[sixpakistan]

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

There are lots of ways to make it work. I don't see much difference in married people living together, having part time jobs, and sharing expenses, and living with roomates who all work part time jobs and share expenses. Plus, Spouses are much better than roomates. Your expenses don't double just becuase you got married. Most college kids share apartments, and work. Why not get married?

Part of the problem is that in more than a few Muslim cultures, it's unlikely a guy's parents are going to let their son get married until he's "established," and it's unlikely a girl's parents are going to let their daughter marry a guy who isn't "established."

[Rida]

Am i the only one who see's that this thread is going to end up as another sunni/shia deathmatch. OP's shia and he's hinting at mut'a.

Wassalaam

p.s. maybe i've just been corrupted and am reading too much into it.

[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by sixpakistan

Part of the problem is that in more than a few Muslim cultures, it's unlikely a guy's parents are going to let their son get married until he's "established," and it's unlikely a girl's parents are going to let their daughter marry a guy who isn't "established."

That's a different story. Most people are talking about financial matters, and I don't see how it's financially a no-go zone. I got married durring my undergrad, we managed just fine and my parents didn't send me any money. My mom and dad got married durring their undergrad too. Nearly half of my friends in undergrad either got married, or were living together with their bf/gf before they graduated. I know lots of people who even have kids durring undergrad. It's not impossible. I don't even think it's particularly unadviseable (well, maybe the kids part, daycare is horrificly expensive).

I think the cultural excuse is much better than a financial excuse.

[IbnMardhiyah]

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

How does it make any lese sense than two strangers sharing a 1 bed apartment, having a part time job, and sharing expenses? That's what most college students do, they live off campus in apartments, and share expenses with a roomate. Why do you have to quit your job once you get married? Even kids living in the dorms have jobs these days. Dorm living is by and large more expensive than living in apartments.

If the kids don't work and the parents are willing to pay the kids dorm expenses, why wouldn't they be willing to save money, and pay the kids rent in an apartment? They would end up paying less overall.

Because his first excuse was that he can't get married for the next three years, until school is over, and that's the excuse kids give when they're cash-strapped and on financial student loans, and thus they can't bear the financial responsibilities of marriage.

That's why they're giving that excuse, and that's why I said get married anyways but just stay living where you are. Moving in together will increase expenses.

[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

Because his first excuse was that he can't get married for the next three years, until school is over, and that's the excuse kids give when they're cash-strapped and on financial student loans, and thus they can't bear the financial responsibilities of marriage.

That's why they're giving that excuse, and that's why I said get married anyways but just stay living where you are. Moving in together will increase expenses.

Married students are eligable for more financial aid than unmarried students

Moving in together COULD increase expenses, it doesn't have to.

I think he should get married anyway, and I don't see why they couldn't live together, depending on the situation.

Otherwise, there really are things to do that will reduce your desires.

[wheelworks]

Is it just me or are Chotoo and Ibn trying to convince each other of the same things?

[IbnMardhiyah]

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

I think he should get married anyway, and I don't see why they couldn't live together, depending on the situation.

Like I said, if they get married and stay at their same residences or, if one of them moves in to the existing residence of the other spouse.

Otherwise if they both move off to an apartment, then yes that will increase expenses unnecessarily.

[Budmano786]

Originally Posted by sixpakistan

Part of the problem is that in more than a few Muslim cultures, it's unlikely a guy's parents are going to let their son get married until he's "established," and it's unlikely a girl's parents are going to let their daughter marry a guy who isn't "established."

agreed

Personally, I'm okay with the idea of letting them get nikkah and live apart, but how often does that happen in the real world? Not too often.

[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by wheelworks

Is it just me or are Chotoo and Ibn trying to convince each other of the same things?

Not exactly. It seems to be his oppinion that living together is really expensive. Speaking from experience, I'm saying it's no different than sharing an apartment with a roomate.

We are both saying that one should get married. We just differ on the financial aspects of the arrangement. I have an upper hand though, since I am married, and did get married in undergraduate, and didn't have help from my family (in fact I regularly sent them money). It all depends on how you work the situation.

[MossadConspiracy]

Originally Posted by sixpakistan

Part of the problem is that in more than a few Muslim cultures, it's unlikely a guy's parents are going to let their son get married until he's "established," and it's unlikely a girl's parents are going to let their daughter marry a guy who isn't "established."

salam

i dont think thats necessarily a bad thing though. Its human nature to want to protect your children, especially a daughter. A guy who has no job, no independent income, and no real way to support a wife or raise a family is not a suitable husband in most cultures. I think theres wisdom in that. Engagement and betrothal is one thing, but marriage is another. What is the point of a marriage if theres no independent home, if the husband isnt supporting his wife, if the husband is not capable of supporting any kids that may come, etc. I know that if I ever have a daughter theres no way I'll let her get married to a guy who is still being supported by his mom and dad and has no career or income. Would you? Its reasonable to let young people get engaged, holding off on marriage until the two can have a stable household. But rushing into marriage just because the young guy is horny doesnt seem too wise

Dealing with horniness is an important issue to some people, i guess, but its possible to be patient. If it was my son thats how I would advise him.

ws

[IbnMardhiyah]

Originally Posted by Budmano786

Personally, I'm okay with the idea of letting them get nikkah and live apart, but how often does that happen in the real world? Not too often.

Happens with a lot of couples I know in the Toronto area. Its a good sound alternative to living together.

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

Not exactly. It seems to be his oppinion that living together is really expensive. Speaking from experience, I'm saying it's no different than sharing an apartment with a roomate.

Presuming the OP doesn't have a full-time job and is in school, why would you advise him to get married and then the two of them move out from their existing abodes?

Financially, it does not make sense.

I can't make it any simpler than that.

[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

Presuming the OP doesn't have a full-time job and is in school, why would you advise him to get married and then the two of them move out from their existing abodes?

Financially, it does not make sense.

I can't make it any simpler than that.

You and I are going to have to agree to disagree on that one. I've actually done it, and saved money. I didn't have a full time job, I was working part time, and going to school full time. Before I got married I was sharing an apartment with 2 roomates, going to school full time, and working part time. My financial situation actually improved after I got married. My parents did it no problem, both were full time students working part time. My sister and her husband both go to school full time, and work part time, and she doesn't even take student loans. I work with undergrads, and the vast majority of them have some kind of job, even the ones living in dorms.

It's incredibly difficult to live away from your spouse. It can put all kinds of strain both on the relationship, and be very distracting for school. That's why I don't advise living apart, especially when the financial situation can be managed with very little effort. Yes, if you are used to an incredibly extravegant lifestyle, it's not going to work. Most students don't have that lifestyle, so it works very well.

It depends on the situation of the two people, something neither you nor I are qualified to judge. My point is that it's not impossible, and depending on the situation, it isn't even financially a bad thing either. Speaking from personal experience, and looking at the experience of other family members and friends, the small effort of making it work financially is well worth the extra time you spend with your spouse.

[Bluestar]

too hungry to fast? I wouldn't have used that excuse when i was 7, let alone now

Boys who don't know how to curb their sexual desires and then turn into super religious/ very deeny guys who say REALLY dirty things to a girl once they think they know her, is really annoying. The hypocrisy is shocking and i think Iranian punishment should be employed on them

[Bruinrab]

Originally Posted by Bluestar

The hypocrisy is shocking and i think Iranian punishment should be employed on them

What, turn them into girls?