[Wolfn]

Salaams. How does a Muslim marriage work? To my understanding, we're not allowed to date, so how do I meet a girl, etc? Is a Muslim marriage similar to a Christian one or anything?

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

Originally Posted by Wolfn

Salaams. How does a Muslim marriage work? To my understanding, we're not allowed to date, so how do I meet a girl, etc? Is a Muslim marriage similar to a Christian one or anything?

MSA or MSN

[shadha]

Why don't you just read a couple books on it or search the web?


shadha-

[Wolfn]

Originally Posted by shadha

Why don't you just read a couple books on it or search the web?


shadha-

I can't teach myself. I've tried doing that for salaat and everything, and 5 months after I converted I'm finally learning to pronounce everything. I can't teach myself things.

[gmk]

Go online to Muslim matrimonial sites and talk to people on there. Looking for a mate is a learned skill. You will suck at it at first. But over time, you will start to get a good idea of what you are looking for and how to recognize those traits in another person. If you read one of the books written by Neil Clark Warren (eharmony founder), it will give you some great tips on how to recognize the right traits in a potential marriage partner early on in communication. But ultimately, it takes experience to get to the point where A) you are ready and B) you find the right one. Good luck!

[MossadConspiracy]

traditionally its supposed to be an arranged marriage which would make it hard for someone who converts without their family converting. Nowadays there are alot of different forms of pseudo-dating that people do along with the old school family-based ways. Find a girl that you like and chat with her online or talk to her in person, etc. She'll explain to you how her parents want it to be done and you just do that... then boom, you're married (welcome to hell)

[shadha]

Wolfn: I can't teach myself. I've tried doing that for salaat and everything, and 5 months after I converted I'm finally learning to pronounce everything. I can't teach myself things.

Reading about marriage in a religion on your own is entirely different from teaching yourself a language. Example- how is reading the replies different from reading it in a book?


shadha-

[niqabi]

Originally Posted by shadha

Wolfn: I can't teach myself. I've tried doing that for salaat and everything, and 5 months after I converted I'm finally learning to pronounce everything. I can't teach myself things.

Reading about marriage in a religion on your own is entirely different from teaching yourself a language. Example- how is reading the replies different from reading it in a book?


shadha-

I think its perfectly ok if the brother is asking us questions, especially since he has recently accepted Islam and some of this stuff might be new to him.

Wolfn: You can visit you're local masjid and speak to your Imam about getting married because most of our community centers have a matrimonial section. He can pass the word around and he will tell you about some of the sisters who are also looking. From there, you sort out the ones you are interested in and kindly decline the ones who might not seem fit. All of the prospects are involved with the masjid's matrimonial system have understanding that the two people are introduced for the intentions marriage.

May Allah make it easy for you, Ameen.

[shadha]

Niqabi: I think its perfectly ok if the brother is asking us questions, especially since he has recently accepted Islam and some of this stuff might be new to him.

I'm just amused that every other minute of his life has to be recorded with a thread.


shadha-

[Wolfn]

Originally Posted by shadha

Niqabi: I think its perfectly ok if the brother is asking us questions, especially since he has recently accepted Islam and some of this stuff might be new to him.

I'm just amused that every other minute of his life has to be recorded with a thread.


shadha-

Actually, I admit that I went crazy with posting. Sorry about that. Sometimes I'm just excited about something and need to share.

Another reason why I'm asking this thread is because I have a friend my age who's planning to get married now (1-2 months) so I'm just looking to see what to do.

[IbnMardhiyah]

Dude you still got a couple of years. You definitely shouldn't get married now - wait until you have a year left in college or university, and definitely make sure you have the financial backbone to be able to support a wife.

In the meantime, just take it easy, sit back, and observe.

You won't get a better teacher than that. (life)

[shadha]

Wolfn: Actually, I admit that I went crazy with posting. Sorry about that. Sometimes I'm just excited about something and need to share.
Another reason why I'm asking this thread is because I have a friend my age who's planning to get married now (1-2 months) so I'm just looking to see what to do.

