Relationship with your bhabi ( sister in-law) and dhulabahi

[Showkat]

Salaams All

Its typical of asian families that the brother in-law is accepted to joke around with his elder brothers wife. It could be his elder cousins wife or anyone else he regards as an older brother who has a wife.

I have seen people joking with their bhabi and some of the discussions and jokes are very explicit and filthy.

Also it is accepted to get physical in terms of the joking and I have seen this as well, often unintentionally certain parts of the body is touched, but since its only joking and messing about it is seen as normal.

The result of such joking and messing about is that it sometimes leads to fornication and again I have heard of many such cases. The child of such a liason is brought up not knowing who the father is and the real father does not know that his nephew/neice is actually his son/ daughter.

I would like to know the views of other members on this:

How can we prevent such practices?

How do we explain to our parents/ elders who are pious in terms of their ibadat that such things is haram?

And have you seen or experienced such cultural practices?

Some excellent views here Relationship with your bhabi ( sister in-law ) and Dhula bhai ( brother in-law) - 7th Century Generation

[LEGALEAGLE]

Showkat said

Salaams All

Its typical of asian families that the brother in-law is accepted to joke around with his elder brothers wife. It could be his elder cousins wife or anyone else he regards as an older brother who has a wife.

I have seen people joking with their bhabi and some of the discussions and jokes are very explicit and filthy.

Also it is accepted to get physical in terms of the joking and I have seen this as well, often unintentionally certain parts of the body is touched, but since its only joking and messing about it is seen as normal.

The result of such joking and messing about is that it sometimes leads to fornication and again I have heard of many such cases. The child of such a liason is brought up not knowing who the father is and the real father does not know that his nephew/neice is actually his son/ daughter.

I would like to know the views of other members on this:

How can we prevent such practices?

How do we explain to our parents/ elders who are pious in terms of their ibadat that such things is haram?

And have you seen or experienced such cultural practices?

Some excellent views here Relationship with your bhabi ( sister in-law ) and Dhula bhai ( brother in-law) - 7th Century Generation

Hmm it's never happened in my family.

Maybe you're extending the term 'asian' too widely

[ChotooMotoo]

Your family is weird.

[LEGALEAGLE]

ChotooMotoo said

Your family is weird.

Mine ?!

[ChotooMotoo]

LEGALEAGLE said

Mine ?!

No no, Showkat's family. Your family seems normal from what I can gather.

[LEGALEAGLE]

ChotooMotoo said

No no, Showkat's family. Your family seems normal from what I can gather.

jazakalla thanks !

[Aryan_]

Can't believe you couldn't weave a poem in there somewhere.

[UmmUmayr]

Its quite common actually, amongst Asian, Europeans and others.

Sickkkkkkkkkk

[HiJaBi_ShAh]

How to deal with it?...just dont touch non mehrams..simple?. Here in UK us brits aren't touchy touchy..unlike in canada and america. my cousins over here are quite reserved in the field of opposite gender relations whereas, my cousins in CA are totally the opposite. i dont know how this links directly into your concern but i think you might get what im tryna say.

[UmmUmayr]

Asalaamu alaikum, I found this elsewhere, gonna post whats relevant to this topic:

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: "What is referred to
in this hadeeth is the husband's relatives apart from his father and
his sons, because those are mahrams for his wife and can be alone
with her, so they are not described as death. What is referred to
here is his brother, nephew, uncle and cousin, and others who she
would be permitted to marry if she were not already married. Usually
people take the matter lightly with regard to these relatives, so a
brother may be alone with his brother's wife. Thus he is likened to
death, when he should be prevented from being alone with her more
than a stranger should." (Fath al-Baari, 9/331).

The phrase "the brother-in-law is death" has a number of meanings,
such as:

That being alone with the brother-in-law may lead to spiritual
destruction if she commits sin;

Or it may lead to death if she commits the immoral act (zina or
adultery) and the punishment of stoning is carried out on her;

Or it may lead to the woman being destroyed if her husband leaves her
because his jealousy leads him to divorce her;

Or it may mean, beware of being alone with a non-mahram woman just as
you would beware of death;

Or it may mean that being alone with a non-mahram woman is as bad as
death.

It was said that it means, let the brother-in-law die rather than be
alone with a non-mahram woman,

All of this stems from the concern of Islam to preserve families and
households, and to prevent the tools of destruction reaching them in
the first place. Having learned what the Prophet (peace and blessings
of Allaah be upon him) said, what do you think now of those husbands
who tell their wives, "If my brother comes and I am not here, let him
into the sitting room", or a wife who tells a guest, "Go into the
sitting room" when there is no one else present in the house?

