[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by infamousbrown

Call me selfish but I don't want to be penned in to my basement. I want to run wild and that entails my entire living space thanks.

That's what ends up happening. I don't live with my in-laws (obviously, they live thousands of miles away) but I do visit. I do have my own room, and my own bathroom. For the first day or two that I'm there, people observe personal space. They do things like knock on doors before entering and such. After a very short time, that all goes out the window, and you have to be REALLY CAREFUL about people spontaneosly entering your room at innapropriate times! It's not that they are trying to be mean or intrusive, it's just that it's their house, it has been their house since forever, and they do what they are used to doing, I.E. roaming about the house at their leisure. They just don't think that "Oh this is her space, I should get permision before I enter." That's just not how it works.

[IbnMardhiyah]

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

How common do you think it is, really? How many Canadian Muslims actually own their own homes with a MIL attachment? I'm interested to know. It would be interesting to see if your personal aquaintances who practices this kind of living arrangement reflect the wider population of Canadian Muslims. If it's anything like the US, a lot of people can't afford their own homes. I live in an appartment, and my upstairs neigbor is Pakistani. His mom lives with him and his wife in the same appartment. Another one of my friends lives all together with her parents, her husband kids etc. in one house, they don't have a seperate residence for the parents. MIL units are not common here, and are very expensive to add on to the house. I do live in the northern part of the USA, not all houses have basements. They are more common in newer houses, and in the midwest.

I'm beginning to seriously grow concerned at the pronounced lack of reading skills amongst the female population of Islamica.

Either that, or some women just like to carry on and on because they like to hear themselves talk.

Please go back to my post where I said the following:

Here in Canada all homes, i.e fully detached or semi-detached or townhomes, all have basements as per regulatory standards.

You'll notice that I restricted my post to be referring to houses, of various types, as described. Therefore I was not referring to apartments, nor was I referring to any houses that do not have basements because they're in warmer areas.

I said it even more clearly when I said that I do not advocate such living arrangements if the couple and in-laws are on the same floor - so again that pretty much rules out an apartment.

Here in Canada it is very common for newlywed desi couples to live in the fully [or partially] furnished basement of the guy's parents' house - particularly if the new couple can't afford their own place just yet. I know plenty of couples, rich and poor, who are either in this arrangement or started out that way before they moved off on their own.

As for experience, have you personally experienced it? Do you personally know how it feels to be a married woman living with your husbands family?

Being as it is that I'm not a woman, I can't say I've ever experienced it. But thanks for asking anyways.

[sumiyia]

Originally Posted by Jamroll

Alls I'm saying is, I think people are too quick to dismiss living with parents right off the bat. If they live together and give it a good shot, then hey, you can't win 'em all, and it'd be healthier for everyone concerned to have separate houses. But to say straight away, "omg, no there's no way I can live with your parents, thats just gonna cause so many problems, we need our own space, etc etc". how do they know? Have they tried it to see whether the real experience conforms to their fears which are at the moment just in their head? Didn't she live with her own parents? Were they such a nightmare to her, that the thought of any other parents fill her with dread? I mean, cmon what is going on here? Someone need some therapy? Huh?!?

i think the problem arises where she is expected to adjust to all the changes that marriage entails, along with the whole khandaan who is there all day everyday. as raatkirani has said, the initial newlywed period can be very difficult, especially on a girl, which is why she says (and i agree) that for the first year or two, the couple live independently and adjust to married life. living with the parents afterwards or, if not possible, then supporting them financially or in other ways, are still options.

[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

I'm beginning to seriously grow concerned at the pronounced lack of reading skills amongst the female population of Islamica.

I'm begining to wonder the same thing about you. Your assertion that it's common... I was asking how common is it among the wider Canadian Muslim population as a whole, not just those who live in town-homes, or newer detached houses. I was asking how common is it for the WHOLE population to practice it. If you don't know, just say so. The question for the wider population is important, because I'm sure that desi families who have MIL appartments aren't the only ones who want their kids to live with them. How does the rest of the population cope with it?

