[Jamroll]

Jokes aside, the secret of a successful marriage is two words: "Yes, dear."

[IbnMardhiyah]

Originally Posted by Jamroll

Jokes aside, the secret of a successful marriage is two words: "Yes, dear."

From whose lips?

[infamousbrown]

Originally Posted by dreamingofbeards

For accuracy's sake, I specifically said "a large portion" and not "all of them."

For argument's sake, what constitutes a large number of men? Is this based on your own personal experience? Anecdotal experience? A study you've done? The movies you watch? The news? "A large portion" is still vague and still comes across as a sweeping indictment.

Originally Posted by dreamingofbeards

My apologies. My reply was definitely influenced by the way the question was posed.

At the same time though, I would trust that the person I was marrying was a decent and good enough Muslim to go through the right steps if a divorce would take place. In that vein, I wouldn't sign one unless it was under specific circumstances of need.

Fair enough, but to accept that marriages fail is to also accept that the cause of such failure could be a clash of personalities. Reason is often left by the wayside in the wake of such emotionally traumatic events. Why not err on the side of caution?

Originally Posted by dreamingofbeards

Perhaps though, it has more to do with my personality in that I don't see myself as a vengeful person. If my marriage, God forbid, led to a divorce, I wouldn't want to milk my husband for all he had. Rather, I would follow the Islamic principles related to this matter.

I'd think that it would be easier determine what constitutes 'fair' while heads are cooler as opposed during a potentially hostile divorce.

Originally Posted by dreamingofbeards

So him asking me to sign a pre-nup would lead to the implication that I would be hostile and greedy during a divorce, and thus probably give rise to a feeling of mistrust at the very beginning of the marriage.

How it's drawn up and presented is a very personal affair. It doesn't have to be viewed in such a negative light or as some sort of personal slight I think it protects both parties.

Originally Posted by dreamingofbeards

But, all women say that apparently. Guess I'm one with the masses

I wonder if that attitude comes from the idea of "OMG, PRENUP? HE WANTS TO USE ME AND LEAVE ME WITH NOTHING!"

Which could be one possible outcome -- but who would propose such a contract and expect anyone to sign it?

[dreamingofbeards]

Originally Posted by infamousbrown

Why not err on the side of caution?

*Withdraws feminist armies*

good day.

[talemul_haq]

Originally Posted by Salika

I wrote my nikkah agreement (hubz asked me to) and it was kind of prenupish but I saw it purely as legal and devoided any emotion. My in-laws kind of took it the wrong way though. Alhamdulillah I probably won't need it though but I figured better safe than sorry. I encouraged him to put whatever he wanted but he didn't

Anyways, husband and wife are not equal in the marriage, but there should be equity. Neither is inherently superior or inferior than the other.

Jaysh
It's a bad idea to view marriage is one of obedience-disobedience. I think once you put a woman in that mindset, she'll actually be more likely to "rebel."

^ true.

about obedience and disobedience, respect-disrespect and so on...it all really boils down to knowing each others rights (huqooq) In Islam.
meaning, everyone is aware of their own rights, but they have failed to learn, understand and implement the rights of their spouse. If anything, one should learn the rights of their spouse beforehand, this should be discusses prior to the marriage; if both parties have done their part to understand each others proper status, limits and boundrise. It's very vital..b/c it eases things in the future if, (Allah forbid) issues were to arise.

obedience being required, but along w that comes respect. if any ones spouse is to wave in the face such requests...the relationship would most probably start to become very shallow and empty. The other member would most probably withdraw in disgust.
Ppl marry w/ the understanding that obedience is to be given ( at the proper level that each of their stations require.) It is not something that is repeatedly requested. if that is the case, it will most probably be given, but at the expense of respect. The relationship will start to deteriorate.

Obedience comes w/ respect. If u give respect, u will receive obedience along w/ love. No, the two are not equal, one is the leader and the other is the follower...but both are humans and they both deserve to respect each other, that is the islamic and moral thing to do.
respect in the since of opinions, values, and beliefs. ..etc.

and when one is at fault..it's the best to accept your mistakes and let the mess defuse at once, ...all of this is intertwined and related to obedience...sadly, now days ppl fail to see ..if they know a little about Islam they demand their wives to be subservient and they the dictator, of course, the wife refuses such treatment and she fires back, the unexpected
...and that's the end.

Marriage can be, relationship of majun and layla..besides being one of, in command and the other subservient. However, w/ love, companionship and obedience the husband must do his part and have his wife as QUEEN...in order for leader-follower & majnun and layla relationship to co-exist together..and the marriage to flourish. ( I.A.)



ws.

