and finally, just like that all is well. all i had to do was let go. not keep holding on. (keeping tabs doesn't count... lurking can be addictive.) well, i shouldn't be giving myself all the credit. it's amazing how things work out. n it's safe to assume that they did. for now. i should apply this lesson to all aspects of life. to stuff. i can be such a control troll sometimes. why does everything need to happen on my terms? and what are my terms? that everything happen when i want it to and how i want it to. or more like, nothing should ever happen. nothing should change. everything should stay the same. i'm happy enough staring at the clouds on a given day. or the stars on a given night. or reading a book. or watching tv. perhaps i either like existing inside my thoughts or existing unaware of them. either way is good. or bad. hey, at least i still go to work, shower regularly, cook n clean sometimes. and pretend to talk to people. it's actually funny that sometimes i'm not even there. or here for that matter. i think Allah (swt) has an amazing sense of humor. such great timing for the punchlines. n such imaginative characters. it actually works out in the end. you get a good laugh at yourself. i used to think i was old when i was 10 yrs old. at 12, i was ancient. now at 27 :gasp: i feel like a lil kid. and i happen to know a 31 yr old who's a bigger lil kid than i m. it's hilarious. it's a new beginning... like arabic 101.