[Revert]

Asalaamu Alaikum

Whats popping Islamica Married peeps?

How do you all deal with the in laws? HOw do you deal with them when they flip out on your spouse for no reason?

My in laws often flip out not only on me but my wife for silly reasons, like today my father in law basically flippe dout on my wife and said if she spoke out of turn he would cut her throat..how's a brother supposed to deal with that?

I personally wanted to end him there and then but my good son in law side kicked in.

I'm asking as I don't really have too many "good" Muslim friends in real life.

Quote Ayats and Ahadith and personal advice insha'Allah make du'a for me and my wife.

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

I hope your move is happening soon, insha Allah.

How to deal with them? Act crazier than they are, then they get scared. Yep

I haven't found a way in which to act Islamically and not go crazy at the same time. I'll keep checking back into this thread. Distance doesn't seem to be a bad thing, though (and an incredible amount of patience, self sacrifice blah de blah)

[Revert]

Originally Posted by zzze

assalamu alaykum

I hope your move is happening soon, insha Allah.

How to deal with them? Act crazier than they are, then they get scared. Yep

I haven't found a way in which to act Islamically and not go crazy at the same time. I'll keep checking back into this thread. Distance doesn't seem to be a bad thing, though (and an incredible amount of patience, self sacrifice blah de blah)

Yeah it sucks because of our situation (we don't have a car hence can't get an apartment) but its not unusual for this to happen, its just never happened in front of me before.

Distance won't help much, we lived cross country and phone arguments were common. Patience is the greatest thing ever, however its hard to remain patient, dhikr is most definately my friend

Its funny because My in laws know almost nothing about me, if they did I think they would never speak to me.

Jazaks for the advice it was well appreciated.

[Laimuun]

I stayed out of the way when my in laws and husband got into arguments.. sometimes having to actually leave the room. it got very hard for me to keep my mouth shut, but I have a good relationship with my in laws and figure that jumping in the middle of a fight isn't the best way to keep good relations with them. my in laws never yelled at or picked on me, only my husband.

but I think your situation is worse, since it's your wife and her father. I really don't know what to tell you except to keep making dua and try to stay patient. hopefully someone will have better advice for you, sorry.

[Revert]

Originally Posted by Laimuun

I stayed out of the way when my in laws and husband got into arguments.. sometimes having to actually leave the room. it got very hard for me to keep my mouth shut, but I have a good relationship with my in laws and figure that jumping in the middle of a fight isn't the best way to keep good relations with them. my in laws never yelled at or picked on me, only my husband.

but I think your situation is worse, since it's your wife and her father. I really don't know what to tell you except to keep making dua and try to stay patient. hopefully someone will have better advice for you, sorry.

Yeah thats why i'm asking because its a Man vs a woman...that kind of makes it very different (at least to me).

I have a semi-civil relationship with my in-laws, until they flip out for no reason and take out on us. I am patient and have never spoken out nor reacted to their outbursts (alhamdulillah), but this recent one was too far for me..i decided to seek out advice from "good" Muslims


Jazaks for the thoughts and advice.

I am seeking advice from 'Ulema too, i find in these type of situations its good to seek advice from all types of people.

[Ilikemyscarf]

Originally Posted by Revert

My in laws often flip out not only on me but my wife for silly reasons, like today my father in law basically flippe dout on my wife and said if she spoke out of turn he would cut her throat..how's a brother supposed to deal with that?

What the ****?

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

In laws picking on ones spouse is a tricky thing. I tend to step in as the brother in laws are intimidated by me anyway...but once it got a little heated and the one of the brothers was on my husband's side so it was ok.

I really think in law relationships tend to work better when they're not under one anothers feet, or really laying down the law and then them just having to get used to it...sometimes people are too used to people giving them their own way and continue to play to get their own way. I think it's possible to be straight with them and be polite and patient at the same time insha Allah, but it's hard/impossible when you're not in a place where you call the shots.

