human would or as Allah would. The children replied, "We want it to be fair. Divide the marbles as Allah would."

So, the Mullah counted out the marbles and gave three to one child and nine to the other.

[Saja]

She just got married. She'll be busy, so you probably won't be as close as you were before (especially because of this incident). As hard as it may be, be the "bigger person" and drop it.

Definetly don't act on your feelings right now. You'll end up doing something rash and dramatic and you'll regret it later. Don't vent to anyone (in real life) because girls talk, and never call her or text or whatever when you're angry. If you really want to see how she feels about everything you've done for her, some other time, when you're emotional, casually mention something about the shower or reminisce, and see if she remembers to thank you or if she says "yeah it was beautiful" or whatever. It sucks when acts of kindness aren't appreciated, but whatever. You live and learn.

I know it's hard, and she should have been a bit more appreciative, but try to make excuses for her; you never know what's going on in her life or what she's thinking. Bringing up her past mistakes does nothing. You might feel better about yourself for a second but it's petty. I don't want that to sound mean, so here are a few more

Like others have said, try to be a nice person (without being a push over), never end relationships on bad terms, and keep your expectations low. You'll be happier that way. And being a goody-two-shoes and pious might seem boring, but at least you won't regret anything in the long run.

In my 19 years of living, I realize now that I was happiest when I had the fewest number of friends. I hate to say it, but girls are so...

[Deel]

don't tell yourself next time i won't try to be so nice or good or generous, or whatever.
you did a great thing for someone you loved (i hope) and yeah we are not always shown gratitude for doing something nice. but i feel better knowing and seeing a smile on someone's face because of something that i did than making sure they knew how important it is to say thank you. think about if you planned the bridal shower while staying totally anonymous and how much reward you would get from Allah swt for helping a fellow sister. that would make me truly happy. if she wasn't a great friend to begin with, your reward from Allah swt is even greater. don't stoop to her level by publishing anything on facebook, don't even confront her about it. wait for your reward inshaAllah.

[vegetables]

you're overreacting
save the drama for your mama+

[Saja]

hahaha

Seriously though, it takes so much energy to get angry at someone or to hold a grudge. And it takes even more energy to remember that you need to continue to be mad at that person because of that incident.

It's so much easier to let this sort of drama go. Years later, this will seem like nothing.

[sanuri11]

is the act of good really good when its done only to get something in return? why should you feel hurt or neglected if you didnt get anything in return. you made your friend happy... isnt that why you threw her the bridal shower in the first place? you should be happy knowing your friend is happy and happily married. that's what friendship is. not, i scratch your back, you scratch mine.

and also.. because of this "ordeal" you are sounding a little arrogant, thinking you are better than her. 70 excuses.. and the next time you find a fault in her or anyone else, look at yourself.

[Glasgow]

Originally Posted by Saja

but girls are so...

*like totally!*

We should just replace them with robots, with 4 buttons.

1.On/Off
2.Cook
3.Wash dishes
4.Well... just use your imaginations.

[AM415]

Originally Posted by Whatyosayin

I think you all should stop with the emo crap. Just because someone is having issues and needs to talk it out, does not mean they should be completely emotionless and ignore their feelings. Sounds like something my dad would say. "Emotions are for the weak!"

OMG...epiphany. Emo comes from the word Emotional? Wow!

[YOUSUFofSD]

Doesn't seem much like a friend from all the posts you wrote
sis, I would just get rid of someone who isn't going to help in
any situation...and not help in your Islam.

[Jaysh]

Originally Posted by Whatyosayin

So, my friend got married recently. I was happy for her and threw her a bridal shower - I even spent $700 of my own money paying for everyone in the restaurant and for gifts. She thanked me in a fb note but then deleted it soon after she got married. She didnt mention the bridal shower or even thank me in her wedding speech. She then moved away to Atlanta to live with her husband. When she came back a month later to visit she didnt even call me for a week. I CALLED HER. When I asked her what happened and what shes been up to, she said, "Oh Ive been doing nothing all week". YET SHE COULDNT CALL ME. The ONLY FRIEND who even bothered to throw her a bridal shower. In the same phone call, she goes on to say, "Everyone our age is married, except you, *******, ******* and ******. I mentioned some others who arent married, and she said, "Oh, they arent in our circle." How many people are even IN our circle?? Then she goes on to say, "Well, there is a time for everyone!". I kept it cool and said to make dua. I wanted to ***** her out badly, but I instead acted like her words didnt make me angry. I didnt want to stoop to her level of arrogance. All she says to me is, "I'm so happy! Im so in love!". I should also note that she lived with her husband and spent many vacations with him before they got married. I for one, do not want to marry in sin! I would be happy for her if she wasnt such a *****, but I am really tempted to post this note on my facebook so people can see what a ***** she really is. Am I overeacting, or do you people think I have a right to be angry?

Instead of having one big block of text, divide up your block into paragraphs, using the enter space liberally. If you do, I might actually read your post.

[Jamroll]

Originally Posted by Jaysh

Instead of having one big block of text, divide up your block into paragraphs, using the enter space liberally. If you do, I might actually read your post.

I agree with this. Also it would help if after formatting your text into proper paragraphs, you (that is the OP) acted less crazy and made more sense.

Also, if you have $700 free to spend on bridal showers for friends, then please think of contributing a charitable donation to the GayJay Foundation, which helps deprived gayjays all over the world, to provide them with a brighter tomorrow. It's not gay, it's just gayjay. Thank you for your ongoing support.

[sally]

Originally Posted by AM415

OMG...epiphany. Emo comes from the word Emotional? Wow!

uh....wow. no comment.