[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

From whose lips?

Husband to wife, and wife to husband.

[ShahRukh]

Originally Posted by Salika

"white stuff?" You do realize that the nikkah contract is very similar to a prenup. People just don't use it that way anymore because, in my opinion, they don't know what they can do with it and people don't know their fiqh.

And yes, only Allah gives and takes but we are still responsible for the means. As the proverb goes, trust in Allah, but tie your camel.

i think its unfair to assume that people are not aware of nikah contracts, rather they're not as obsessed with their wealth even today..

you said pre-nup is very similar to nikah contract, can you find me historical examples of any generation of muslims who practiced it widely?


If your marriage isn't going too well, and someone is going to rob you of your money/assets, a nikah contract would be the last thing on his mind, he'd find many other ways to accomplish the goal...

I agree with IbnM on this, when you agree to have nikah contract done, you should enter with full confidence and utmost trust...both couples and families

You shouldn't tie your camel once before marriage, rather you should keep your eyes open and have it tied all the freaking time as to never let such a thing occured...

Originally Posted by talemul_haq

^ true.

about obedience and disobedience, respect-disrespect and so on...it all really boils down to knowing each others rights (huqooq) In Islam.
meaning, everyone is aware of their own rights, but they have failed to learn, understand and implement the rights of their spouse. If anything, one should learn the rights of their spouse beforehand, this should be discusses prior to the marriage; if both parties have done their part to understand each others proper status, limits and boundrise. It's very vital..b/c it eases things in the future if, (Allah forbid) issues were to arise.

if women truly understood the position of their husbands in their life, AND learned to implement it, there wouldn't be ANY problems from their part...

I agree that respect must be commanded, however there are many instances which would show the opposite i.e., gentle husband highly respectful of his wife whereas the wife cant control the biatch in her...

rebelling against authority/men is innate in women, a part of their insticnts... anything they feel is wrong or unjust they're naturally inclined to rebel...this goes for the majority of women, exceptions aside, however..


Instead of rationally analyzing Jaysh's demand, Just look at the way most women bashed/cursed/negged Jaysh for demanding an obedient wife (there's nothing wrong with his demand from a shariah perspective)

Thus ...its quite rare for women to internalize the concept of obedience to their husbands thing...those that do are indeed quite amazing..

[Bluestar]

Maybe you won't want to keep the camel tied? Maybe his breath is repulsive?

[TrentReznor858]

Originally Posted by ShahRukh

Instead of rationally analyzing Jaysh's demand, Just look at the way most women bashed/cursed/negged Jaysh for demanding an obedient wife (there's nothing wrong with his demand from a shariah perspective)
..

A) Jaysh is in no position to demand anything.

B) If Jaysh wants a doormat, good for him, we all could care less.

C) THe "shariah perspective"? I was not aware you could demand your wife to be obedient...thats kind of pathetic.

[PhDGirl]

Originally Posted by TrentReznor858

I was not aware you could demand your wife to be obedient...thats kind of pathetic.

Hehe - that's like Cartman on South Park

"You must respect my authorit-tie!"

[vegetables]

ShahRukh watch your step on that power tri- AHHh oh no what a shame

[Jaysh]

The success of marriage lies in communication. For example, the wife's face must communicate with the back of my hand.

[ShahRukh]

Originally Posted by TrentReznor858

A) Jaysh is in no position to demand anything.

B) If Jaysh wants a doormat, good for him, we all could care less.

C) THe "shariah perspective"? I was not aware you could demand your wife to be obedient...thats kind of pathetic.

Obedience is a quality just like beauty, education, etc..

Nothing wrong with him or anyone wanting an obedient wife...thats his preference, and ppl have different preferences, tastes, etc. when it comes to picking a spouse...regardless of whether they deserve it or not

If you cared less about Jaysh's demands or wants, you wouldn't be wasting your time responding to my post about his demands...

It's more than apparent that you have grudges against him...your posts quite clearly highlight the residing animosity

ppl have different preferences, needs, and wants, etc. suck up the reality, already...and move on

Originally Posted by vegetables

ShahRukh watch your step on that power tri- AHHh oh no what a shame

Vaat you talking!!??

[ShahRukh]

Originally Posted by PhDGirl

Hehe - that's like Cartman on South Park

"You must respect my authorit-tie!"

Ahh...so thats where muslimahs learn the concept of obedience from....no wonder why they're in such a terrible state today