Living with your husbands parents

[Tairra]

Theres this brother that Im interested, that sounds perfect, but he wants his wife to live with him and his parents. They are not elderly, they can take care of themselves at this time. I feel that I wouldn't have much privacy with my husband. And sharing at this early time in a marriage doesnt seem fair, when theres no need for it. I think thats wonderful that he wants to take care of his parents, but Im not sure I can handle living with someones family. Am I wrong for feeling the way I do? Is theres some hadeeth about this type of situation, or some blessing that you will get for living with you parents during your marriage?

I started to think about it, and I do not know of any Imams who live with their parents, so I dont think theres any extra blessings you would get for doing so, right? I feel that we would be perfect for each other, but I just dont know about the whole living arrangements. Ah what would you guys do?

[sumi]

http://www.islamicaweb.com/forums/lo...-marriage.html

[Summers]

sumiyia said

http://www.islamicaweb.com/forums/lo...-marriage.html

I just read through that whole thread again. Oh god.

[Tairra]

sumiyia said

http://www.islamicaweb.com/forums/lo...-marriage.html

thanks for the link thread, so from the little that I've read, its just cultural?

[wheelworks]

Spice said

I just read through that whole thread again. Oh god.

Sucka!

[amina9183]

you really wont have any privacy, and it always sounds like it wont be "that" bad, but it kind of sucks. this is a weird thing to say, but you seriously cant even fight when you want to. and that is SO annoying. it feels like your relationship is stunted..you can not mature as a normal couple would. there are things couples do day to day that bring them together(things you dont even thnk about, like doing groceries) and you miss out on that if youre living with inlaws. Of course, on the other hand there are lots of benefits. The biggest one if financially you dont have to worry as much, because more than likely the bills wouldnt fall on your shoulders. In that sense you can get some savings together. Also, if you chose to have a baby, it would be of benefit to have grandparents around. There are pros and cons to every situation. But in my opinion, more love and respect is maintained when living apart. Think about it, even dishes bang against eachother when placed together. Also, islamically, if you wish to live separately its wajib on your husband to provide you with a separate place. I think girls make one mistake: if they like a guy, they are willing to compromise on very important things just so they can marry him. Thats actually not something you should compromise on, esp given the fact that your own place is something allah has given you a right to(and there is hikma in everything in this deen). I am yet to hear any maulana advise towards combined fam system. Of course, thats not to say the guuy shouldnt take care of his parents. He can visit them every day..you can visit them...be kind to them. But you shouldnt live with them, and if thats not something he is willing to give you, then you should reconsider marrying him.

[shsh]

personally, I wouldn't mind living with my husbands parents. you respect them, they'll be nice to you. as for privacy, you will have your own room, won't you? I mean it depends on the layout of the guys house, I guess. but if you would want some alone time with your hubby, then you could go for a long drive or go out to eat or something.

I guess it also depends on the parents, though...

[PhDGirl]

Barring illness or some other similar circumstance, that would be a deal-breaker for me. I will say that living arrangements are a big item, so you really ought to think this through. Good luck, whatever you decide

[infamousbrown]

can this be merged? will noobs ever learn how to search? will i eat tuna or salmon for lunch?

[heba]

shsh said

personally, I wouldn't mind living with my husbands parents. you respect them, they'll be nice to you. as for privacy, you will have your own room, won't you? I mean it depends on the layout of the guys house, I guess. but if you would want some alone time with your hubby, then you could go for a long drive or go out to eat or something.

I guess it also depends on the parents, though...

you cant really do all the "private stuff" you wanna do on a long drive/walk

[sally]

i dont really know if i could do this going right into a marriage and its kind of a scary prospect

[Asvi]

It really depends on what kinda in-laws you get. if your m-i-l isnt nosy and isn't up in your business at all..than it wouldnt be soo bad.
But its a lil tough in the beginning to live w/the in-laws cuz its hard enough for you to get use to you hubby and understand him. i remember i use to just hang out in my room..cuz it was weird for me to hang out w/others..especially since i wasnt enaged to my hubby for a long time.

all i gotta say is ..i love living alone now..i can do ANYthing i want and anytime i want.

[Tairra]

heba said

you cant really do all the "private stuff" you wanna do on a long drive/walk

Thats what Im trying to say, like what if I wanna surprise my husband (imagination time), I really cant. So I've made up my mind guys, thanks for the help! Not going to compromise my privacy for parents/ family. ESPECIALLY when its his duty to provide me with a place of my own. So anywho thanks, this thread can be trashed now if you want.

[Tairra]

Asvi said

It really depends on what kinda in-laws you get. if your m-i-l isnt nosy and isn't up in your business at all..than it wouldnt be soo bad.
But its a lil tough in the beginning to live w/the in-laws cuz its hard enough for you to get use to you hubby and understand him. i remember i use to just hang out in my room..cuz it was weird for me to hang out w/others..especially since i wasnt enaged to my hubby for a long time.

all i gotta say is ..i love living alone now..i can do ANYthing i want and anytime i want.

like walk around house in non-modest way, FREE AS A BIRD .

[Timbit]

I grew up surrounded by a big extended family (if they weren't living with us, they were still around as in living very close to us), so I don't think it's the biggest deal in the world. Makes things more fun, really. Alhamdulillah, my mom has never had major drama with her in-laws and my dad's family are great people, so it's set a good example. My mom always says that everybody has minor fights; that's an inevitable part of living with somebody. So you will clash with your mother or father-in-law. But in the end, it's not a big deal. You forgive and forget and there's still love there 'cause they're your family (hopefully ). And as long as you treat your spouse's parents better than you would your own, you can expect them to do the same to yours.

So yeah, I would live with my husband's parents. I don't think it's the best idea perhaps when you're newly married, 'cause you need time to adjust to each other, but later on... if he's the only child (or the only son) or they're old/ill, what else are you going to do? I don't think you necessarily have to live with them, but it's important to be in close proximity, I think.