Female Personal Hygiene

serendipity_000 · #**10351** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 02:13 PM

I've met quite a few Muslim guys who have been sexually abused by trusted relatives as well. None of them have told their relatives and they are all adults now.

sally · #**10352** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 02:14 PM

heyyy sona, you have a devrani??? i didnt know.

my cousins on my dads side of the family were always the touchy feely type. we have a ton of guys and not many girls at all on that side of the family so it was weird.. and then all the guys grew brains and got married so things changed..plus all the girls hit their late teens/early 20s and stuff so even more of a reason for things to calm down.

alhamdulillah tho my parents always were firm about my boundaries to all of my cousins. i spent most of my youth around my moms side of the family where everyone observes strict purdah, etc so i had learned it was wrong from the start so didnt really need any enlightenment on that. but up until a few yrs ago my cousins (who are now intheir late 20s, early 30s) used to forget i was all grown up and still try to hug or touch me/sit close to me and i'd just be like REALLY weird about it. a lot of their parents/the elders would find it weird for me to be protesting or be so uptight at such an early age about physical contact, and they would even give my parents awkward glances sometimes because i guess the guys were all like in their early teens when i was born and im like the youngest girl and everyone hearted me and all that great stuff when i was a baby but teenage-hood is a whole diff ballgame.

my mehram uncles and i dont touch/hug either, with the exception of one mamoo. he alwayssss hugs me cuz we're close and see each other after like eternities. but even then i kinda feel awkward cuz it's not something im really that used to.

anyways so i agree that it is really important to make your boundaries/limitations clear. or else people think it's okay. like with my other girl cousins. their parents were lenient about it so..yeah.

sally · #**10353** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 02:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spice

okay, my family seems so different.

Me and this one set of cousins all grew up together. They were considerably older than all of us (me and my siblings). when i was born, I was one of the very few girls in my extended family, and my cousins always picked me up, took me out, made me sing for them when I was 3-4ish, and I was basically everyones baby until 10 when we moved away. (obviously they werent picking me up at 10) but noogies and wet willies were all fair game still. Even till this day they like to ruffle my hair and pull my cheeks, which is very awkward since I GREW UP AND DO HIJAB, and keep reminding them so. sigh. I havent seen them for a couple of years now though, so hopefully when/if i do ever come accross them, theyll know Im not all little sisterish anymore and can punk them off now

that's how it was for me up until i was about 5. then i moved away from the majority of the guy cousins or stopped seeing them as much.

sona · #**10354** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 02:27 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sally

heyyy sona, you have a devrani??? i didnt know.

no, my BIL isn't married. yet.

the other daughter in law in the khandaan is a cousin's wife.

Sugarberry · #**10355** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 02:45 PM

Im totally raising my kids to think that their cousins are like extended brothers and sisters....granted i wont have them sleeping in the same room.( when their teenagers)...but I dont want them doing hijab in front of them either.

Laimuun · #**10356** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 02:47 PM

I'm keeping my kids on a leash till they're 21.

Bruinrab · #**10357** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 02:53 PM

Heehee, my family's funny. Mahrems hug freely, at least on my mom's side - I hug both my parents, I hug my two mamoos, even the one who is basically a Tablighi. I don't hug my mom's brothers-in-law or my male cousins though. My mom hugs all her siblings and nieces/nephews, and my dad hugs all his sisters too and nieces/nephews too.

And everyone plays with mahrem kids in our family. My mamoos treat nieces/nephews, their kids, etc. like their own, and I would be absolutely comfortable leaving my kids alone with them. They are awesome people, and to me, they are the epitome of what it means to follow the sunnah. I'm less comfortable with my dad's family, but as long as my husband or I were in the room, I'd be ok with a couple of my male first cousins on that side playing with my kids.

My parents kept the physical affection between them to a minimum when we were young, but as we got older, they've been more cutesy...although they will back off if we go "eeeeeeewwww!"

As far as my spouse...I'd be ok sitting next to him, having his arm around me, holding hands etc. around my parents; basically the same level of affection I see between my parents.

Ameerah · #**10358** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Laimuun

I'm keeping my kids on a leash till they're 21.

...then they're put into a cage.

Spice · #**10359** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 02:56 PM

No way, I would not want my spouse to hold my hand or have his arm around me in the presence of my parents. And if he had something 'cute' to say while they were around, I'd train him to TEXT ME.

I'd be so embarrassed in front of them

serendipity_000 · #**10360** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 02:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ameerah

...then they're put into a cage.

Well I guess its good to prepare them for marriage

Ameerah · #**10361** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 03:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Well I guess its good to prepare them for marriage

Prepare? They're 21.

The cage IS marriage.

PhDGirl · #**10362** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 03:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Well I guess its good to prepare them for marriage

Sounds like you've been attending auntie-led bridal showers!

Bruinrab · #**10363** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Spice

No way, I would not want my spouse to hold my hand have his arm around me in the presence of my parents. And if he had something 'cute' to say while they were around, I'd train him to TEXT ME.

I'd be so embarrassed in front of them

I think the cutest thing I've seen recently is when we all went to the beach a couple months ago. My brothers and I were just hanging out at the water's edge at sunset, and eventually realized that our parents weren't right there anymore. We look around and see them walking in the distance, just talking quietly, and my dad has his hand on my mom's shoulder. We all went awwwwwwww. Sigh.

My parents are worse than Bollywood.

Spice · #**10364** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 03:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ameerah

Prepare? They're 21.

The cage IS marriage.

Seriously. From the leash to the cage, and not a minute in between! And if they so much as tried to pull on the leash, I'd beat them silly with my chappal!

sally · #**10365** (**permalink**) 05-01-2008, 03:06 PM

speaking of marriage, i was just ranting to someone earlier how aunties keep throwing the 'you're just a guest/mehmaan/temporary visitor at your parents house' line at me. ive prolly gotten it like 4-5 times in the past week

and im thinking NO! I LIVE THERE!