[Sugarberry]

I dont see whats wrong with the slient treatment,(for like a day or so) I think its better to keep quite, then say things youll regret later.

[new_muslimah]

Originally Posted by sally

muslim girls are drama? reverts wife is muslim i think? anyway thanks for making such a blanket statement. arab and desi girls are actually raised to be a LOT more submissive to their husbands than other muslim girls.
.

Ummm isn't that generalizing as well?



And I definitely agree that the most important thing is how you handle your anger, rather than how often you get angry.

[ChotooMotoo]

marriage counseling, marriage counseling, marriage counseling. Don't think of it as defeat, think of it as a tool for success.

[sally]

Originally Posted by Sugarberry

I dont see whats wrong with the slient treatment,(for like a day or so) I think its better to keep quite, then say things youll regret later.

i think salika is just trying to point out that some people just dont have the desire in them to give others the silent treatment or curse them out. she's really just talking about the way people deal with their anger, not that it's never going to happen

the way you deal with your temper and anger can heavily influence the argument by either making it worse for everyone (blown out of proportion if it's a small issue, etc) or it can do you good

and sometimes things aren't so black and white. if someone doesn't feel their point is being understood by the other person, they'll do things like give someone the silent treatment to make a point. but again, another person in the same exact situation might just be like, ok, we need some space. let's get out of each other's faces for a while, thanks.

it's kind of like, you don't absolutely have to resort to cursing. there are better ways and just because it is seen as a little more acceptable if a guy does it or couples do it then that doesnt mean it makes it ok.

Originally Posted by new_muslimah

Ummm isn't that generalizing as well?

it's a stereotype based on the type of culture desi and arab girls grow up in.

[Salika]

Originally Posted by sally

i think salika is just trying to point out that some people just dont have the desire in them to give others the silent treatment or curse them out. she's really just talking about the way people deal with their anger, not that it's never going to happen

the way you deal with your temper and anger can heavily influence the argument by either making it worse for everyone (blown out of proportion if it's a small issue, etc) or it can do you good

and sometimes things aren't so black and white. if someone doesn't feel their point is being understood by the other person, they'll do things like give someone the silent treatment to make a point. but again, another person in the same exact situation might just be like, ok, we need some space. let's get out of each other's faces for a while, thanks.

it's kind of like, you don't absolutely have to resort to cursing. there are better ways and just because it is seen as a little more acceptable if a guy does it or couples do it then that doesnt mean it makes it ok.

Thanks sally, that's right

Sugarberry, as I mentioned before, I do see a difference between cooling off and giving the silent treatment. Silent "treatments" are often done to prove a point and that's the end. With cooling off, the silence is a means to reconciliation so that you don't say anything in anger. People who give silent treatments, from what I've seen, are simply just trying to show how angry they are and expect that person to come crawling back with apologies. Cooling off is just waiting until you can sit down and discuss it properly but your mindset is, unlike silent treatment, reconciliation.

What I've seen with my parents is that one person will get angry and give the silent treatment for days, sometimes even a week or two. The person would apologize and apologize and still... silent treatment. By the time that person stops with the silent treatment, the other person would get angry for making such a big deal out of it and not seeing that they are wrong too and then *they* would give the silent treatment and it becomes this cycle.

Sometimes if I get very upset with my siblings I *don't* tell them "don't talk to me" but rather I say "talk to me later when I'm not as upset" so they know I just want to cool down. I've noticed that sleeping on these things does wonders and the next day we discuss it or often times we both forgot about it. I just find these "treatments" as disruptive and do more harm than good (even if it's just a day). But if it works for some people then hey.

I hope that makes the difference clear... that's how I view things at least, you don't have to agree.

[Revert]

Originally Posted by ShahRukh

Dang...

I'm so tempted to make fun of you white boy... but I wont...

I dont see how your marriage would last with a desi/arab girl for too long... muslim girls in general are pure drama, not to mention a lot more challenging to deal with than white girls...they usually need a strong man who can keep them on the right path and guide them and all...

I am 100% positive that if you act in the typical Muslim man way then your woomen are complaining about you and how they wish you were: "more like the White converts boys, mashaAllah they always clean up for their wives MashaAllah, always so polite, Yalla why can't you be mroe liek them Sharukh? Always so lazy.."

I'm playing but I know what you mean, My wife was raised in a very traditional house, but she hates that kind of thinking. We split the chores 50/50 and thats the way i like it.

Originally Posted by sally

muslim girls are drama? reverts wife is muslim i think? anyway thanks for making such a blanket statement. arab and desi girls are actually raised to be a LOT more submissive to their husbands than other muslim girls.

My wife is Muslim alhamdulillah. Her upbringing was similar to Arabs and Desi's. She just has a strong temprement and refuses to take anyones BS..including mine.


Also I think the silent treatment is stupid. If we argue we just basically tell each other to back of for an hour to cool off, then we talk about whatever it is we are goign through. It works for us.

[Sugarberry]

Originally Posted by Salika

Thanks sally, that's right

Sugarberry, as I mentioned before, I do see a difference between cooling off and giving the silent treatment. Silent "treatments" are often done to prove a point and that's the end. With cooling off, the silence is a means to reconciliation so that you don't say anything in anger. People who give silent treatments, from what I've seen, are simply just trying to show how angry they are and expect that person to come crawling back with apologies. Cooling off is just waiting until you can sit down and discuss it properly but your mindset is, unlike silent treatment, reconciliation.

What I've seen with my parents is that one person will get angry and give the silent treatment for days, sometimes even a week or two. The person would apologize and apologize and still... silent treatment. By the time that person stops with the silent treatment, the other person would get angry for making such a big deal out of it and not seeing that they are wrong too and then *they* would give the silent treatment and it becomes this cycle.

Sometimes if I get very upset with my siblings I *don't* tell them "don't talk to me" but rather I say "talk to me later when I'm not as upset" so they know I just want to cool down. I've noticed that sleeping on these things does wonders and the next day we discuss it or often times we both forgot about it. I just find these "treatments" as disruptive and do more harm than good (even if it's just a day). But if it works for some people then hey.

I hope that makes the difference clear... that's how I view things at least, you don't have to agree.

I respect what your saying, in my opinion slient treatment and cooling off is the same., not talking to someone for days or weeks (people do that?) is something different in my book.

In my family we have two types, people who yell and slam doors/use colorful language and people who dont say anthing ...and avoid the conflict altogether.....I havent figured out which one is better, right now im on neither hahah

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

My husband rarely gets angry and even if he does he doesn't show it masha Allah (unlike moi ), so cursing my parents is pretty much impossible. If we have an argument I cook/don't cook depending on whether the ingrediants are in the house, if i haven't cooked already. I have to eat too, do not cooking would be cutting my nose off to spite my face. Plus then he'll say ''wow this chicken is good'' and all is well again.

I've matured a lot recently alhamdulilah so I don't try to continue the argument lol. I go quiet to cool off and think up ways of communicating my feelings properely...doesn't usually last long and then we make up and go and eat. The desire to eat is a great motivation for making up quicky, plus he's funny so i can't stay mad for long

[TrentReznor858]

Originally Posted by zzze

as
plus he's funny so i can't stay mad for long

Humor is our secret weapon

[ChotooMotoo]

I suck at the silent treatment. Just look at how much I post here

[vegetables]

now that i think about it, the silent treatment sounds really good. like a blessing in disguise