Athens Petitions PSC to Add Sparta to Entities

[IbnMardhiyah]

This is one of my favorites.

-----------------------------------------------------


The city-state of Athens has petitioned Public Safety Canada to add Sparta to it’s list of terrorist entities.

The list can be found under the Criminal Code, as enabled by the Anti-Terrorism Act.

83.05 (1) The Governor in Council may, by regulation, establish a list on which the Governor in Council may place any entity if, on the recommendation of the Minister of Public Safety and Emergency Preparedness, the Governor in Council is satisfied that there are reasonable grounds to believe that

(a) the entity has knowingly carried out, attempted to carry out, participated in or facilitated a terrorist activity; or
(b) the entity is knowingly acting on behalf of, at the direction of or in association with an entity referred to in paragraph (a).

Socrates, an Athenian spokesperson, said,

What we find deeply troubling is that a large segment of the Canadian population sympathizes with Sparta and its political goals and ambitions. They are using popular propaganda such as the film 300 to spread their message of anti-colonialism, available in Canada only through satellite television services like pay-per-view.

Canadian teens are already running our streets screaming “This is Sparta!” while kicking anyone that remotely resembles Xerxes’ Persians. The Spartan themselves have been known to practice eugenics by throwing any children too weak or deformed off cliffs. We’re already seeing these practices infiltrate into Canadian society. Those that survive this initial scrutiny then go through a vigorous and mind-numbing training intended to encourage a blood-lust.

The entire complaint can be read in full here.

This site has since been taken down, so we’ve reproduced the complaint below in full (the graphics, which were even better, seem to be lost forever):

A spokesman for the White House today called upon the world to condemn the terrorist acts carried out by the Spartans against the people of ancient Persia as caught on film in the new expose, 300, which debuted last weekend.

“Something has to be done about those Spartan Madrasas,” President Bush said at a luncheon sponsored by the Conservative Association of America later in the day, “those guys indoctrinate children to kill as soon as they could walk. Their military education begins at the age of 7, and they send them out at 13 to fend for themselves in the wildertude.”

“There are definitely clear Jihadi elements that are deeply embedded in Spartan culture,” Stephen Emerson, investigative journalist and author of Spartan Jihad: Aegean Terrorism said. “They strap swords and spears to their children and then catapult them into the line of fire. They brainwash them to perform Jihad as a way to attain masculinity and heroism.”

Emerson pointed out that Spartan mothers contribute to the culture of death by encouraging and glorifying martyrdom; the queen of Sparta urged her husband, before he went on his last killing spree, to “come back with your shield – or on top of it,” he said.

In a phone interview, Robert Spencer who runs the website Jihadwatch.com was asked if the Persian occupation of Sparta fared into the equation.

“It’s actually not at all relevant that their land was occupied. That’s taking things out of context,” Spencer said. “Their barbarity is a genetic thing; they have a biological propensity for violence and bloodshed. They could have gone Gandhi’s route – you know, the Pakistani guy.

“In the face of a clearly powerful military - Rhinos, Elephants, and a steady stream of arrows - their vow to fight to the last drop of blood is nothing short of suicide – again, bloodthirstiness as a theme here.”
Emerson who advises the U.S. government on tactics used by ancient terrorist groups said that the bloody existence of Sparta before the Persian invasion offers plenty of evidence to back Spencer’s theory up.
“The Spartans who are Sunni, and the Athenians who are presumably Shiite have long fought bloody wars against each other, it’s much too deep and bloody a conflict for us to understand,” Emerson said.
“According to the Persian Book of Achaemenians, they have no case,” Pat Robertson said in a home interview.

“The land of Sparta was promised to the ancient Persians by their God-King, Xerxes I,” he said. “The Spartans would not share the land when given the opportunity, more than one opportunity as the matter of fact.”

A female voice from Robertson’s kitchen chimed in, “they stood up against the will of the God-King, so why should anyone feel any sympathy when the wrath of the God-King smothers them to the ground? The Spartans love to whine.”

“They were defiant and they wanted to drive the Persians to the sea,” Robertson echoes, pointing out that there is an actual scene in the film in which the Spartans drive the Persians into the sea.

“There is really no such thing as Sparta”, said Daniel Pipes, an expert on Sparta.

“Spartans are actually just Greeks and the name ‘Sparta’ was never really used until Feb 18th, 475 BC around lunchtime. There was plenty of room for them on the thousands of Greek Islands to settle in, but their fellow Greeks didn’t want anything to do with them, so it is not really ancient Persia’s burden there.”

Henry Kissinger felt the Spartans bit off more than they could chew, “they lost the war,” he said. “It’s that simple. They started it and they lost it.”
A CNN Headline Spokesman said that the Glenn Beck show intends to broadcast a 3 hour special next week entitled “Why they hate? An exclusive look at the secret world of Sparta’s School Curricula.”

King Leonidas was not available for comment.

[Bruinrab]

Let me know when Gerard Butler shows up. Till then, I'm not interested.