Lol, you OD on the posting.

I admit, you had a cute reply, so I'll give my take.

I met my fiance online...it was total random and unintentional. My friends actually set it up after hearing me complain about the selection of men in my community. The young men in much community leave much to be desired. Anyway, a matrimonial site isn't something that I would suggest doing, I just Alhumdulilah lucked out. Who knows, maybe you will too, just don't invest a lot into it eh.

You can also meet girls through your Masjid community and through your Muslim friends. In the Masjid, keep it real and be yourself. People are watching you, if you conduct yourself in a respectful manner in and out of the Masjid, they are going to see this and take note. Next thing you know, they are talking about you to others who are interested in getting married.

Just know, with marriage comes responsibility, so make sure you are in the position, financially/emotionally/mentally, that can shoulder the responsibility and CHANGE, eh.

Marriage wise-- tomorrow we're signing the contract in front of my community. My extended non-Muslim family isn't attending [actually, I do have one of my cousins coming ]and instead is going to witness us doing the legal paperwork next year. Them not attending was their own choice for I did give them that option. Will tomorrow be similar to a Christian wedding? Well, I'm wearing the traditional white dress with a tiara. Lol. We're doing the 'vows' in front of everyone and there will be the 'reception'. The only big difference I see is that everyone tomorrow will be sitting on the ground compared to sitting on wooden benches.

But please, in the future, do read some books. Reading is the first commandment of Allah, swt, don't sabotage yourself eh. The most important book to read about marriage in Islam is the Qur'an. Wallahi, I have read and read and read the verses of marriage in the Qur'an so many times and with each time I have a better understanding and appreciation for why Allah, swt, said such.

EDIT: And no, Christian marriages and Muslim ones are not at all similar IMO. There is a lot more that is expected of Muslims and just the general whiff of things are different, especially roles and responsibilities.


shadha-

[PhDGirl]

Honestly, since you just reverted, I'd suggest waiting for a couple of years. It's important to find someone compatible with you on an Islamic level, and you might find that as you learn more, your thoughts on various things change. Give yourself time to mature and settle in before you worry about this. In the meantime, concentrate on school and on learning about Islam. Good luck!

[Revert]

As a fellow Revert bro I'll chime in on the subject.

I met my wife online, there this option or theres the MSA option. Being as you are a revert you are at a slight disadvantage in the Muslim Matrimonial Networking stakes, but don't let that put you off. The difference between me and you is age. I was 24 when I met my wife and 26 when I got married. As a western dude I would suggest waiting a while to mentally mature and learn to socialise amongst Muslims.

As for the actual Marriage ceromony its very different to a Christian one. The part with the Imam in the Masjid is very personal and intimate with few witnesses the Imam and the bridge and Groom. Its for the sake of Allah and remains very humble. There can be an afterparty and this is where many people choose to get extravagant, personally I kept it quiet, but its up to the induvidual.

Hope this helps bro.

[gmk]

Originally Posted by PhDGirl

Honestly, since you just reverted, I'd suggest waiting for a couple of years. It's important to find someone compatible with you on an Islamic level, and you might find that as you learn more, your thoughts on various things change. Give yourself time to mature and settle in before you worry about this. In the meantime, concentrate on school and on learning about Islam. Good luck!

I second that. I've heard about marriages that have fallen apart b/c a new convert got married too soon. Over time, you will definitely change your understanding of the faith b/c you will learn more about it on your own and understand it differently than other people do. In the beginning your understanding is heavily influenced by others, and this is by necessity b/c there is so much to learn. If you get married right away to someone who believes the same exact things that you believe, and later you find that maybe you were mistaken about some of those things, that's going to cause some serious friction with your spouse. I got married 4 years after converting. By then I knew who I was and what kind of person I was looking for.

Of course, you already said you are going to wait for 4-5 years, so you probably don't need to hear any of this, but sometimes people change their minds on a whim and get married sooner than they'd planned.