[Laimuun]

I love how all the single guys completely dismiss the opinions that MARRIED women have experienced living with in laws and the problems associated with it - namely, privacy.

[Jamroll]

Originally Posted by sumiyia

i think the problem arises where she is expected to adjust to all the changes that marriage entails, along with the whole khandaan who is there all day everyday. as raatkirani has said, the initial newlywed period can be very difficult, especially on a girl, which is why she says (and i agree) that for the first year or two, the couple live independently and adjust to married life. living with the parents afterwards or, if not possible, then supporting them financially or in other ways, are still options.

Isn't it hard on everyone? Everyone has to adjust. I don't know why the guy's parents are painted as these villain people, where the poor little bahu is going to get eaten up. There are scenarios where everyone gets along just fine. It just takes a little compromise.

[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by Laimuun

I love how all the single guys completely dismiss the opinions that MARRIED women have experienced living with in laws and the problems associated with it - namely, privacy.

OMG!!! I was there just about 3 days before my MIL walked in on me while I was getting dressed. Shey didn't knock or anything, just came right in! Just imagine if it had been my FIL???

[sally]

[sumiyia]

Originally Posted by Jamroll

Isn't it hard on everyone? Everyone has to adjust. I don't know why the guy's parents are painted as these villain people, where the poor little bahu is going to get eaten up. There are scenarios where everyone gets along just fine. It just takes a little compromise.

why make things harder when they don't need to be? haha... insha'allah everything works out for you bro... but please do post again once you're married, and you have your mom and your wife constantly bugging the crap out of you about really stupid things... you'll pull out the little hair you have left, and probably run into jinnz's arms crying...

[sumiyia]

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

OMG!!! I was there just about 3 days before my MIL walked in on me while I was getting dressed. Shey didn't knock or anything, just came right in! Just imagine if it had been my FIL???

awwwwwwwwwwwwkwardddd... SAME THING HAPPENED TO ME...

[Jamroll]

Originally Posted by sumiyia

why make things harder when they don't need to be? haha... insha'allah everything works out for you bro... but please do post again once you're married, and you have your mom and your wife constantly bugging the crap out of you about really stupid things... you'll pull out the little hair you have left, and probably run into jinnz's arms crying...

Are you kidding me? I don't live with my parents, they'd drive me crazy. I'm just saying, is all.

[sumiyia]

Originally Posted by Jamroll

Are you kidding me? I don't live with my parents, they'd drive me crazy. I'm just saying, is all.

hahaha... you're such a punk...

[sally]

(the popcorn i posted is free..much like the living space you share with your parents)

[Jamroll]

Originally Posted by sumiyia

hahaha... you're such a punk...

[zzze]

Assalamu alaykum

Originally Posted by Jamroll

Alls I'm saying is, I think people are too quick to dismiss living with parents right off the bat. If they live together and give it a good shot, then hey, you can't win 'em all, and it'd be healthier for everyone concerned to have separate houses. But to say straight away, "omg, no there's no way I can live with your parents, thats just gonna cause so many problems, we need our own space, etc etc". how do they know? Have they tried it to see whether the real experience conforms to their fears which are at the moment just in their head? Didn't she live with her own parents? Were they such a nightmare to her, that the thought of any other parents fill her with dread? I mean, cmon what is going on here? Someone need some therapy? Huh?!?

Well, I think we can agree to disagree. I don't see living with in laws has to be the automatic and first option. Islam specificially says a woman needs her own living quarters for a reason. How often do the houses in the UK cater for a family and a married couple? Rarely.

Why does one have to have fears in relation to living with in laws to not want to live with them? It's called CHOICE , preference?! Just because someone does not want to live under the same roof as their spouse's parents does not mean they hold anything against them. But yes...desi norms.

I agree with Chotoo - Desis rarely know