[sally]

Also, if your parents are nice, and most of our parents are I'm sure, they would feel embarassed to admit that they really wouldn't be up for the challenge of handling your baby/toddler on a daily basis.. or they might agree to do it but may feel it's not working out too well and feel bad about saying anything to you about it.. so to avoid awkwardness and to keep anyone from being too uncomfortable, I would personally just give up the idea altogether

[sally]

Originally Posted by zakk

honestly, unless there are some health concerns, a newborn doesn't require that much attention. A toddler, now, is an entirely different story.

Hmm, you would know.. you have kids.. But I'm curious, how does a newborn not require much attention? If you're leaving your child with your parents for 8 to 12 hours, they're pretty much having to put the child to sleep every hour or two hours, feed he or she every 2 hours, change diapers, possibly give the child a bath.. I would think that's a lot for older parents to handle, but Allahu Aleem, you'd know better

[zakk]

mmm. Babies don't feed every 2 hours except when they're absolutely new. And bottle-feeding doesn't take that long. Diapers are not hard.... at all. Especially for someone who has done it before. Babies during the daytime aren't that difficult, especially if you're already at home. They kind of fit into the routine. It's only when they have issues like colic that they can be a problem.

When you're the only caregiver, you have to deal with a baby in the daytime working with the lack of sleep that comes from baby in the nighttime. So it can seem harder. Also, having seen what a toddler is like, it's definitely not hard to say that baies are easier.

A lot of first timers fall into the trap of over-responding to the baby, which can lead to anxiety on the part of the parent.

Anyway, my mom is pushing 70, and when I had Haneef I was completely bedridden for about a week. She completely took care of Haneef, even in the nighttime. It was harder with Madiha because she had to chase her down and then argue with her about things too. I wouldn't want my mom regularly taking care of a newborn, because, yeah, she is actually elderly and she's broken her hip since and has mobility issues, but a younger woman (such as my mother-in-law) can be quite capable of taking care of a baby or a toddler. Why I wouldn't want my own mother-in-law taking care of a newborn is a completely different issue and has more to do with things that medically should not be done but are traditionally done and different comfort zones about certain issues, but not about capability.

[zakk]

That being said, it is totally acceptable for a parent to absolutley refuse to take care of their children's children, unless of course the care-taking is absolutely necessary due to health issues or something.

[sally]

That makes sense.. I guess we all know our parents well enough to be able to tell if they could handle the responsibility or whether they'd want to or what.

But I would always assume that an older person (late 50s/early 60s) would just not want to be bothered with taking care of a newborn on a daily basis, especially because the last time they did it was probably like decades ago.. mostly it's a patience issue. Personality type definitely is a big indicator in this sort of thing.

[zakk]

Yeah, it's definitely about personality. I don't think my mom has the personality to do it on a regular basis either. But I know some older women who do.

Incidentally, my sister, the one with 7 kids, also has found herself on grandma duty while my niece goes to college.... although I think that currently the other grandma is doing it as she now actually lives with my niece.

[Timbit]

Yeah, toddlers are hard to manage.

My mom's the kind of person who'd be pretty straightforward about saying no to taking care of any kids on a regular basis. That's one thing I love about her... she always says what she's thinking. My dad would be more willing to take on kids, I think... he loves them.

But as it is, my parents both plan to retire in Pakistan anyway.
They're thinking of doing the six months there, six months here thing.

[nooni]

Originally Posted by Jamroll

Also, who're you gonna trust more - your mum or Mrs Chu?

[shadha]

Oki. So I came up with a brilliant idea, so I think so far, which is sending my baby to the day care at the college [they accept as young as 6 weeks] I'll be attending. That way I'm close to the child, I know it's a professional atmosphere, I can pop in at any given time...I feel this is a better and safer alternative to sending my child to some random daycare.

Has anyone done this before or know anyone who has?


shadha-

[MossadConspiracy]

no daycare, my wife will stay home and be a housewife till the kid or kids are old enough to go to pre-school or kindergarten then take up some career that allows her to devote lots of time to the kids, such as teaching or private enterprise from home or something with flexible scheduling... obviously i dont intend to crush some girl's dreams so it all has to be clear from the beginning. But its not so bad, having 2 kids and raising them at home till theyre 5 should only take 7 years max. other relatives from my family can probably help out, maybe hers too

[Good_ol_JR]

Seriously why all the hatred towards daycare, it's the best place for children to learn how to be independent and survive in the jungle that is the real world. Child research shows that kids who go to daycare have more friends and a more active social life in elementary school and middle schools. And those are the type of future Muslims we need in Western Countries.

We can't afford to have a bunch of isolated loners who only keep to themselves representing the next generation of Muslims.

Lot of people have this BS notion that a parent who puts their child in daycare doesn't love them as much. But IMO that's totally retarded a loving parent would not shelter their child from the real world. It does not matter how much you look after your child, you are not going to be able to teach them how to properly interact on their own, unless you let them do just that.

