Would you marry someone considerably older than you?

[Bluestar]

um it depends, i don't think it's fair to make a yes/no answer to the possibility. Obviously it would depend on his/her personality. The fact that they were 10 years older may make me slightly apprehensive because i would want to be his partner in the relationship and not his daughter (which would be a bit weird) but again that depends on the relationship which exists and i'd ensure i'd have the upper hand; there are no trousers unless i say so

[Sapphire]

ten years younger? Thats illegal. Not that I'm considering it. Ever. besides guys take a much longer time to grow up...so yeh older is better...

[wheelworks]

Originally Posted by Sapphire

ten years younger? Thats illegal. Not that I'm considering it. Ever. besides guys take a much longer time to grow up...so yeh older is better...

What if you're 60 and single and a 50 year old guy proposed to you?

[serendipity_000]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I wouldn't marry someone more than 3 years older than me. Older Muslim guys that I've met get stiff really early and age quickly...or maybe thats because all the older Muslims I've met are surgeons and bankers and all very stressed out...I dunno...

I would definitely marry a younger guy. The ones I've met have been really mature and on point in terms of deen etc. So I'd have no reservations about a younger guy. In fact, I prefer it.

But I guess my experiences have been different...

Why are girls so against younger guys? Does it have to do with what is expected? Like guy has to be a few years older, a few inches taller and all that? Or does it have to do with financial stability and such?

[LEGALEAGLE]

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Assalamu Alaikum,

I wouldn't marry someone more than 3 years older than me. Older Muslim guys that I've met get stiff really early and age quickly...or maybe thats because all the older Muslims I've met are surgeons and bankers and all very stressed out...I dunno...

I would definitely marry a younger guy. The ones I've met have been really mature and on point in terms of deen etc. So I'd have no reservations about a younger guy. In fact, I prefer it.

But I guess my experiences have been different...

Why are girls so against younger guys? Does it have to do with what is expected? Like guy has to be a few years older, a few inches taller and all that? Or does it have to do with financial stability and such?

I know three guys who've married older women and the marriages lasted less than 3 years.
In two of the cases it was because the women seemed so out going etc. The third was a forced marriage

[serendipity_000]

Originally Posted by LEGALEAGLE

I know three guys who've married older women and the marriages lasted less than 3 years.
In two of the cases it was because the women seemed so out going etc. The third was a forced marriage

Assalamu Alaikum,

I don't understand the bolded part

I'm sorry to hear that the marriages didn't work out...there are marriages with people of the same age, older men with younger women, full sized people with dwarfs that don't work out. I hardly think you can attribute the dissolution of a marriage solely to age...

And the younger guys I've met don't have the issues that usually prevent younger guys from being able to get married. I dunno, maybe guys in some cultures mature faster because they aren't as incessantly coddled? Allahu Alim...

[LEGALEAGLE]

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Assalamu Alaikum,

I don't understand the bolded part

I'm sorry to hear that the marriages didn't work out...there are marriages with people of the same age, older men with younger women, full sized people with dwarfs that don't work out. I hardly think you can attribute the dissolution of a marriage solely to age...

And the younger guys I've met don't have the issues that usually prevent younger guys from being able to get married. I dunno, maybe guys in some cultures mature faster because they aren't as incessantly coddled? Allahu Alim...

I don't know.

There's always exceptions to circumstances but personally in my experience younger guy/ older woman marriages rarely work.

[serendipity_000]

Originally Posted by LEGALEAGLE

I don't know.

There's always exceptions to circumstances but personally in my experience younger guy/ older woman marriages rarely work.

Assalamu Alaikum,

I guess it depends...as with any type of marriage. In my family and circle of friends, it seems to work quite fine...

I have like every ethnicity and age pairing in my family. My mother is older than my father and I would love to have a relationship like theirs . My uncle is younger than his wife, some of our family friends are in a older wife-younger husband marriage. My brother is married to an older woman. But one of my uncles is married to someone 15 years younger, an aunt to a guy 17 years older. I have everything from Swedes and Germans to Japanese in my family... I guess I've seen just about everything work out.

And generally the people my family know are pretty open minded about lots of things, so my marrying a younger guy wouldn't be a big deal for his family or mine, cause all of the younger guys I know, pretty much have their stuff in order, are mature, responsible and are independent in terms of the apron strings being cut...so Allahu Alim.

