[SoSoHalalish]

I am so ticked off right now.

I wanted my life to go a certain way, like my other peers, I wanted a good college education, a nice experience, a job, etc etc

But instead, I came back to my home because my father said he was ill and wanted us close to him. Since I've been home - 2 years- I've been miserable. I've had to change everything that I wanted. Now I'm about to graduate and I WANT OUT. and what do I get? " you're not going anywhere more than 60 miles from me" ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

My father is doing very well alhumdulilah. I dislike this ridiculous idea that my life is going to be dictated by my parents. I'm 22 years old. They actually think that I'm going to stay here, next to them, TILL I DIE.

They refuse to accept the person I want to marry because he's not Pakistani and because hes not a FRIKKIN DOCTOR. ITS BEEN FOUR YEARS. I'm TIRED of waiting for approval. I'm TIRED of waiting to live my life as I want.

Didn't Allah give me a life so that I could live it? I've never wanted to stay here. I want to see other places. I want to marry who I want. I want to work as I want. I want to live where I want to. Why is this so difficult to understand?

HOOOOOW can I communicate to my parents? I'm really begining to understand why people end up just getting married without their parents.

This rant probably sounds selfish - but I've been selfless for a long time, and I don't want to anymore. I don't want to sacrifice what I could possibly have.

[wheelworks]

Buy a bicycle and go for a bike ride...

[zakk]

First of all, breathe.

You don't sound selfish, but you do realize that you are ranting, and it's only going to make you more upset.

First off, iA you are not going to die anytime soon, nor will you have to stay with your parents till you die. Also, it's very possible that your circumstance will change quickly. Sometimes it seems like a certain situation is going to last forever, but it very rarely does. I don't know what your family is like, but it might be that it's an emotionally charged time for all of you, and you're all feeling overwraught and being adamant about certain things. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you are dealing with people calmly, in an Islamic manner. That doesn't mean backing down, it just means being patient and letting your desires come to fruition in baby steps instead of making it a huge problem and possibly breaking down relations with your family. Also, make sure your prayers and everything else stays solid, because right now your relationship with Allah is the most stable thing you can rely on because He's not going to be playing games as long as you are cool.

I don't know if this is helping, and I might be coming from the completely wrong place on this. But realize that you are not bad or selfish, and that your parents' perception isn't the truth. And also, things do change, try not to make yourself crazy by thinking that this will never change. It can and will get better iA.

duas

[Nabisco007]

I second zakk's post. iA try to be patient. Make dua...

[wheelworks]

Originally Posted by Nabisco007

I second zakk's post. iA try to be patient. Make dua...

He's 22. 22 year olds and patience don't mix donchaknow

[SaidAbdullahofDarfur]

Don't always assume that that the ideas you grew up with or the ideas of your peers are the best way.

It never hurts to sit back, think and reflect.

[wheelworks]

Talk to Ibn M. He'll give you the best advice donchaknow

[Nabisco007]

Originally Posted by wheelworks

He's 22. 22 year olds and patience don't mix donchaknow

you mean she's 22. Yes it's hard at 22 to be patient. I just think taking any major step right now isn't a good idea.

[PhDGirl]

Awww, I'm sorry sis. I know you're ranting and just wanted to get it off your chest. Try praying more because that can help. Also, try not to let your anger get the best of you when you speak with your parents - otherwise it will reinforce their perception that you're a child (which you'll always be their child, but you can be the mature one). Best of luck.

[Ilikemyscarf]

Originally Posted by zakk

. Also, make sure your prayers and everything else stays solid, because right now your relationship with Allah is the most stable thing you can rely on because He's not going to be playing games as long as you are cool.

:

Best advice for any situation. Must spread rep.

[Vickie]

first.....im gonna give u a big hug...

believe me..i know how does it feel...

do whatever u want to do with ur life... this is ur life.
if u plan to go someplace...apply admission somewhere ...secretly... plan things...secretly.... then,like.....three days before go..tell them.. then just leave...

[SoSoHalalish]

Originally Posted by zakk

First of all, breathe.

You don't sound selfish, but you do realize that you are ranting, and it's only going to make you more upset.

First off, iA you are not going to die anytime soon, nor will you have to stay with your parents till you die. Also, it's very possible that your circumstance will change quickly. Sometimes it seems like a certain situation is going to last forever, but it very rarely does. I don't know what your family is like, but it might be that it's an emotionally charged time for all of you, and you're all feeling overwraught and being adamant about certain things. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you are dealing with people calmly, in an Islamic manner. That doesn't mean backing down, it just means being patient and letting your desires come to fruition in baby steps instead of making it a huge problem and possibly breaking down relations with your family. Also, make sure your prayers and everything else stays solid, because right now your relationship with Allah is the most stable thing you can rely on because He's not going to be playing games as long as you are cool.

I don't know if this is helping, and I might be coming from the completely wrong place on this. But realize that you are not bad or selfish, and that your parents' perception isn't the truth. And also, things do change, try not to make yourself crazy by thinking that this will never change. It can and will get better iA.

duas

Thanks.
I feel better today, even though I kinda felt annoyed again reading what I wrote. I know I have to be patient, and I know that inshallah, everything will work out for the better. Its just difficult. It could be worse though.

I think keeping my cool and not getting angry with my parents is the most difficult thing to do. I actually told them not to bring up any of these issues with me anymore, because I'm tired of trying to justify them to deaf ears. But it'll be ok inshallah.

Thanks for everyones replies.

[MossadConspiracy]

obey your parents, its the most important thing in life after worshiping God. dont ever betray them no matter how much you want to, it always comes back to haunt you. If you're a girl you might want to think about how living alone away from home without a husband will affect your reputation, and whether you care about that. Finally, you should calmly discuss your goals and problems with your parents and inshallah you'll be able to work something out with them. Taking an adversarial approach is a really bad way to approach these things.

iA everything works out

ws

[Aryan_]

Why don't you want to marry a Pakistani doctor?

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

Originally Posted by MossadConspiracy

obey your parents, its the most important thing in life after worshiping God. dont ever betray them no matter how much you want to, it always comes back to haunt you. If you're a girl you might want to think about how living alone away from home without a husband will affect your reputation, and whether you care about that. Finally, you should calmly discuss your goals and problems with your parents and inshallah you'll be able to work something out with them. Taking an adversarial approach is a really bad way to approach these things.

iA everything works out

ws

I don't think it's that simple.

I wouldn't worry about ''affecting your reputation''. You really wouldn't want to be married into a family who upheld such values, it's silly and you'd most likely feel imprisoned by them too.

Do istikhara, insha Allah, and try to bring up the non-pakistani guy more and try to reassure them. I don't know how best to tackle parents as i never really had try that hard alhamdulilah. If you really won't marry someone else...telling them that might kickstart the marriage process, it worked for one friend. I really don't know, though.

May Allah swt guide you to what's right, ameen.