[GOTFIVEONIT]

everyone has a black sheep in thier family for one reason or another. I just find this whole desi notion of 'looking good' and judging the actions of family members really stupid when choosing a spouse, especially when its concerning a wife. because let's face it all the girl's parents care about is $$$$$$$, the guy could do practically anything and get away with it - so long as he has the cash to back it up.

but for me personally i wouldnt care about the actions of a girl's sibling, if her sister had a wild a side, or if her brother was a partying drunk, because all what matter's is the girl herself not her siblings. If the girl is great, but her siblings are not, then the way i see it, if it bothers you that much, then you should try your best to change that person's jahil ways, and you will even get blessing for doing so, which is far more important than what other stupid people think about you. after all, it's not her fault, im sure she would have tried her best in the past to change them before, but their sibling just wouldnt listen.

[PhDGirl]

What brought this on?

[MossadConspiracy]

my family doesnt really have a black sheep, if anyone is a black sheep it would probably be me. Anyway, i think if someone is good but has a sibling thats really bad, i might go back and see how good the girl actually is. Because they both had the same upbringing. It would be important to think about

ws

[GOTFIVEONIT]

Originally Posted by PhDGirl

What brought this on?

im just speaking in general terms here. after all bill clinton had his embarrassing half-brother, roger. jimmy carter had his embarassing brother billy, and even this current bush has quite a few brothers who are more embarrassing than he is.

[GOTFIVEONIT]

Originally Posted by MossadConspiracy

my family doesnt really have a black sheep, if anyone is a black sheep it would probably be me. Anyway, i think if someone is good but has a sibling thats really bad, i might go back and see how good the girl actually is. Because they both had the same upbringing. It would be important to think about

ws

obviously you either have no sisters or have no siblings at all. alot of siblings can be very vastly different, even if they grew up under the same roof. im nothing like any of my siblings after all.

[MossadConspiracy]

I have 2 brothers and a sister

[ChotooMotoo]

I really depends on the criteria.

[GOTFIVEONIT]

well my point is, that we are different from our siblings. we are not all exactly alike. we all have different interests, different personalities, etc. even twin siblings are like this.

[real]

me and my sister are different breeds of black sheep. same with my wife; her and her sister are diff breeds of black sheep. and the few who know me offline on this board will tell you; im crazy. or i was til i got married lol.

ppl who judge you as such prolly arent meant for you by Allah's will. in my view they are irrelevent.

unfortunately in todays age of cash and clothes, one's iman and actions mean nothing and everything else means something. everyone loves to nitpick about something.

[Nana]

All I can say is that you can't judge people on their siblings. I know a girl whose older sister was wild, bad to the parents, finaly got away married somebody she didn't introduce to them, but the younger sister is like the opostite, religious, respecting parents, plus more beautifull outwordly and inwardly. I think it is in genes.

[Timbit]

I have four siblings and we're all different people.
And I see that in my cousins too.

So I wouldn't judge anybody based on their family members.

[shsh]

baa baa black sheep have you any wool.
yes sir, yes sir, three bags full
one for the master, one for the dame
one for the little boy who lives down the lane..



i can play that on the violin

[the_only_one]

All of my siblings act the same..at times we are heartless and others we're full of sympathy...we change personalities like a bird would change its direction after a storm.Each day we've sheeps of all colours !

[Arabesque]

I think I kind of agree with MC. It's not much to do with having the same upbringing, though, but the fact that the "black sheeps" are going to be the uncles and aunts of your future kids. If you come from a culture where the concept of a nuclear family will still include your grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins, then you'll have to worry about family influence.

People in our cultures forge alliances by getting married. Families care about who they associate and intermarry with. It's all about the genes. People obsess about the idea that bad genes are hereditary. Culturally, they have a point. Religiously, they don't. No man has to bear the burden of another's wrong-doing, but then again, that's too idealistic. In the days of the Prophet (sAaw), people would marry others, even if their entire families were kuffar, you see. They had the same upbringing. But Allah (swt) has different plans for everyone.

Anyway, don't stress about it too much. If you're a good person, Allah will send you a good partner, insha'Allah.

[GOTFIVEONIT]

ya but how often are they going to see thier uncles and aunts? and by the time that they could even wield any influence, they will have probably grown up and matured by then.