[Asvi]

wow...disgusting..i'm never gonna let my kids outta my sights!!!

Please do a small dua for me and the baby, our first appointment is today, i'm so nervous. . Thanks a lot!

[Spice]

Originally Posted by Asvi

wow...disgusting..i'm never gonna let my kids outta my sights!!!

Please do a small dua for me and the baby, our first appointment is today, i'm so nervous. . Thanks a lot!

eeek, iA everything will go well Dont be nervous, look at it as some kind of milestone in your pregnancy...or something

[Salika]

Oh my God... even "shaykhs" and fellow relatives... good God.. what has the world come to?

Who can you trust?

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

Originally Posted by sally

sona, im not a mother but i feel the same way when i see a little girl being picked up by random male relatives. like when they get really close it makes me insanely uncomfortable

I understand that sentiment because I often feel the same way... but on the other hand it's really sad that male relatives can't play with kids without everyone looking at them like they're perverts.

[Asvi]

Originally Posted by Spice

eeek, iA everything will go well Dont be nervous, look at it as some kind of milestone in your pregnancy...or something

thanks!

[zakk]

Yeah, it's even difficult when you put your kids in a different room to sleep as you. We put Madiha in her own room when she was three and it was so hard because honestly with all the things going on in the world, you kind of want to lock your kids in one place and stand sentry. With a very large weapon.

My kids have a baby monitor in their room, so I can hear anything in the night.

I'm sure it will also come in handy for eavesdropping on them when they're teenagers

[Spice]

Originally Posted by zakk

I'm sure it will also come in handy for eavesdropping on them when they're teenagers

oh my god. you made ME cry

[PhDGirl]

Originally Posted by iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu

I understand that sentiment because I often feel the same way... but on the other hand it's really sad that male relatives can't play with kids without everyone looking at them like they're perverts.

Yeah, that's true - it's hard to expect the worst and allow good relationships at the same time. I think this is particularly true of people who come from cultures that don't value personal space in general.

[thejellymill]

Originally Posted by Laimuun

edit: and I don't care what sort of cultural taboos there are about talking to your children about abuse, our communities need to be more educated about this topic. children need to know about "good touches vs. bad touches" and need to feel safe coming to their parents if something happens. we need to get rid of the whole "blame the victim" mentality.

When I was little my dad used to ask his friends (some of them single) to pick me up from my grandma's and drop me home. This was in Pakistan.. my grandma (dadi) used to get soooooo mad and tell my dad not to do that and I would be like "what the heck WHY??" and she would be like "because they're men and you're a little girl" and I'd go ""

Alhamdulillah nothing ever happened but I never understood at that time what they meant b/c nobody explained it to me. Stupid desi culture and mindsets.. It was my American mom who took the initiative and explained it to me.

Originally Posted by sally

sona, im not a mother but i feel the same way when i see a little girl being picked up by random male relatives. like when they get really close it makes me insanely uncomfortable

I do too! My husband has a niece who's about 4 and every time male relatives play with her I feel really weird.. like "why would a grown man who is not a father be so into playing with a 4 year old girl and constantly picking her up?" I dunno, I think I'm paranoid too but I find it odd. And I agree with you sona, when I have a daughter inshallah I will not feel comfortable if any man except her father or grandfathers pick her up/play with her excessively.

Also, I plan to strictly observe the command that says "separate their beds.." around age 8 - 10 because unfortunately brothers and sisters can be nasty too. I know a 7 year old girl that my grandma (mom's mom) used to babysit and her half brother who was about 13 was caught in his room with her and he had taken her pants off. Thankfully I think they walked in before anything could happen but they were always worried about other instances and they told my grandma to watch him when he was around her. Sick bastard should have been shot. Little pervert.
----

We're all so worried about our kids being the victims...what if our kid ends up being the sick pervert who scars another child? Or worse, his/her brother or sister? Personally I think if my kid was ever to do that he/she would have to deal with some pretty harsh consequences, esp because neither myself nor my husband would ever raise a kid like that. But sometimes unfortunately people get a rotten apple no matter what they do..

[sally]

Originally Posted by PhDGirl

Yeah, that's true - it's hard to expect the worst and allow good relationships at the same time. I think this is particularly true of people who come from cultures that don't value personal space in general.

but even so being touchy feely isnt really a desi thing at all

i mean, how many people actually hug their siblings/parents?

edit: i have no idea what point i was trying to make. i was on the phone with the bank while typing the above i totally forgot the point i was gonna make.