To those who raise the issue of trust as an excuse, saying "I trust
my wife, and I trust my brother, or my cousin", we say: your trust is
all well and good, and you should not be suspicious when you have no
cause to do so, but you should know that the hadeeth of the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), "No man is alone with a
non-mahram woman, but the Shaytaan is the third one present with
them" (reported by al-Tirmidhi, 1171) includes the most pious of
people as well as the most corrupt. Islam does not exempt anyone from
such rulings.

Addition:

Whilst writing these few lines, we heard about a problematic
situation in which, to cut a long story short, a man married a woman
and brought her to live in his family home, where she lived happily
with him. Then his younger brother began to enter upon her when her
husband was absent, and talk to her in a romantic manner, which
resulted in two things: firstly, she began to dislike her husband
intensely, and secondly, she fell in love with his brother. But she
was not able to divorce her husband, nor was she able to do what she
wanted with the other man. This is the grievous penalty. This story
illustrates one level of corruption, beyond which there are many more
which culminate in the immoral action (zinaa/adultery) and the birth
of illegitimate children.

Advice:

Segregating men and women in family visits.

Man is naturally gregarious and sociable; he needs friends and
friendships entail visiting one another.

When there are visits between families, we should block the path of
evil by not mixing. One of the indications that mixing is haraam is
the aayah (interpretation of the meaning):

"… And when you ask his wives) for anything you want, ask them from
behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts…"
[al-Ahzaab 33:53]

If we were to look for the evil results of mixing during family
visits, we would find many objectionable things, such as:

1. In most cases the hijab of women in these mixed gatherings is
non-existent or is not proper, so a woman may display her beauty
before someone in front of whom it is not permissible for her to
uncover herself. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning): "And
tell the believing women… not to reveal their adornment…" [al-Noor
24:31]. It may happen that a woman adorns herself for strangers in a
mixed gathering in a way that she never does for her husband.

2. When men see women in one gathering, this is a cause of
corruption in the religion and morals, and provokes desires in a
forbidden manner.

3. The spouses may argue and ignore one another in an alarming
fashion, when one looks at or winks at another man's wife, or laughs
and jokes with her, and she with him. After a couple returns home,
the settling of scores begins:

Man: Why did you laugh at what so and so said, when he did not say
anything funny?

Woman: And why did you wink at so and so?

Man: When he spoke, you understood him quickly, but you do not
understand what I say at all!

Thus they trade accusations and the matter ends in enmity and even
divorce.

[Sabz]

HiJaBi_ShAh said

How to deal with it?...just dont touch non mehrams..simple?. Here in UK us brits aren't touchy touchy..unlike in canada and america. my cousins over here are quite reserved in the field of opposite gender relations whereas, my cousins in CA are totally the opposite. i dont know how this links directly into your concern but i think you might get what im tryna say.

If were not touchy touchy why do you constantly likr to touch me

(oj love ya, hey tuesday you better be there)

I havent really ever seen thism so Allah hu alim.,

walaikum as salaam
Sabz

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

I absolutely DESPISE the sometimes asian family set-up of 'we're all family.' Including cousins, brother in laws, over affectionate sister in laws...cousins who propose, it's pathetic, unrealistic and unislamic.

Shaytaan is ALWAYS the third person and ALWAYS trying to break up families, so why bother?

[HiJaBi_ShAh]

Sabz said

If were not touchy touchy why do you constantly likr to touch me

(oj love ya, hey tuesday you better be there)

I havent really ever seen thism so Allah hu alim.,

walaikum as salaam
Sabz

you know that sounds SO bad. and im not touchy touchy anyhows...ewww tauba tauba

(hugs and kisses dont count )

[Anderson]

OMG....What if......somebody touched his sister in law and then got her pregnant without knowing the baby was his and then twenty years later arranged a cousin marriage for the kid with his other kid not knowing it was a half/brother-sister marriage....how disguisting, shame on you showkat, SHAME ON YOU

[shsh]

Anderson said

OMG....What if......somebody touched his sister in law and then got her pregnant without knowing the baby was his and then twenty years later arranged a cousin marriage for the kid with his other kid not knowing it was a half/brother-sister marriage....how disguisting, shame on you showkat, SHAME ON YOU

you are so sick....