I'm just speaking from personal experience cuz I was in daycare since age 3. That's not to say all daycares are great, but you have to actually meet w/ the people there. Are you seriously going to disregard the entire institution based on one bad experience?

[shadha]

GoodolJR-- I worked at a daycare and been in several day cares [so what I spied on other day cares], with that said, I wouldn't put my child in day care [outside of the one I mentioned in my previous post because I believe that is different].

The amount of snip that goes on, and is allowed to go on, in day care is mind-blowing. The parents walk in, see it, and unfortunately many of them don't care enough and continue sending their child to the day care. Sorry, but to me that is a parent who simply does not care about their child. The state chooses to remain ignorant of just how much goes down. It's the law for the state to give the day care a 24hr notice before conducting an inspection- what type of is that?

I'm sorry. Day care is a hot mess and unfortunately everything gets swept under the carpet unless something major [death] occurs. And that, is very sad. One has this idea that they could be the one to change the situation of day cares for the sake of the children-- but that idea remained just that, an idea, and it took me awhile to realize this. It really is heartbreaking.


shadha-

[Good_ol_JR]

Originally Posted by shadha

GoodolJR-- I worked at a daycare and been in several day cares [so what I spied on other day cares], with that said, I wouldn't put my child in day care [outside of the one I mentioned in my previous post because I believe that is different].

The amount of snip that goes on, and is allowed to go on, in day care is mind-blowing. The parents walk in, see it, and unfortunately many of them don't care enough and continue sending their child to the day care. Sorry, but to me that is a parent who simply does not care about their child. The state chooses to remain ignorant of just how much goes down. It's the law for the state to give the day care a 24hr notice before conducting an inspection- what type of is that?

I'm sorry. Day care is a hot mess and unfortunately everything gets swept under the carpet unless something major [death] occurs. And that, is very sad. One has this idea that they could be the one to change the situation of day cares for the sake of the children-- but that idea remained just that, an idea, and it took me awhile to realize this. It really is heartbreaking.


shadha-

The above makes it sound like all daycares are exactly the same; but there are a variety of them. I was speaking more specifially about the YMCA type daycare that I worked at. Basically from 9-5 a group of 4-5 counselors just ran a sports camp with the kids, played various games and occasionally did arts and crafts. I don't know what type of government regulated daycares you're referring to you, because we never had any type of an inspection of any sort.

Also isnt it mandatory to give notice for inspection, you can't just show up randomly and ask to inspect the place

I

[shadha]

GoodOlJr: The above makes it sound like all daycares are exactly the same; but there are a variety of them. I was speaking more specifially about the YMCA type daycare that I worked at. Basically from 9-5 a group of 4-5 counselors just ran a sports camp with the kids, played various games and occasionally did arts and crafts. I don't know what type of government regulated daycares you're referring to you, because we never had any type of an inspection of any sort.

I'm talking about on the side of the road day cares.

GoodolJr: Also isnt it mandatory to give notice for inspection, you can't just show up randomly and ask to inspect the place

And I think that is bull errr I think that is asinine, because if they have children in that building, then why shouldn't the state be allowed to inspect it as is? Giving that 24hr notice, Wallahi, so much can be temporarily altered in that 24hrs its SICKENING. The inspector comes in and is all impressed by the cleanliness and the ample staff...when in reality, the ratio is normally 2 teachers per 47 kids and the place is everything but sanitary.


shadha-

[RestlessSoul]

Originally Posted by Good_ol_JR

Seriously why all the hatred towards daycare, it's the best place for children to learn how to be independent and survive in the jungle that is the real world. Child research shows that kids who go to daycare have more friends and a more active social life in elementary school and middle schools. And those are the type of future Muslims we need in Western Countries.

We can't afford to have a bunch of isolated loners who only keep to themselves representing the next generation of Muslims.

Lot of people have this BS notion that a parent who puts their child in daycare doesn't love them as much. But IMO that's totally retarded a loving parent would not shelter their child from the real world. It does not matter how much you look after your child, you are not going to be able to teach them how to properly interact on their own, unless you let them do just that.

while it may indeed be sheltering kids to keep them out of daycare and interacting with other parents' kids, I see that as a positive. kids have their whole lives to learn how to interact with society in a meaningful way and they'll get that as soon as they hit preschool/kindergarden.

what they'll never have again though are those early years where they are developing the love and values of their parents. before I set them loose upon the world, I'd like to make sure they are prepared to deal with it in a manner that we as parents would like them to.

daycare is a risk. some kids turn out fine (as you can attest to). however, not all the kids in that environment are going to be angels. undoubtedly, even the good kids will pick up bad habits/values from these less well-parented kids. at such early ages, I wouldn't want my kids to be confused about what's right and what's wrong, islamically and morally.

rather than taking the risk, in those early years i'd rather surround my child with loving immediate and extended family members. that's the environment my cousins and I have been raised under, and none of us are loners.

(now being a loser for spending time on islamica.......that's an entirely different matter )