[sumiyia]

Originally Posted by sally

but even so being touchy feely isnt really a desi thing at all

i mean, how many people actually hug their siblings/parents?

edit: i have no idea what point i was trying to make. i was on the phone with the bank while typing the above i totally forgot the point i was gonna make.

i think i know what you're getting at... i don't think i've ever seen my parents hug, and definitely never seen em kiss (ew!!)

there has to be a happy medium between full on touching all the time and the above right?? ugh! why is everything so hard!

[PhDGirl]

Originally Posted by sally

but even so being touchy feely isnt really a desi thing at all

i mean, how many people actually hug their siblings/parents?

edit: i have no idea what point i was trying to make. i was on the phone with the bank while typing the above i totally forgot the point i was gonna make.

Um, I do! I also hug my cousins, aunts/uncles etc when I see them. But like Sumi, I'm pretty sure I haven't seen my parents hug. I don't think my dad hugs my aunts or my mom hugs my uncles [from the other side - they do hug their own siblings] either. I think they all sort of smile. My mom is the youngest daughter in law on my dad's side so I think my dad's brothers and his sisters' husbands kind of pat her on the head. Hehe

I don't think it's so weird that a guy would want to play with a young niece or female cousin for a bit any more than I think it would be weird for a woman to play with a young nephew or male cousin. Sometimes the adults are boring and annoying, so it's better to hang with the kids! But yeah, you have to be a little vigilant and watch out.

[sally]

we dont hug in my immediate family at alllll. well actually my younger bro hugs my parents and they hug him etc.

i think it's important to have some sort of physical contact with your parents though, like regular hugging, etc. it's just never been something we do however

what about you guys?

[sona]

Originally Posted by sally

i think it's important to have some sort of physical contact with your parents though, like regular hugging, etc. it's just never been something we do however

what about you guys?

my immediate family is very affectionate. my dad hugs me every time i come home, and i go home once a week, lol.
my parents even hug each other in front of us. they're so cute, mA.
i don't hug the spouse in my front my parents though. that's gross.

with that being said, we still have very definite limits. i don't hug non mahram uncles, and cousins, and vice versa. the occaisonal pat on the head from them is good enough "beta, khush raho."

but in feef's family - everyone is reallllllllllllly touchy feely. all the cousins, girls and guys hug each other, and some of the young 20ish girls even take their hijabs off in the presense of their guy cousins b/c their reasoning is "they're like my brothers.".

there's another "bahu" in the family besides me (daughter in law), and she's very touchy feely too. she's always hugging feef's uncles and cousins and stuff.
i'm the odd one out. but hey, that's how i was raised.

but yea, my daughter only has 2 mahrams from feef's side: my FIL, and my BIL. that's it.
and so, technically there may be nothing wrong with the older cousins playing with her now, but i don't want them to get the idea that i'm cool with this kinda thing 5 years down the road.

[Spice]

okay, my family seems so different.

Me and this one set of cousins all grew up together. They were considerably older than all of us (me and my siblings). when i was born, I was one of the very few girls in my extended family, and my cousins always picked me up, took me out, made me sing for them when I was 3-4ish, and I was basically everyones baby until 10 when we moved away. (obviously they werent picking me up at 10) but noogies and wet willies were all fair game still. Even till this day they like to ruffle my hair and pull my cheeks, which is very awkward since I GREW UP AND DO HIJAB, and keep reminding them so. sigh. I havent seen them for a couple of years now though, so hopefully when/if i do ever come accross them, theyll know Im not all little sisterish anymore and can punk them off now

but yeah, those were my cousins. though i agree with the rest of you, theres going to be no 'playing' around when it comes to my kids and their cousins. I'm going to body slam every little sucker that tries to get close to my kids ...or er..have the hubby do it. I also plan on teaching the girls self defence and load them with pepper spray. The baby monitors also go on when there're guests visiting, if the kids object, Im going to put a lock on their door, and keep them well locked away no, seriously!

omg. as i was typing this, some guy was standing RIGHT BEHIND, for god knows how long and goes "hello" and scared the hell out of me. This place is deserted,