[Revert]

Originally Posted by ShahRukh

White men....damn ya'll




I think even traditional muslim women back home would make fun of the likes of you

But behind your back they would be slagging you off and wish you were more like me, trust me I know, i've heard it first hand Aunties and Sisters often complain and wish I was their son/brother...

Originally Posted by Salika

Way to be cynical and condescending?

I don't think marriage is a walk in a field of roses but I think it's very possible to have a good marriage. I see older couples who have been married for years and still get mushy and hold hands. I also know many couples who fought before moving in with each other. So far things are good I don't see why I have to assume it's gonna get bad... yes, I'm sure we may have our squabbles but it doesn't have to involve silent treatments and the like...

My wife and I have fights sometimes, but they are neevr bad, we are more like teenage girls..we fight then five seconds later we are buds again.

I think as you get used to each others habits and ways you'll have little spats but nothing bad, most people do, its normal.

You guys will be fine insha'Allah.

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

does she demand payment in kisses? I would

Masha'Allah

[displaced]

Originally Posted by Salika

Way to be cynical and condescending?

I don't think marriage is a walk in a field of roses but I think it's very possible to have a good marriage. I see older couples who have been married for years and still get mushy and hold hands. I also know many couples who fought before moving in with each other. So far things are good I don't see why I have to assume it's gonna get bad... yes, I'm sure we may have our squabbles but it doesn't have to involve silent treatments and the like...

I'd love to see what you think about these ideals in 10 years.

no one said anything's going to get bad but it's unrealistic to believe that you're never going to be so angry with each other that you won't kiss and make up after 5 minutes.

[Bruinrab]

Originally Posted by displaced

I'd love to see what you think about these ideals in 10 years.

no one said anything's going to get bad but it's unrealistic to believe that you're never going to be so angry with each other that you won't kiss and make up after 5 minutes.

I've gotta agree with displaced here. My parents marriage is awesome, but there have been plenty of times where they were made at each other for several days at a time. The usual pattern is that mom is patient and eventually dad backs down when he realizes he's being silly.

Momma's always right...she's the one with the velan!

[Sugarberry]

Originally Posted by displaced

no one said anything's going to get bad but it's unrealistic to believe that you're never going to be so angry with each other that you won't kiss and make up after 5 minutes.

I completely agree.

[minab]

Um no. I would make my awesome bfast and eat it in front of him muahaha!

[Salika]

Originally Posted by displaced

I'd love to see what you think about these ideals in 10 years.

no one said anything's going to get bad but it's unrealistic to believe that you're never going to be so angry with each other that you won't kiss and make up after 5 minutes.

I never said we'd never get angry. In fact I've said we would have squabbles, I know that's reality. I just don't think it has to become into these huge matches or silent treatments or cursing each other's parents. Yes, we get angry but in the end, it's how you deal with that anger.

My parents had a pretty crummy marriage and one thing I learned is that bad marriages are often just self inflicted.

[ShahRukh]

Originally Posted by Revert

But behind your back they would be slagging you off and wish you were more like me, trust me I know, i've heard it first hand Aunties and Sisters often complain and wish I was their son/brother...

Dang...

I'm so tempted to make fun of you white boy... but I wont...

I dont see how your marriage would last with a desi/arab girl for too long... muslim girls in general are pure drama, not to mention a lot more challenging to deal with than white girls...they usually need a strong man who can keep them on the right path and guide them and all...

Originally Posted by Bruinrab

I've gotta agree with displaced here. My parents marriage is awesome, but there have been plenty of times where they were made at each other for several days at a time. The usual pattern is that mom is patient and eventually dad backs down when he realizes he's being silly.

Momma's always right...she's the one with the velan!

I think I'm gonna have to agree with Salika here ...

Marriage is the biggest test in one's life, flip the coin it can be the biggest blessing as well. I've seen many people prosper economically, educationally, religiously, etc. after marriage...it's not even funny. The examples are there, you just have to look outside the box to find them..

there are some very noble women in my family that I never heard or seen them fight or even raise their voice over their husbands...and their husbands tremendously respect them as well.

It's very possible and it exists. I think it depends on both the husbands and wive's upbringing, patience instilled by their parents, and how much they're willing to compromise for each other for the sake of a Higher being.

[shadha]

Salika: I never said we'd never get angry. In fact I've said we would have squabbles, I know that's reality.

