[sumiyia]

Originally Posted by iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu

hmmm... that's an interesting point you raise. children sexually abusing other children may have something to do with overexposure.. or they may have been sexually abused themselves.. A lot of kids who are abused go on to sexually abuse others. It's really sad

I'm gonna stop talking about this cus its making me depressed

thats true.. i noticed in some of the instances that the child that was abusing the other child had been abused himself... its kind of difficult for a 7 year old to know the details about oral sex naturally..

[Salika]

Well on a similar note but addressing the same issue, one of the biggest criticisms of liberal societies is that they place the individual's desires over the common good of society. All this "freedom of speech", "freedom", and the "right to do x, y, z" can have adverse effects. Of course I'm not saying we should hop on the other extreme, but maybe our policies should be more balanced. When I took First Amendment, I was quite disappointed in how far people could go in the name of "freedom of speech."

[thejellymill]

Talk about coincidence...the irony is killing me. I JUST found out (less than 20 minutes ago) on the phone that someone close to me was molested as a child and he/she never told anybody (I am the only person besides the victim and perpetrator that knows). I cried on the phone. I still want to cry. I feel so bad for them. The molester was a cousin and at least 5 years older and used to do it when the cousins would have sleepovers, after everyone went to sleep. The person told me it stopped when the families grew apart and the kids stopped sleeping over and the person tried really hard not to let it affect them. This happened almost 2 decades ago. I'm in total shock.

Now I understand the wisdom behind why my parents didn't let us sleep over at peoples' houses and I am going to have the same rule for my kids too inshallah.

May Allah protect them from aftereffects and from doing it to others (because statistics say the molested can turn into molesters themselves), ameen

[sumiyia]

Originally Posted by thejellymill

Talk about coincidence...the irony is killing me. I JUST found out (less than 20 minutes ago) on the phone that someone close to me was molested as a child and he/she never told anybody (I am the only person besides the victim and perpetrator that knows). I cried on the phone. I still want to cry. I feel so bad for them. The molester was a cousin and at least 5 years older and used to do it when the cousins would have sleepovers, after everyone went to sleep. The person told me it stopped when the families grew apart and the kids stopped sleeping over and the person tried really hard not to let it affect them. This happened almost 2 decades ago. I'm in total shock.

Now I understand the wisdom behind why my parents didn't let us sleep over at peoples' houses and I am going to have the same rule for my kids too inshallah.

May Allah protect them from aftereffects and from doing it to others (because statistics say the molested can turn into molesters themselves), ameen

awwwwww may Allah swt give them the strength to deal with this and recover from it completely.. and may He keep ourselves and our children safe from such abuse. ameen

[thejellymill]

Originally Posted by sumiyia

awwwwww may Allah swt give them the strength to deal with this and recover from it completely.. and may He keep ourselves and our children safe from such abuse. ameen

ameen. I cant believe the parents never knew. Desis never talk about this stuff with kids. I remember when I was little and we came to the US for a visit during the school year. I had to go to school here for about a month and the first day my mom sat me down in the morning and said "now if anyone says anything to you or touches you in a place that doesn't feel right, let me know okay?" i felt so awkward at the time but at least she had enough brains to say that. I could never imagine a desi parent saying that and thats what this friend just told me when i asked if his/her parents ever said anything or found out..."desis dont do that"

[jaani]

Originally Posted by thejellymill

ameen. I cant believe the parents never knew. Desis never talk about this stuff with kids. I remember when I was little and we came to the US for a visit during the school year. I had to go to school here for about a month and the first day my mom sat me down in the morning and said "now if anyone says anything to you or touches you in a place that doesn't feel right, let me know okay?" i felt so awkward at the time but at least she had enough brains to say that. I could never imagine a desi parent saying that and thats what this friend just told me when i asked if his/her parents ever said anything or found out..."desis dont do that"

ya, desis dont do that because its an awkward subject, theres haya/sharam involved, along with it still being kinda taboo

~j

[Salika]

Jelly, that's so sick I really can't believe this kind of stuff goes on in our own communities (ok, yes, I can, ugh)..

