[Bluestar]

I think it's very selfish to quote hadith about something that specific when you know (which i'm sure you do) that the essence is often lost in translation and a lot of other factors (where other religious texts could also be quoted) could justly encourage the wife to 'disobey' her husband. The purpose of marriage isn't obedience, it's a respect of each others lives and the relationship that you have with the other person (one of the closest that human beings can have) that makes obedience to each other seem natural and easy. I personally wouldn't use the term 'obedience', it's called love. Arguments and disagreements do a marriage good but compromise and reconciliation increases love for one another and a respect and understanding of each others individuality and wishes.

Even then one should remember that their path in life is their own, their struggle, their journey to God/Salvation/Reincarnation/or just the end and there are duties that we have to all beings that have been created by the Being you say you love (or for those who also walk on their own paths). Relationships can disintegrate but your struggles will always continue. It's important to build strength and an understanding of what's around you, focussing on the obligations of another person is wasted time.

[Jaysh]

Originally Posted by Bluestar

I think it's very selfish to quote hadith about something that specific when you know (which i'm sure you do) that the essence is often lost in translation and a lot of other factors (where other religious texts could also be quoted) could justly encourage the wife to 'disobey' her husband. The purpose of marriage isn't obedience, it's a respect of each others lives and the relationship that you have with the other person (one of the closest that human beings can have) that makes obedience to each other seem natural and easy. I personally wouldn't use the term 'obedience', it's called love. Arguments and disagreements do a marriage good but compromise and reconciliation increases love for one another and a respect and understanding of each others individuality and wishes.

Even then one should remember that their path in life is their own, their struggle, their journey to God/Salvation/Reincarnation/or just the end and there are duties that we have to all beings that have been created by the Being you say you love (or for those who also walk on their own paths). Relationships can disintegrate but your struggles will always continue. It's important to build strength and an understanding of what's around you, focussing on the obligations of another person is wasted time.

Listen, your opinion means nothing. Do not oppose Allah [swt] and His Messenger [s]. "We hear and obey."

Obey your husband like you obey your mother, because you must OBEY him more than you OBEY her.

I'm glad you 'wouldn't use a word' that the Prophet [s] used.

Do not think you are equal in rank to your husband. He is greater in rank than you.

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

Jaysh you're being a moron. If you look beyond that which suits you you'll see there's a lot more to this. ''Obediance'' to the husband (or wife) is limited to his/her huqooq/rights. How can blanket obediance make any sense? How about you stop talking about this stuff and FIND someone who fits your long list of wants and is willing to marry you?

[Jaysh]

Originally Posted by zzze

assalamu alaykum

Jaysh you're being a moron. If you look beyond that which suits you you'll see there's a lot more to this. ''Obediance'' to the husband (or wife) is limited to his/her huqooq/rights. How can blanket obediance make any sense? How about you stop talking about this stuff and FIND someone who fits your long list of wants and is willing to marry you?

Dr. Ahmad Ash-Sharbasi, professor of `Aqeedah and Philosophy at Al-Azhar Univ., states:

"Muslim scholars view that a Muslim wife should obey her husband in all what he commands as long as it is not Haram."

So who is the moron: me or you? Or perhaps the Muslim scholars?

[PhDGirl]

Shouldn't you be studying to pass your exams and match here so that you can actually get a wife?

[displaced]

Originally Posted by PhDGirl

Shouldn't you be studying to pass your exams and match here so that you can actually get a wife?

no need...he'll take ritalin and study a few days before.

[ChotooMotoo]

Some of these single guys need to come back when they are married, watch his wife demand khula becuase she isn't willing to rub is disgusting smelly feet every day, and lick his back etc, and then tell us how well his master-servant relationship worked out.

[Jaysh]

Originally Posted by displaced

no need...he'll take ritalin and study a few days before.

Ummm...I think I concluded with "I will not be taking it."

Seems like you are getting desperate!

Originally Posted by PhDGirl

Shouldn't you be studying to pass your exams and match here so that you can actually get a wife?

Umm...that has nothing to do with getting married. I've gotten plenty of rishtas--both direct and indirect--and it's merely a matter of finding The One.

[displaced]

Originally Posted by Jaysh

Ummm...I think I concluded with "I will not be taking it."

Seems like you are getting desperate!

I'm not the one posting on an online forum to decide whether or not to take prescription drugs because I'm a slacker and lack self-discipline.

[the_only_one]

If you love someone and you'd do anything to please him/her..this isn't considered obedience to that individual in my books. Its merely displaying your affection. But if you're not happy with 'the one' and are trying hard to 'give them their right' thats called majboori, then you're trying hard to a be an obedient husband/wife..this is when the whole thing of obedience kicks in..to them/ to their rights/To God, who is watching...when either party realizes they're into a hostile/servant-maid relationship..its a whole 180 turn...

[dreamingofbeards]

Regarding obedience.

Men spend so much time demanding their rights to be obeyed, and women spend an equal amount of time denying that they need to be obedient. It's a cyclical and damaging discourse. I don't want to post anything long, but I'll just say that both perspectives are extreme.

How does a husband expect his wife to willingly obey him in every matter he asks if he's akin to a slave-driver? And on the flip-side, how does a woman expect to be loved and respected by her husband if she doesn't want to comply with any of his wishes?

Allah (swt) says, "Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect." (30 : 2)

"They are a garment for you and you are a garment to them." (2 :187)

You see, marriage is a partnership made up of two individuals. When the prophet (saw) said a woman's husband is her paradise or hell, also keep in mind that he said the best amongst his Ummah is the one who is best to his women. And he was the best to his wives.

When you're kind and gentle and loving with your wife, she will want to please you and do things for you, and YES, she will respect you enough to obey you! But guys, realize that you reap what you sew. You plant love, you reap respect and admiration. You plant anger and disdain, you reap the same.

As is evident, women are emotional beings. Thus, you cannot rightly expect your wife to blindly obey you when you're hurtful or demanding. Yes, Islam emphasizes obeying one's husband, but it also emphasizes being kind and patient with your wives, and planting a mutual love and respect as is noted in the above verses.

Relationships are a two-way street. It will do us well to stop trying to drive into oncoming traffic.

[ChotooMotoo]

because Jaysh told me to