Squabbles? Lol.

It really is oki to have arguments, some argue that arguments are actually healthy for you. I don't know who says that, hell I could have just made it up, so don't quote me on that.


shadha-

[shadha]

Shah: there are some very noble women in my family that I never heard or seen them fight or even raise their voice over their husbands...and their husbands tremendously respect them as well.

The bolded word is the keyword. You shouldn't be subjected to witnessing an argument between any couple, whether they are in your family or not. Arguments are private and should be dealt with as such. It is so tacky [read: ghetto] to argue in public. I do think you can disagree but if you know you can't agree to disagree in public, then you're better off battling it out in private.

On the other hand, I do think it is healthy for your children to see you peacefully argue with your spouse. I do believe it is a learning tool for them. Now if you're an outrageous arguer and near deadly, then no I don't think kids should witness that mess...and I think you need some Dr. Phil help.

Arguing, like agreeing, is apart of life.


shadha-

[sally]

oh god. this post kind of made me sick.

Originally Posted by ShahRukh

Dang...

I'm so tempted to make fun of you white boy... but I wont...

are you tempted to make fun of revert because he has a best friend type relationship with his wife? what's wrong with that?

Originally Posted by ShahRukh

I dont see how your marriage would last with a desi/arab girl for too long... muslim girls in general are pure drama, not to mention a lot more challenging to deal with than white girls...they usually need a strong man who can keep them on the right path and guide them and all...

muslim girls are drama? reverts wife is muslim i think? anyway thanks for making such a blanket statement. arab and desi girls are actually raised to be a LOT more submissive to their husbands than other muslim girls.

Originally Posted by ShahRukh

I think I'm gonna have to agree with Salika here ...

Marriage is the biggest test in one's life, flip the coin it can be the biggest blessing as well. I've seen many people prosper economically, educationally, religiously, etc. after marriage...it's not even funny. The examples are there, you just have to look outside the box to find them..

there are some very noble women in my family that I never heard or seen them fight or even raise their voice over their husbands...and their husbands tremendously respect them as well.

It's very possible and it exists. I think it depends on both the husbands and wive's upbringing, patience instilled by their parents, and how much they're willing to compromise for each other for the sake of a Higher being.

what shadha said about arguing in public being tacky is absolutely correct.

[Salika]

Originally Posted by shadha

Salika: I never said we'd never get angry. In fact I've said we would have squabbles, I know that's reality.

Squabbles? Lol.

It really is oki to have arguments, some argue that arguments are actually healthy for you. I don't know who says that, hell I could have just made it up, so don't quote me on that.


shadha-

I'm not sure how arguing can be healthy (assuming we have the same idea/definition of arguing).... I just don't see it as productive. I think it's healthy to talk things out and express your feelings in a civilized manner though. Sure there will be instances when someone gets really angry or upset, but we hope those are anamolies and only over really sincere issues. Often times, people (not just couples) make the pettiest thing into this huge issue and anger is really counterproductive in those situations.

Anyways, to each his own... it's fine to disagree of course but really unnecessary to have a condescending attitude about it.

[fatima]

i dont think salika is being idealistic.

its about how you approach disagreements. shes not saying shes never gonna disagree and that itll be happiness and sunshine all the time. but you control yourself and you can prevent things from escalating and getting ugly.

[displaced]

Originally Posted by Salika

I'm not sure how arguing can be healthy (assuming we have the same idea/definition of arguing).... I just don't see it as productive. I think it's healthy to talk things out and express your feelings in a civilized manner though. Sure there will be instances when someone gets really angry or upset, but we hope those are anamolies and only over really sincere issues. Often times, people (not just couples) make the pettiest thing into this huge issue and anger is really counterproductive in those situations.

Anyways, to each his own... it's fine to disagree of course but really unnecessary to have a condescending attitude about it.

like I said..I'd love to get your opinion in 10 years. no one's saying that talking things out isn't the right way to do things. however, marriage isn't come magical union. it's two people who've decided to share a life together. you must've argued with your family over something at some point, why would you assume your husband will be different? living with anyone day in and day out, little things are bound to get to you. you're bound to not like them very much for awhile. you're bound to argue over things you care deeply about.

and it's okay. because at the end of the day, you're committed and you'll work things out.

[Salika]

Originally Posted by displaced

like I said..I'd love to get your opinion in 10 years. no one's saying that talking things out isn't the right w