[minab]

Originally Posted by Aryan_

Why don't you want to marry a Pakistani doctor?

i hope that was a joke

[MossadConspiracy]

Originally Posted by zzze

assalamu alaykum



I don't think it's that simple.

I wouldn't worry about ''affecting your reputation''. You really wouldn't want to be married into a family who upheld such values, it's silly and you'd most likely feel imprisoned by them too.

Do istikhara, insha Allah, and try to bring up the non-pakistani guy more and try to reassure them. I don't know how best to tackle parents as i never really had try that hard alhamdulilah. If you really won't marry someone else...telling them that might kickstart the marriage process, it worked for one friend. I really don't know, though.

May Allah swt guide you to what's right, ameen.

salam

i disagree, i do think its that simple

ws

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

well...I disagree, it isn't that simple.

NOW we're getting somewhere

I really think it depends on the parents. The majority want what's best for the child, and even though the child may disagree with the parents judgement it's usually obvious if the parents have good intentions. A small minority (IA) are very selfish and think of none but themselves- and a sheikh in one instance advised the child that it was preferable to keep a distance from x parent/s whilst remaining respectful.

I'm sure the OP's parents aren't like that. Allahu alim, everyone knows their situation best.

[MossadConspiracy]

Originally Posted by zzze

assalamu alaykum

well...I disagree, it isn't that simple.

NOW we're getting somewhere

I really think it depends on the parents. The majority want what's best for the child, and even though the child may disagree with the parents judgement it's usually obvious if the parents have good intentions. A small minority (IA) are very selfish and think of none but themselves- and a sheikh in one instance advised the child that it was preferable to keep a distance from x parent/s whilst remaining respectful.

I'm sure the OP's parents aren't like that. Allahu alim, everyone knows their situation best.

since her parents arent like that then she should obey them.

Even if they were like that, she should obey them unless they commanded her to disobey God

ws

[the_only_one]

salaams,
as all the islamican wiz have emphasized the importance of obeying parents should be the top priority on everyone's list. iA. i know of few so called rebellious sisters who were in your situations few years ago, and they remained patient with their parents. al hamdoulilah at last their parents agreed to fulfill their rightful wishes. the outcome was not dependent on how stubborn the girls were in achieving their goals, rather such fruitful rewards were seeds of their patience, obedience and complete submissiveness to Allah subha wa tallah they sowed . even though, they knew they made the right decision, they waited for ALLAH to dictate the right time for them.

wish you all best. iA. stay strong. and remember lowe concurs all. (corny but true...most of the times. )

[PhDGirl]

I think one thing to consider when thinking about the role of your parents in the marriage process is that you are the person who is going to have to live with the person - not them! There are also some things that might differ dramatically between parents and children (joint family system versus living on your own, whether or not a girl will work etc) so you really ought to think carefully about things. On the other hand, parents have been married and might think of things that are important that you haven't so it's important to consider what they have to say. Parents will often turn around when they see that you've thought things through and are serious. We should be satisfied with our spouses and we have the right not to marry someone we don't want to, so we don't have to have blind obedience. But, in any case, I hope that things work out whatever way is best for you

[Jamroll]

Unless your parents are telling you to do something against Islam, you should do what they say.

[Bruinrab]

Or you could nitpick about every guy they show you. Refuse everyone until you're 25 and they are so desperate that they'll accept even a non-Pakistani, non-doctor.

It could work.

[SoSoHalalish]

Originally Posted by Jamroll

Unless your parents are telling you to do something against Islam, you should do what they say.

Really?

So I guess having my own mind is a pretty worthless asset.

Excuse me while I go turn into a mindless zombie and become a medical school going, punjabi doctor marrying, and whatever the heck else my parents "Are telling me". How could I ever have thought it was appropriate to want to study something other than my parents told me....

Do YOU do everything your parents tell you to - as long as its not against islam? I doubt it.

[SoSoHalalish]

Originally Posted by MossadConspiracy

since her parents arent like that then she should obey them.

Even if they were like that, she should obey them unless they commanded her to disobey God

ws

How do you know my parents aren't like that? Sorry - but I've seen enough parents know who cut their children off because they choose to marry someone who isn't from the same caste as them- and its pretty obvious that its all about their pride getting hurt, not about the welfare of the child.

And as for my reputation becoming ruined for living on my own- only small, dirty minds think like that, and I dont have room for people like that. My parents LET me go to school away from home because they trusted me. I came back because of my fathers health at the time, not for any other reason. Coming back has been a step backward for me- even though the reason to come back was obviously an important one. But I no longer have to be here.

And again, its not like this is a new argument. I have explained to them, calmly, and politely. Repeatedly. Almost everyday. 4 years is a long time to be arguing a point. My parents actually don't have any evidence, their argument is based on fear and ignorance. Fear of the unknown and fear of what other people will say about them. (By the way, I'm talking about two issues here, going to law school where ever and marrying the person i want to, whom they dont want me to marry because he's not Paki doctor).

They're wrong, and they know they're wrong. But their point is that I should let my life be dictated by them, whatever that may be. And I won't. My mother actually said that I ought to sacrifice my life for their happiness I dont think my parents are out to get me, but I know they're wrong, and I'm not going to have my life forced into a direction which I dont want- because of an argument that is based on nothing.

[PhDGirl]

Good luck to you. I don't know what your community is like, but have you tried talking to the Islamic chaplain at your school (if there is one) or imam?

[Aryan_]

Originally Posted by SoSoHalalish

Really?

So I guess having my own mind is a pretty worthless asset.

Excuse me while I go turn into a mindless zombie and become a medical school going, punjabi doctor marrying, and whatever the heck else my parents "Are telling me". How could I ever have thought it was appropriate to want to study something other than my parents told me....

Do YOU do everything your parents tell you to - as long as its not against islam? I doubt it.

I thought you said you were Kashmiri.

What's the race of the person you want to marry? I don't know much about your situation but that won't stop me from taking your parents side.

[SoSoHalalish]

Originally Posted by Aryan_

I thought you said you were Kashmiri.

What's the race of the person you want to marry? I don't know much about your situation but that won't stop me from taking your parents side.

Yeah, we're "kashmiri", but we're Punjabi, you know. like- we're not actual punjabis, but we speak punjabi, and everything about us is punjabi... but we're kashmiri... i think i said that before, like, punjabi washed kashmiris... I believe that thats not that strange, theres a lot of kashmiri people who moved to punjab and adopted the language and culture. but I don't really care about that, its all pretty ridiculous.

And it Doesn't matter what his ethnicity is, what matters is that he's a good Muslim, he's kind, and he works hard in everything he does.

[Abu_Hind]

Assalamu alaikum,

Trust me you are not alone in going through 'hard times'. I've been going through a rough patch with my family, studies, deen etc...for a while and I hate to admit it I complain(ed) a lot and still do. But, wallahi I'll tell you complaining, whining and being despondent never helps. It can become a way of doubting Allah's qada and qadr. Make du'a lots of it, get closer to Allah, and look at the brighter side; it isn't worst than it is, right? So be happy about that.



I haven't read through the whole thread so forgive me if you have already been offered this advice.

[Glasgow]

What's the average age of desi girls in their twenties being married off these days?