I'm glad dhikr helps you, alhamdulilah. May Allah swt make it easy for you all and guide you to what's best, ameen.

[Revert]

Originally Posted by zzze

assalamu alaykum

In laws picking on ones spouse is a tricky thing. I tend to step in as the brother in laws are intimidated by me anyway...but once it got a little heated and the one of the brothers was on my husband's side so it was ok.

I really think in law relationships tend to work better when they're not under one anothers feet, or really laying down the law and then them just having to get used to it...sometimes people are too used to people giving them their own way and continue to play to get their own way. I think it's possible to be straight with them and be polite and patient at the same time insha Allah, but it's hard/impossible when you're not in a place where you call the shots.

I'm glad dhikr helps you, alhamdulilah. May Allah swt make it easy for you all and guide you to what's best, ameen.

Great post..I think your right, however its nothing new for my wife to disagree with them, in fact none of their kids listen to them..maybe thats the root of the problem..however i still think theres no excuse to speak to anyone especially family in the way i described.

I should just tell my Mum

[ShotgunMessiah]

Wow, and I thought I had it rough with mine.

That's really tough. On one hand you want to get her out of there and keep her away from that kind of hostile environment, but on the other... It's her parents.

I'd probably still do my best to keep her out of that environment. Call me what you will, but if you make that kind of threat to my wife, I no longer care who you are.

[Revert]

Originally Posted by ShotgunMessiah

Wow, and I thought I had it rough with mine.

That's really tough. On one hand you want to get her out of there and keep her away from that kind of hostile environment, but on the other... It's her parents.

I'd probably still do my best to keep her out of that environment. Call me what you will, but if you make that kind of threat to my wife, I no longer care who you are.

Thats basically my opinion bro, however I can't do anything about it either..


..i can't wait to move out insha'Allah..if all of you could make a du'a for that to happen then that would be appreciated.

[sally]

ive been hearing so many in laws horror stories lately..it's scary.. i hope i get good ones..inshaAllah


and bro, props to you for hanging in there. i dont know what the protocol would be on such a situation but i think it's a good idea to consult the ulema.

i hope things get better sincerely, inshaAllah

[Laimuun]

Originally Posted by Revert

..i can't wait to move out insha'Allah..if all of you could make a du'a for that to happen then that would be appreciated.

definitely will do. I know how that feels. my husband's relationship with his parents was MUCH improved after we moved out and everyone had their own space. there were still arguments, but they were less intense. from what I've seen, conflicts arise most often when both parties are head strong and have very different ways of doing things.

now we're staying with my parents for the time being and we can't wait to move out again, heh. alhamdulillah, no major conflicts with my parents, but they're just kinda crazy. seriously.

[nectar]

Did you talk to your wife about this, What's her opinion? She knows best if the way her father talked to her was just the way they talk and meant nothing, or does she expect you to stand up for her, etc. Just comfort her and let her know that you are here for her no matter what.

[Ilikemyscarf]

Originally Posted by sally

ive been hearing so many in laws horror stories lately..it's scary.. i hope i get good ones..inshaAllah


and bro, props to you for hanging in there. i dont know what the protocol would be on such a situation but i think it's a good idea to consult the ulema.

i hope things get better sincerely, inshaAllah

It is very scary. It turns me off from marriage.

[Spice]

Stay out of it revert, as crazy as your gheera may drive you, its probably best to just stay out of it. They're her family, and she's probably learnt how to handle them.
I say that because personally I wouldnt want my spouse to get disrespectful in anyway with my parents/family regardless of what they said/did to me, and things like that tend to escalate into dirty ordeals and words are thrown around without meaning. But those words can be pretty painful for an outsider (outsider to the family) even if the person didnt mean anything by it which just leads to hostility and hard feelings in the long run.

Or maybe you could sit them down when everything settles and tell them you (the both of you) wont stand for such. The key is to not get caught in the heat of the moment and maintain respect.

Its an extremely delicate matter where parents are concerned, use your best judgment from what you know of her and her family.

I think..