[IbnMardhiyah]

A Harvard man and a Yale man are at the urinal. They finish and zip up.

The Harvard man proceeds to the sink to wash his hands, while the Yale man immediately makes for the exit.

The Harvard man says, "At Hah-vahd they teach us to wash our hands after we urinate."

The Yale man replies, "At Yale they teach us not to piss on our hands."

[IbnMardhiyah]

Excerpt from an email ...


David connects the War on Terror with mortgages. Personally, I didn't think it could be done. I can just picture it now ... Person A looks up and says 'What was that Noise? Was it a bomb?'. Person B replies: What world are you living in friend? Bombs are so 90's. It was a mortgage company!


bwahahahahahahaaaa

[wheelworks]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

Excerpt from an email ...


David connects the War on Terror with mortgages. Personally, I didn't think it could be done. I can just picture it now ... Person A looks up and says 'What was that Noise? Was it a bomb?'. Person B replies: What world are you living in friend? Bombs are so 90's. It was a mortgage company!


bwahahahahahahaaaa

I'm sorry but this should go into the Lame joke thread. That was so not funny

[zeen]

A man and his wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the custody
of their child posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody.
The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge asks for his side of
the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and argued,
'Your Honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes
out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?'

[Wolfn]

Originally Posted by zeen

A man and his wife were seeking a divorce at a local court. But the custody
of their child posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the child into this world, she should retain custody.
The man also wanted custody of his child. The judge asks for his side of
the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and argued,
'Your Honour, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes
out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?'

lol

ten characters

[Deel]

Originally Posted by Wolfn

On a transatlantic flight, a plane passed through a severe storm. Things went from bad to worse when the plane got hit by lightning and started going down.

One woman jumped up and screamed "I'm too young to die! But I want my last moments to be memorable. Is there anyone on this plane who can make me feel like a real woman"?

No one said anything. After awhile, a handsome man stood up and started walking towards her. The woman started breathing heavily. As the man approached, he started unbuttoning his shirt. He slowly removed it.

He walked up to her and whispered...



























"Iron this"

*jaw drops*

[AM415]

(I think this was posted before islamica crashed)

A Teacher lecturing on population: "In India, after every 10 seconds a woman gives birth to a kid."

A Sardar stands up and says "We must find & stop her!"

[Yahya]

3 men went to the strip club, A Caucasian, an African and an Asian

The Caucasian man puts £10 on the stippers belt
The African guy puts £20 on the strippers belt,
The Asain guy takes out his credit card, swipes her belt and picks up the £30 saying '£30 cashback please'

[muslimahpower]

Desi Teachers' English:

In class :
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere
come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the air force come
in.
* Cut an apple in two halfs- take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away
outside
* Both of you three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the window.
* Take Copper Wire of any metal specially of Silver.
* Take 5 cm wire of any length.

About family :
* I have two daughters both of them are girls

At the play ground :
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.

Pronouncing punishment :
* You, rotate the ground four times
* You, go and under-stand the tree
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why you are late - say YES or NO

And 'Sir' at his best...!!!
*Desi teacher to a boy, angrily--> I talk, he talk,
why you middle middle talk ?

[Deel]

Originally Posted by muslimahpower

Desi Teachers' English:

In class :
* Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere
come in.
* Open the doors of the window. Let the air force come
in.
* Cut an apple in two halfs- take the bigger half.
* Shhh...Quiet, boys...the principal just passed away
outside
* Both of you three, get out of the class.
* Close the doors of the window.
* Take Copper Wire of any metal specially of Silver.
* Take 5 cm wire of any length.

About family :
* I have two daughters both of them are girls

At the play ground :
* All of you, stand in a straight circle.
* There is no wind in the balloon.

Pronouncing punishment :
* You, rotate the ground four times
* You, go and under-stand the tree
* You three of you, stand together separately.
* Why you are late - say YES or NO

And 'Sir' at his best...!!!
*Desi teacher to a boy, angrily--> I talk, he talk,
why you middle middle talk ?

why you middle middle talk?
lol i love it!

[Caramel_Candy]

What does a mexican fire fighter name his kids?



















JoseA
JoseB

hahaha

[Ilikemyscarf]

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the secretary of defence to the test. Bush summons Donald Rumsfeld to the White House and says, "Secretary Rumsfeld, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rumsfeld hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Rumsfeld leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Rumsfeld calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rumsfeld rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb sh*t, it's Tony Blair!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Gold Urinal
Before his 2001 inauguration, George Bush was invited to a get acquainted tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom.

When he entered Clinton 's personal bathroom, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid gold urinal.

That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. 'Just think,' he said, 'when I am president, I could have a gold urinal too.
But I wouldn't do something that self-indulgent!'

Later when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been at his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled, and said to Bill . . . "I found out who pi**ed in your saxophone

[Caramel_Candy]

Why did the tomato start to blush?
















Because it saw the salad dressing haha

[IbnMardhiyah]

Space Cadets

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead were trying out for a new NASA experiment on sending women to different planets. First, they called the brunette in and asked her a question.

"If you could go to any planet, what planet would you want to go to and why?" they asked.

After pondering the question she answered, "I would like to go to Mars because it seems so interesting with all the recent news about possible extraterrestrial life on the planet."

They said, "OK, thank you," and told her that they would get back to her.

Next, the redhead entered the room and the NASA people asked her the same question. In reply, she said, "I would like to go to Saturn to see all of its rings." Again, they thanked her and told her they would get back to her.

Finally, the blonde entered the room and they asked her the same question they asked the brunette and the redhead. She thought for a while and replied, "I would like to go to the sun."

The people from NASA replied, "Don't you know that if you went to the sun you would burn to death?"

The blonde smirked and put her hands on her hips. "Are you guys dumb? I'd go at night!"

[Deel]

i half expected her to say Jupiter ..so she can see