Ditto, now I know why my parents rarely let me sleep over anyone's house and they'd always make sure no one was doing that sort of stuff and they would just be blunt. At the time I didn't understand, but now I do....

Ilikemyscarf

[Laimuun]

this topic hits close to home, I know someone in my community who was molested years ago by another, older member of the community. the poor child had to see that bastard and interact with him normally for years because the child was too scared/embarrassed to tell anyone until recently. and the parents were unsure about what to do about the situation because the pervert was one of those "holy" popular guys in the community. they didnt want the victims identity getting out, because you know how stupid desis talk.. make it out to be the girl's fault. how can a CHILD be at fault when something like that happens? alhamdulillah though, recently, the situation was finally taken care of. but still, the poor child.

edit: and I don't care what sort of cultural taboos there are about talking to your children about abuse, our communities need to be more educated about this topic. children need to know about "good touches vs. bad touches" and need to feel safe coming to their parents if something happens. we need to get rid of the whole "blame the victim" mentality.

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

After the things i've seen and heard of...I'd never let my little brothers/children alone with any man apart from my husband and parents. We were never allowed to sleep outside as children ,even early teenage years, and I didn't mind too much as I knew why - i think my parents said why in a round-about way. I know of a child who was touched inappropriately by a workmate of their father, they were only left alone in the room for a few minutes - with the door open..but the child was brave |(masha Allah)enough to tell his father and the guy was promptly 'sorted out'. alhamdulilah.

I'd definitely talk to my kids about this sort of stuff and my little brothers know what's inappropriate alhamdulilah.

May Allah swt protect us all, ameen. I really feel for the kids who can't confide in anyone and have to interact with the monsters for years afterwards

[nooni]

the problem is that it can happen even when kids are together. a friend of mine used to go with a group of kids to see this shaykh to learn quran. the shaykh told everyone except this one girl to go play outside cause she needed "extra help", clearly the "extra help" was sexual and alhumdulilah the guy got busted and sent to jail.

never ever leave ur kids alone if there are not other adults in the masjid or a persons house. halaqas should not be done in a private room but outside or publicly where everyone can see inshallah.

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

yep. one sheikh got caught out and he chipped off to pakistan to escape beatings and arrest.

[Laimuun]

I'm glad to hear that in those communities, the support was behind the child. in this community, initially, there was sympathy for the man! they were worried about HIS reputation. eventually, when word spread and it was confirmed by certain 'authority figures' in the community, only then did people start believing what had happened.

[sally]

this is all really really sad.

[sona]

man. it's a scary, scary world.

as a kid, i was never allowed to sleep over anyone's house. i wasn't even allowed to babysit, and i remember resenting my parents for it.
you don't realize how protective you are until you become a parent yourself....
i was never like that before, i had a very 'in your face attitude', but now that i have a little girl that is almost 3 yrs old - my perspective has changed.

i don't like it when some of feef's male cousins pick her and up and hold her/play with her, granted they're nice people and it's all very innocent - but it makes me uncomfortable for whatever reason. maybe it's paranoia.
and when i voice my opinion, it sounds as though i'm bashing my inlaws.

but as a parent, i'm not looking out for anyone's best interest. i don't give a damn if they call me rude or think i'm not friendly.
if i don't want you near my daughter, then you best keep your distance.

with all the recent news about sickos everywhere, the most disheartening news is to hear that some of this abuse goes on right in our homes and we don't even know about it.
i mean, somebody's little girl or little boy who gets abused could be MY little girl or little boy, and that thought just crushes me.
we need to be more watchful of each other. we need a stronger community backbone, and like laimuun said - the victim needs to be able to speak up without feeling ashamed.

[sally]

sona, im not a mother but i feel the same way when i see a little girl being picked up by random male relatives. like when they get really close it makes me insanely uncomfortable