[thejellymill]

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

Yeah, I've seen cases like that as well. A dear friend of my mom's had 6 kids, and left her own education to support her husband while he became an oral surgeon. He left her for his dental assistant. It was really aweful. You would think that a guy wouldn't let his actions be controlled by his desires rather than his brain, especially when he had 6 beautiful kids and a super hot wife, but obviously not. People are weak, they make all kinds of bad decisions. They act on impulse and don't think of the consequences, or they don't care. People can be really selfish too.

I'm not trying to say it's right. You just asked why people do it.

That's so sad! I guess I already knew why people do it.. It's because they're stupid and shameless . I guess it was more a rhetorical question but thanks for answering it anyway

[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by thejellymill

That's so sad! I guess I already knew why people do it.. It's because they're stupid and shameless . I guess it was more a rhetorical question but thanks for answering it anyway

What if your husband cheated on you, and you didn't find out about it for years? What would you do? Would your reaction be different if it was a one-night thing, several months affair, or long standing relationship? What if he took a secret second wife, and you found out about it later? Would you feel better or worse if she was "back home" and his family had pressured him to do it?

You don't have to answer any of the above. They are all hypothetical questions.

If you start thinking about these things too much, you will depress yourself. Life kinda sucks sometimes ignorance is bliss.

[Spice]

This reminds me of couples divorcing. We seem to get a random post every number of pages of people complaining of why people break up. And a friend of mine was going on and on today about "wth do people divorce. LYKE OMGGG!!!!!!!!!!1, she mustve screwedup! he mustve cheated!@" ugh.
Its not that hard to get. sometimes people get married and later find out they werent meant to be together and arent as compatible as they initially thought. In which case they either make mistakes or divorce altogether. Its just... something that happens. and as wrong as it may seem, we're in no place to judge. We should be grateful that we are not in such trying situations ourselves, because its never as black and white or clear cut as it may seem to strangers who are only seeing the external of a relationship. Its a lot more complicated, complex and trying. Emotions run high, people seem to stop thinking, give up hope. and go out and do what they know will hurt the other the most. and generally theres an inevitable end.

I think if we're not in the position, then we cant really understand it enough to judge people who are being tested in that sense.

Its sad, okay, check. But shut up and pray for and work on your own relationships. I'm really not a fan of people judging others intimate relationships and wildly guessing at 'what mustve gone wrong'.
If we were to tear open our own hearts, only God knows of all the filth we might find, how dry they are, how black theyve become, and how small they are.

Lets point to ourselves first, and figure ourselves out, because when we stand before the Lord on the final day, He's going to ask us about US, of what and how much we did. Prepare to answer that. sigh. Im probably the worst of all muslims, i just, sometimes it all makes so much sense and you feel a noor filling your sight and entering your dil, but that 'sometimes' is only when you stop and think. That only happens when you stop pointing fingers and sit down to look at yourself, and acknowledge your misdeeds, feel sorrow, regretful, and turn to Him. Because in the end, He is the one who is ever willing to listen, ever willing to forgive, and ever willing to reward His slaves and shower them with His mercy. There is only the One worthy of filling our hearts of remembrance with.

EDIT: this isnt directed towards anyone, just a general nonsensical and vague rant.

[thejellymill]

Spice: even though you said the post wasn't directed at anybody it's obvious that my post brought on your rant. I was not being judgmental because I am aware, as a human married to a human, that I am in an equally vulnerable position. That's why I made a dua at the end of my original post to be protected from this kind of stuff inshallah.

The divorce rate in this country is approaching 50% (if it hasnt passed it already) and the rate of adultery among both sexes is not far behind percentage-wise. A lot of Europe is off the charts in this department with a lot of people never even bothering to get married at all and seeing adultery as a way of life. This is not normal and because adultery can affect the extended family as well, to say something like "shut up and pray for and work on your own relationships" is actually kind of insensitive.

For all you know I was expressing my sadness here in response to something going on in my personal life. Your words were not appropriate.

edit: I really am not liking how a lot of posts (not just mine) expressing various opinions are being taken the wrong way and pounced on by others. What's with that lately here on Islamica?

[thejellymill]

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

What if your husband cheated on you, and you didn't find out about it for years? What would you do? Would your reaction be different if it was a one-night thing, several months affair, or long standing relationship? What if he took a secret second wife, and you found out about it later? Would you feel better or worse if she was "back home" and his family had pressured him to do it?

You don't have to answer any of the above. They are all hypothetical questions.

If you start thinking about these things too much, you will depress yourself. Life kinda sucks sometimes ignorance is bliss.

After hearing all the sad things that go on in this world those questions can drive a person crazy.

[Spice]

Originally Posted by thejellymill

Spice: even though you said the post wasn't directed at anybody it's obvious that my post brought on your rant. I was not being judgmental because I am aware, as a human married to a human, that I am in an equally vulnerable position. That's why I made a dua at the end of my original post to be protected from this kind of stuff inshallah.

Originally Posted by Spice

And a friend of mine was going on and on today about "wth do people divorce. LYKE OMGGG!!!!!!!!!!1, she mustve screwedup! he mustve cheated!@"

EDIT: this isnt directed towards anyone, just a general nonsensical and vague rant.

I dont feel the need to address the second part of your post, because you seem to have misinterpreted.

[Spice]

Originally Posted by thejellymill

edit: I really am not liking how a lot of posts (not just mine) expressing various opinions are being taken the wrong way and pounced on by others. What's with that lately here on Islamica?

If you think I 'pounced' on you, I apologize, that really was not my intention. In fact, let me make it clear for the third time in writing: my post had nothing to do with you, it was a rant brought on by a conversation with a friend today.

[thejellymill]

Originally Posted by Spice

We seem to get a random post every number of pages of people complaining of why people break up. And a friend of mine was going on and on today about "wth do people divorce. LYKE OMGGG!!!!!!!!!!1, she mustve screwedup! he mustve cheated!@" ugh.

.........

[Spice]

Originally Posted by thejellymill

.........

You didnt author the posts I had in mind.
4th time: Nothing to do with you or your posts.

Also, Im not interested in continuing this. It was a rant, and I feel like explaining it is a waste of time- especially when you dont seem to get that it was a rant and had nothing to do with you. (5th time)

[HijabiPrincezz]

sometimes i feel liek a bad freind.

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

im trying to bake this cake, but it doesnt seem to want to cook completely. At least it made the house smell nice alhamdulilah

btw jelly, i meant my p. I've had the spots, which are gone now alhamdulilah, and i had the uncontrollable spontaneous crying maybe 2 weeks ago. Argh.

[shsh]

I WANT TO GET MARRIED

[sumiyia]

boooooooooooooooooooooo!!

break's over.. first day of classes today... back, on the grind for another 4 months non-stop... at least inshallah the hubby and i have our anniversary trip to the east coast to look forward to.. but why is it FOUR MONTHS away?? blah!

also.. alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah my husband is amazing and i'm soooooooo blessed and lucky to have a best friend as awesome as he is...

[sally]

facebook rocks

Facebook | I'm a Desi/Brown Girl and Freeloading from Parents = My Basic, Human Right

[heba]

hi ladies
i woke up this mornin and decided im obese lol. i went to the gym for two hours. now im starvedddd and all i want is pizza! LOL

anyway, its pretty outside