[Revert]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

How long have they been at the habit?
How many times have others tried to help them out of it?
What's been the biggest loss [quantifiable or not] that you know they've had?
How many others in their immediate social circle / close contacts also gamble?

How long have they been at the habit? AS long as my wife can remember
How many times have others tried to help them out of it? No-one as I can recall
What's been the biggest loss [quantifiable or not] that you know they've had? Several thousand but thats almost each and every time they go out to the A.C
How many others in their immediate social circle / close contacts also gamble? NO one I know of (they don't socialise with ANYONE

[IbnMardhiyah]

Work with your wife to figure out an effective disincentive, so that everytime they gamble - regardless of whether they win or lose - there's a major penalty to pay, and it has to be something you can leverage to actual effect, whether immediate or gradual.

Give them an alternative, too.

For example, if they're interested in making money, tell them to go into business, if they have access to large capital. And if its their own money but smaller amounts, then they can go engage in arbitrage / day trading. Then, their money is doinga ctual work, AND they know in advance whether or not they're likely to turn a profit, because they've done their due diligence [homework / research] and taken out the problem of unknown chance [i.e. gambling].

If you provide an alternative, make sure you back it up with a social circle that will either passively or actively keep them away from the places of theor previous problem.

[Revert]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

Work with your wife to figure out an effective disincentive, so that everytime they gamble - regardless of whether they win or lose - there's a major penalty to pay, and it has to be something you can leverage to actual effect, whether immediate or gradual.

Give them an alternative, too.

For example, if they're interested in making money, tell them to go into business, if they have access to large capital. And if its their own money but smaller amounts, then they can go engage in arbitrage / day trading. Then, their money is doinga ctual work, AND they know in advance whether or not they're likely to turn a profit, because they've done their due diligence [homework / research] and taken out the problem of unknown chance [i.e. gambling].

If you provide an alternative, make sure you back it up with a social circle that will either passively or actively keep them away from the places of theor previous problem.

Thats great advice bro and I would honestly suggest that to them If I thought they would listen.

We are dealing with people who have no more than a 8th Grade education, they are incredibly stubborn, also if you are young, you are stupid.

I think trying to find the root of the problem and then suggesting alternatives is a good start, i really neeeded someone other then my wife who is a practicing Muslim to give me some genuine advice.

JazakAllah Khair for the advice bro...i'll get on MSN one of these days and shoot the breeze!

[IbnMardhiyah]

Originally Posted by Revert

Thats great advice bro and I would honestly suggest that to them If I thought they would listen.

Bro, not to be flippant - but you surely must've thought they were going to listen [to something] otherwise you wouldn't be asking people about this issue, yea? You can't give up on your relative and presume they won't listen - just keep plugging away at it because in the end its only Allaah who turns the hearts of people - not you or I.

[Revert]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

Bro, not to be flippant - but you surely must've thought they were going to listen [to something] otherwise you wouldn't be asking people about this issue, yea? You can't give up on your relative and presume they won't listen - just keep plugging away at it because in the end its only Allaah who turns the hearts of people - not you or I.

You weren't being flippant...i don't want to insult these people but the stuff you suggested may be too much info for them to process...like i said they are un-educated(not by their own doing) and its hard to explain certain things to them...I love them fiasabilillah and don't want to see them go lower then they are now.

I'm goign through a tough time worrying about them and worrying about the what ifs (losing everything etc)

Pray Allah saves them from the fire by instilling Al-Islam in their hearts inshaAllah...

[IbnMardhiyah]

Oh okay, np.

There are lots of alternatives for sure, plenty that I can't think of right now. Although you can suggest some things to them and see if it piques their interest enough to get them committed to going down that alternative road.

[Macaca]

Originally Posted by Revert

YOu obviously don't know Yugoslavians...very stubborn lol


They don't think they have a problem nor that its even Haraam to gamble..

I'll look into that hotline thing though..maybe they can give us advice inshaAllah.

Well, first of all, don't call them Yugoslavians. I'm from that area, too but I am not a Yugosalvian. That's like calling an Arab from Palestine an Israeli.

[Daleko]

Originally Posted by Revert

YOu obviously don't know Yugoslavians...very stubborn lol


They don't think they have a problem nor that its even Haraam to gamble..

I'll look into that hotline thing though..maybe they can give us advice inshaAllah.

Hey brother, I am also from there, but a Bosniak and I don't think I am stubborn. But a lot of them I think live haram lifes.

[Revert]

Originally Posted by Macaca

Well, first of all, don't call them Yugoslavians. I'm from that area, too but I am not a Yugosalvian. That's like calling an Arab from Palestine an Israeli.

That what they identify themselves as so who am I to argue?

Originally Posted by Daleko

Hey brother, I am also from there, but a Bosniak and I don't think I am stubborn. But a lot of them I think live haram lifes.

Most Yugoslavians I have met are stubborn..

[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by Revert

Serious topic needs sincere advice.

How do you deal with family members that constantly do the Haraam?

Articles and general advice needed.

The live Islam through your actions doesn't work in this instance so what do you do?

yeah, it's hard becuase my sis calls me all the time and tells me about her boyfriends and stuff. Sure I'm Muslim and that's haram for me, but she was raised such that it would be haram for her too.

I just try and give her sound non-religious advice. I tell her things like, she needs to be sure she uses protection, some guys are sure to be using her so she should wait to be intimate rather than do things on the first date. I remind her that there is a strong history of alcoholism in the family, so she really shouldn't drink, or at least moderate her drinking significantly.

It's hard, becuase if I put it the wrong way, she'll think I'm just preaching to her, or telling her what to do, and then she won't listen to me anymore.

[Revert]

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

yeah, it's hard becuase my sis calls me all the time and tells me about her boyfriends and stuff. Sure I'm Muslim and that's haram for me, but she was raised such that it would be haram for her too.

I just try and give her sound non-religious advice. I tell her things like, she needs to be sure she uses protection, some guys are sure to be using her so she should wait to be intimate rather than do things on the first date. I remind her that there is a strong history of alcoholism in the family, so she really shouldn't drink, or at least moderate her drinking significantly.

It's hard, becuase if I put it the wrong way, she'll think I'm just preaching to her, or telling her what to do, and then she won't listen to me anymore.

Seems like you know what i'm going through...

I pray your sister stops her behaviour and finds the haqq inshaAllah.