But I can see how it can be an issue in certain cultures with different expectations and family structures. We're pretty Euro in my family and circle and pretty much anything halal goes

[LEGALEAGLE]

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Assalamu Alaikum,
We're pretty Euro in my family and circle and pretty much anything halal goes

I'm not quite sure what you mean by that

Are you implying that other people's are less ethnically mixed ?

[serendipity_000]

Originally Posted by LEGALEAGLE

I'm not quite sure what you mean by that

Are you implying that other people's are less ethnically mixed ?

Assalamu Alaikum,

Ummm no

Just that we and the people we know (and the prospects I have right now in terms of marriage) are pretty open to different types of marriages in terms of age and ethnicity and anything that is halal for us. Actually the only thing we're all less open to is socio-economic differences, so I take it back, we're into things that are also not that great and halal.

But I dunno what other families are like, so I'm not assuming anything about them. Just that based on my experiences marrying an older guy turn out fine, so does marrying different cultures etc. Just in general most things fly (based on what I've seen). You've just had different experiences than I have had...

[sally]

How old are you, serendipity?

[LEGALEAGLE]

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Assalamu Alaikum,

Ummm no

Just that we and the people we know (and the prospects I have right now in terms of marriage) are pretty open to different types of marriages in terms of age and ethnicity and anything that is halal for us. Actually the only thing we're all less open to is socio-economic differences, so I take it back, we're into things that are also not that great and halal.

But I dunno what other families are like, so I'm not assuming anything about them. Just that based on my experiences marrying an older guy turn out fine, so does marrying different cultures etc. Just in general most things fly (based on what I've seen). You've just had different experiences than I have had...

agreed.

every culture has its own standards of what is acceptable.

[serendipity_000]

Originally Posted by sally

How old are you, serendipity?

Assalamu Alaikum,

Insh'Allah I'll be 22 in a few weeks.

[sally]

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Assalamu Alaikum,

Insh'Allah I'll be 22 in a few weeks.

weird.. i'm 20 and a half... and really really dont find guys up until the age of 25 to generally be that mature at all

i can honestly say that i know of maybe like 5 guys around our age whom i would consider to be marriage material..

i dont think its anything to be offended by at all actually.. like, guys just mature a little bit later than girls in that sense. theyre raised to believe they can only really start considering serious settling down until after college/stable job

so basically if a guy knows he wont be able to get married until after college and a job ANYWAY, then he's just thinking, okay, ill have all this time to waste so let me just do whatever i want

usually the ones who stand out are the ones who truthfully believe they should be able to easily get married while in college because they think theyre mature and etc, and so they start to concentrate on school and relationship with parents and their deen from early on..like theyre very motivated to get their act together and try to become real men

[serendipity_000]

Originally Posted by sally

weird.. i'm 20 and a half... and really really dont find guys up until the age of 25 to generally be that mature at all

i can honestly say that i know of maybe like 5 guys around our age whom i would consider to be marriage material..

i dont think its anything to be offended by at all actually.. like, guys just mature a little bit later than girls in that sense. theyre raised to believe they can only really start considering serious settling down until after college/stable job

so basically if a guy knows he wont be able to get married until after college and a job ANYWAY, then he's just thinking, okay, ill have all this time to waste so let me just do whatever i want

usually the ones who stand out are the ones who truthfully believe they should be able to easily get married while in college because they think theyre mature and etc, and so they start to concentrate on school and relationship with parents and their deen from early on..like theyre very motivated to get their act together and try to become real men

Assalamu Alaikum,

That makes sense...

I guess the people I'm thinking about are not the average teenagers. Like my father's friend has a business in Qatar and Dubai and his sons started spending their summers working over there when they were about 13/14. At 18, one of the sons convinced his father to invest in a business he started, so his freshman year was quite different that the usual. He's 20 now and has a much different mindset that other guys his age.

I dunno, the guys around me who are younger, have been "men" since they were like 14. This other guy my family knows, he just turned 19. He converted when he was 13 and he;s more mature than a lot of guys double his age. His interests, his personality...not the typical 19 year old.

I know my fair share of goofy teenage boys (I do have younger brothers), but I also know lots of younger guys who are just not the stereotypical teenager.