[shadha]

AsSalamu' Alaykum,

Discuss your views, readings and/or experiences with corporal punishment for children.

Beating/spanking children is something I have a hard time agreeing with. Lately, I have even grown against the idea of yelling at children. Both beating/spanking and yelling at your child is counter-productive, hypocritical, and confusing for the child. It gives the message that the child is not allowed to hit or yell when angry but when a big person/adult is angry they are allowed to. It doesn't practice what is preached and I think it's unfair towards the child.

Now, that's not to say that I would never yell at my child, things happen, but I would like to make a sincere effort and habit not to. With beating and spanking- I don't think I could ever, if anything, the worst from me would probably be my two fingered slap.

It is definitely something that I discussed prior to marriage and so far Alhumdulilah the compromise is somewhat bearable. I am hoping to alter his outlook a bit further down the road by providing reading material and pointing out examples with others children/parenting ways.


shadha-

PS: And do feel free to share any true hilarious childhood ass beating stories you may have.

[Timbit]

Yeah, I agree.

'Cept I'm all for beating if the kid does something really wrong. Some kids just don't get it when you're nice to them. They take advantage of it.

Not like 4-year-olds... but 11/12/13-year-olds.

[shadha]

Timbit: 'Cept I'm all for beating if the kid does something really wrong. Some kids just don't get it when you're nice to them. They take advantage of it.

I thought that too but then I'm like-- there must be a positive alternative to beating/spanking if your child does something really wrong.


shadha-

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by shadha

Timbit: 'Cept I'm all for beating if the kid does something really wrong. Some kids just don't get it when you're nice to them. They take advantage of it.

I thought that too but then I'm like-- there must be a positive alternative to beating/spanking if your child does something really wrong.


shadha-

Maybe.
But in my experience, the beating works. Especially if it's only reserved for the really bad things. Then they know they've done something bad.

[Revert]

I got slapped when I was naughty as a kid, i never did what i got slapped for again.

[vegetables]

I wouldn't hit the face.. a very harsh tone does the trick. Then again it depends on the person. My dad just used a really harsh tone but never hit me. One reason why it worked because he would rarely get angry about anything else and then show his dark side when I did something dumb lol.
Or you could just treat your kids like cats, spray em with a water spritzer if they do something wrong

[Deel]

to an extent, i agree with the OP.
i just haven't fully figured out what i'll do if not spanking/beating.
Timbit, Shadha,
then what will you do to your children as punishment when they've misbehaved?

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by Deel

Timbit, Shadha,
then what will you do to your children as punishment when they've misbehaved?

For little kids: time-outs till they calm down. Then talk to them afterwards. I do that with my little brother.

For big kids: God, I dunno. I don't have any of those.
Taking away some of their privileges, I guess. Then talking to them too.

Hitting would be for if they do something really bad. Like stealing or something.

[IbnMardhiyah]

I'm against spanking as well. Prophet Muhammad [saws] never beat his kids, so if he can do it, anyone can.

To start off with, you should teach your kids from the get go about what it means to obey their parents and elders, yet at the same time don't be overbearing or harsh with them - because that only builds continual resentment and eventually they won't give a jack about listening to their parents / elders anymore.

In extreme, rare cases if they do something really really bad and immodest, and you know that such behavior was not learned from your any other family members, but maybe from peers or TV, then yeah, a slap might indicate to them how extremely wrong it was, all the more so if you never ever raise your hand against them. And even then, don't hit the face.

Just have the skillz and strong rapport or connection with your kids and they'll behave.
Its a balancing act ... you ca't be too detached and authoritarial over them, nor should you be so extremely lax and easygoing that they lose respect for you.

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

I'm against spanking as well. Prophet Muhammad [saws] never beat his kids, so if he can do it, anyone can.

To start off with, you should teach your kids from the get go about what it means to obey their parents and elders, yet at the same time don't be overbearing or harsh with them - because that only builds continual resentment and eventually they won't give a jack about listening to their parents / elders anymore.

In extreme, rare cases if they do something really really bad and immodest, and you know that such behavior was not learned from your any other family members, but maybe from peers or TV, then yeah, a slap might indicate to them how extremely wrong it was, all the more so if you never ever raise your hand against them. And even then, don't hit the face.

Just have the skillz and strong rapport or connection with your kids and they'll behave.
Its a balancing act ... you ca't be too detached and authoritarial over them, nor should you be so extremely lax and easygoing that they lose respect for you.

Why do I find myself agreeing with you more and more these days?

[Wolfn]

I'm against spanking as well. Not sure about you, but I wouldn't want to cause my children pain and see them cry.

However, what are some other good ways of disciplining children? I'm guessing taking away privledges (did I spell that right? It looks wrong to me) is a good one. You can't send kids to their room because of all the cool things that are in a bedroom these days. With things like X-box and what-not, if you tell your child to go to his room, he'll be like "awesome!" and then it's not punishment at all.

[Variable]

I got paddled a couple of times when I was a kid... I think it just ***sed me off even more.

But nowadays, I wouldn't need to spank kids, they tremble at the mere sight of me

And they know if they get on my bad side, they'll be on defaulters.

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by Wolfn

I'm against spanking as well. Not sure about you, but I wouldn't want to cause my children pain and see them cry.

However, what are some other good ways of disciplining children? I'm guessing taking away privledges (did I spell that right? It looks wrong to me) is a good one. You can't send kids to their room because of all the cool things that are in a bedroom these days. With things like X-box and what-not, if you tell your child to go to his room, he'll be like "awesome!" and then it's not punishment at all.

Why give your kid these things in their room?

My 22-year-old big brother bought a TV home for his room and my dad made him return it. Well, last year... I guess he was like 21 then.

We have one TV in our house.

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

From like 2-4 I think spanking is okay in certain instances, like (lightly) hitting them on the hand/legs if they persist in doing mischief (playing with the stove or something equally dangerous).

Once they have the ability to rationalize I think you should be able to communicate your disapproval in other ways. Oh and definitely always explain to them why something is unacceptable.
Kids are inquisitive by nature, and they're more inclined to listen if they know why they're being told to do/avoid something.

[IbnMardhiyah]

Originally Posted by Timbit

Why do I find myself agreeing with you more and more these days?

Judgment Day is getting closer, after all.