[Miryam]

Moving out

I'm 18 on September 4th.
I got accepted to a college close to home.
My parents don't want me to live on campus.
The only reason is because they want me to live with a muslim roommate but I wasn't able to get one.
They're being so silly about this, it would be cheaper for them if I lived on campus, but still, theyre so bent on not letting me room with a non muslim.
I think that should be my decision though, I don't really care.
I want to leave and live on campus. Can I do this legally at 18?
I feel like just packing up and going to that dorm.
Things aren't bad at home, I just want my space and more freedom.
I can cover the costs with loans,scholarships,grants if my parents decide not to pay for it when I move out.
What kind of jobs can I get while I'm a full time college student?

[MossadConspiracy]

salam

to answer your question, yes you can just leave home if you want to do that. But its going to hurt your relationship with your parents along with your reputation which will be important in the future if you want to get married. I wouldnt do it if I were you, but you can if you want to

college students can do all kinds of jobs in retail and services. also if you have any qualifications or training in anything else you can use that too

ws

[sumiyia]

i wouldnt do it. i've read/heard about tooooooo many bad experiences of sisters who ended up having to dorm with a non-muslim (or even a muslim who couldnt respect certain islamic boundaries and principles).

you'll probably be better off living at home. and in the end, you'll save a lot of money too.

[IbnMardhiyah]

Its not always about what's cheaper. We pay a price for modesty and we pay it willingly, and when it comes to gheerah for our women, what's cheaper isn't a concern.

I don't mean to put you down, but you're only 18 and you've seen nothing of the world compared to what your parents have, no matter how much TV or movies you've watched, books and magazines you've read, or what you've heard from friends and family. They have real reasons to want you to either be with a [practicing] Muslim room-mate, or to stay at home instead of on-campus.

Think about it from your perspective when you tell a little toddler not to go out alone, or to wander off, etc. You know some of the dangers that exist, you know the toddler isn't aware of stuff like traffic laws and how to cross the street, and what bad neighborhoods look like, etc. And the toddler most likely simply listens to you because you're older, in authority. and he / she looks up to you.

The same goes for you and your parents, but you know full well that they have a couple or several decades more experience than you do. Just trust them on this one.

[nooni]

Originally Posted by Miryam

Moving out

I'm 18 on September 4th.
I got accepted to a college close to home.
My parents don't want me to live on campus.
The only reason is because they want me to live with a muslim roommate but I wasn't able to get one.

I lived in campus all my college life, i was 17 when i moved, i had a non muslim roomate. my parents were ok with this. and alhumdulilah things worked out. i set my rules down from the get go with my roomate abt things like hijab/salah/boys/alcohol/etc.

but heres my advice, if ur parents arent ok with it. dont do it. i would have never done it if my parents werent ok with it. another thing, just because u are 18 doesnt mean anything. dont assume that just because ur a legal adult in america at 18, means ur a legal adult in Islam at 18.

im not trying to say ur still a baby, but i can definetly see that u still have alot of growing up to do if ur thinking abt moving out, ruining ur relationship with ur parents, and ur reputation. if u think u can talk ur roomate into being a nice person, dont think just because ur gonna set ground rules, itll be followed.

also, i dont really understand how it would be cheaper living on campus than at home??

apparenty ur parents are ok with u living on campus, they jsut want u to live with a nonmuslim, so how about just going ur first year or even first semester at home, and seeing how campus life is, get to know some of the muslim girls first, then apply next year or semester to live with one of them. u shud be able to choose ur roomate by ur second semester/year.

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by nooni

but heres my advice, if ur parents arent ok with it. dont do it. i would have never done it if my parents werent ok with it. another thing, just because u are 18 doesnt mean anything. dont assume that just because ur a legal adult in america at 18, means ur a legal adult in Islam at 18.

You're a legal adult in Islam long before 18. You still have responsibilities towards your parents though...

Original poster: Well, if your school's not far from home, then why dorm? Isn't it usually cheaper to stay at home?

You're saying things aren't bad at home, but you want freedom. Freedom to do the things your parents think you might do if you live alone?

Anyway, I don't think it's a bad thing to live alone or dorm, but usually dorms aren't the greatest places to live. If you still want to though, then try finding a Muslim roommate to appease your parents. And if you really can't, then try convincing your parents that a non-Muslim roommate isn't the worst thing ever. I don't really see the big deal about what religion the roommate is, but if it matters to them, then don't fight with them over it. You don't wanna move out and have them be angry with you.

How about no roomie if you can't find a Muslim one? Would that be better? Or even possible at your school?

And don't move out, if you're gonna cover the costs with student loans. That's just dumb.

[PhDGirl]

I don't think that living in a dorm or with a non-Muslim roommate is bad per se. But, if your parents are dead-set against it, you really ought to discuss things with them. You can always take Nooni's suggestion and live at home for the beginning and maybe you'll meet someone Muslim through the MSA or something and live with them later. If you bring her home to meet your parents, they'll probably feel more comfortable with it too. Good luck.

[MoonStar]

Nooni's advice is good, you'll get to know people for a year or so and your parents might feel more comfortable about it then.

As a full time student you could get a campus job. If you get an off-campus job you have to pay for gas/transportation/safely issues/getting to class on time issues/parking issues if you have a car.

Since you said it's cheaper for you to dorm (are you sure? I paid $200 a month for transportation to commute, but that's still much cheaper than several grand per semester to dorm), obviously it's not about money for your parents, they want you to be in a good environment, and in dorms you're stuck with all kinds of people, even if your roommate is nice the people next door might be loud troublemakers. Scope out the college for a semester or two and then you can see if dorming is for you. You can make friends and hear horror stories or positive experiences of people who dorm and know what to expect much better than you would right now.

[Macaca]

do not do it.
You're a girl, you should stay at home. I even suggest this to the brothers. Stay with your families. Don't fall for these western traps of seeking independence.
You'd make your parents pretty miserably leaving so early,too....

[nooni]

Originally Posted by Timbit

You're a legal adult in Islam long before 18. You still have responsibilities towards your parents though...

the concept of adult in islam and in america is different.

[Sapphire]

I'm moving out. I'm scared. Don't do it. Stay at home.

[Miryam]

Ok thanks for your thoughts everyone...I thought about this a little more, and I should wait. Ramadan is coming up and I would hate if my folks spent all ramadan fuming at me. That would make the for the worst eid ever.
I really agree with u nooni, I really should get to know the college and get to know ppl before I move out anyway.
Because who knows what itll really be like once I start going there?
Well orientation is today!!

Originally Posted by Timbit

Original poster: Well, if your school's not far from home, then why dorm? Isn't it usually cheaper to stay at home?

the school gave me a bigger grant to live on campus. the grant for commuting students is $8440 but the boarders get a $15,990 grant.
So all I would need to cover this year would be like $3400. And thats what stafford loans are for.

[ChotooMotoo]

There are some big advantages to living at home:

1) you don't have to cook
even if you buy a meal ticket, the cafeteria is not always open when you are hungry, and dinner time might coincide with classes or exams. Also, your choice of halal/vegetarian foods (if you are concerned about that) is exceptionally limited. It's also not the healthiest food. Living at home, you can have dinner with your family, and leftovers any time you like. You can also take the food with you to school the next day so you don't have to pay for lunch.

2) support group.
nobody can support you like your parents. You can come home, sit down for dinner and they ask "hi honey, how was your day" and you can tell them. Most roomates are not so understanding. They have their things, you have your things. They are just sharing a room with you becuase the University put you together. They don't really care how things were with you.

3) Laundry
you can do you laundry any time at home, and not have to worry about some strange person handling your underwear or stealing your clothes from a common laundry area. You can throw your shirt in the dryer for 10 minutes to de-wrinkle for free before heading to class. You don' thave to worry about your roomate using all your soap.

4) Privacy
Most dorms share bathrooms for several rooms. This makes it quite difficult to take a shower, use the bathroom, do your make-up without someone there. If you are sharing a bathroom, and the entrance is in your room, that means that at any time any hour of the day your neigbor will burst into your dorm room to use the bathroom. If you're saying prayers while they do this, that could be quite ackward. it means that your dorm bathroom isn't much different from a public restroom, but the public restroom is probably cleaner.
If you want to stay up until 2:00am to write a report, at home you can do that and not bother anyone. In your dorm room, you will be bothering your roomate (or they will bother you if it's their report.) What if your roomate has a boyfriend (or several) will they respect your privacy and not bring them in the room? I had a friend wwho told me about sharing a room and a 4 room common bathroom. On night the girls next door were doing some really aweful things, and she and a boy came into the room without knocking mostly naked asking for condoms. It's not really the best of environments.

----

of course, not all situations are that bad. Sometimes you get really good roomates. I would say that if you have to share a room, don't do it. Wait a semester and try and get a single room by yourself or make some friends and move into an apartment. You have the whole rest of your college career to think about where you live. The first semester is really hard anyway becuase it's soooo different from anything else you've experienced. I would say don't traumatize yourself unnecesarily. Stay at home at least this first semester, and then you will see what is best for you. In the meantime, living at home means less temptations to party, so you can get better grades than other people.

[Affa]

Studying from home is far better than living away from home. I think you would benefit more as well. Say you didn't like the college or the course you have taken up then all that aggro between you and your parents would have been for no reason. You shouldn't think about just getting up and leaving. It's not fair on your family. My neice is leaving for studies without her father's consent and it's a very sad situation. Her father is heartbroken that she wont take any of his opinions in consideration. All i can say is, you need your parents blessings in everything. I am glad you are having second thoughts about it. Good luck

[kamuzrana]

don't scoff at having a non-muslim roommate. it can be hard and it can REALLY suck. the same can be said of a Muslim roommate too - basically anyone you don't know before hand, and even if you DO know them before hand, they can suck.

I have plenty of bad roommate experiences. Part of it was that I converted halfway through college. But my non-Muslim roommates became extremely hostile towards my faith and my new Muslim friends. One of them even threatened to call the police on them.

Not to mention all the parties and members of the opposite sex. They started throwing parties and not inviting me (b/c they knew I didn't drink) but they wouldn't even tell me about it until the last minute. So I would go and stay about my Muslim friends' house. THe worst of it was they invited my brother to the parties, so he was there at my house but I had to get out.

Then there was the time they played strip poker and my muslim friend actually wanted to stay and play. Yeah.

I think you're right to wait it out and see what happens. And good luck in college