[DramaRani]

Originally Posted by afrakabob

would you stay with someone who you cared deeply for... who was completely devoted to you and would do anything to make you happy, but who had painfully low self-esteem and was a little unstable when it came to his iman?

what if he had a questionable track record in the past and (thus) a lot of baggage?

As long as you're not sacrificing your well being - mental and physical, then I guess go for it. Having to constantly build up someone's self-esteem is draining. And if his iman is unstable, how can you guarantee that your trying to strengthen it and help him won't back fire? Some people get annoyed when you're constantly in their face with Islam, you know what I mean? Anyway, I hope whatever you choose to do, its the best for you, iA .

[DramaRani]

Originally Posted by vanillawafer

thats the sickest, most accurate, description.

Honestly that's what always came to mind when I saw my sister's friend's bare leg. I used to tell her that it looked like raw chicken skin .

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

Originally Posted by afrakabob

would you stay with someone who you cared deeply for... who was completely devoted to you and would do anything to make you happy, but who had painfully low self-esteem and was a little unstable when it came to his iman?

what if he had a questionable track record in the past and (thus) a lot of baggage?

No, babying a grown man gets old real fast.

[sally]

Originally Posted by DramaRani

As long as you're not sacrificing your well being - mental and physical, then I guess go for it. Having to constantly build up someone's self-esteem is draining. And if his iman is unstable, how can you guarantee that your trying to strengthen it and help him won't back fire? Some people get annoyed when you're constantly in their face with Islam, you know what I mean? Anyway, I hope whatever you choose to do, its the best for you, iA .

damn straight. was just gonna add that. good thinking afifa

[DramaRani]

Originally Posted by sally

damn straight. was just gonna add that. good thinking afifa

I don't think its fair for people to say that a grown man shouldn't have to be babied. Everyone needs their ego stroked once in a while. Women/girls don't want to admit it, but how many times do we crave for a guy to compliment us and give us a little attention? How does it in turn make us feel? I think the real issue that Afra's getting at is not that its a "grown man" that she's having to attend to, but another person period. I, a very long time ago, was once a doormat for someone. I swear to God, it was the most unhealthy thing ever. Alhumdulillah, I saw the light. I didn't care that I was making someone feel better, building up their self esteem, and destroying their insecurities. Taking on someone else's battles was and is hard. And that's what Afra is thinking about. Again hopefully iA, she'll be able to make the best decision for herself .

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

Originally Posted by DramaRani

I don't think its fair for people to say that a grown man shouldn't have to be babied. Everyone needs their ego stroked once in a while. Women/girls don't want to admit it, but how many times do we crave for a guy to compliment us and give us a little attention? How does it in turn make us feel? I think the real issue that Afra's getting at is not that its a "grown man" that she's having to attend to, but another person period. I, a very long time ago, was once a doormat for someone. I swear to God, it was the most unhealthy thing ever. Alhumdulillah, I saw the light. I didn't care that I was making someone feel better, building up their self esteem, and destroying their insecurities. Taking on someone else's battles was and is hard. And that's what Afra is thinking about. Again hopefully iA, she'll be able to make the best decision for herself .

Yea I was just speaking from my own experiences. I liked a guy with extremely low self esteem and emotional problems once and it was no picnic. Overall I was very supportive but after about six months of seeing no change in his mental state I realized there was nothing I could do for him.

Maybe Afra is more patient than me and can deal with it but I couldn't. Generally speaking I'm a pretty positive person, I don't like to wallow in self pity and I don't like it when others do. I know everyone has ups and downs but when your WHOLE life is a pity party it gets to be pretty tiresome.

[Timbit]

Everybody likes to be babied sometimes. The difference is when you have to do it day in and day out. That would get tiresome, I'd imagine.

[jaani]

Originally Posted by Asvi

i'm desi and "we" meaning my family we all tend to live together. Parents live with their sons. And my hubby is a really nice family oriented guy who would never tell his parents, no you can't live with me and my wife. Islamically i have a right to have my own house, but culturly we're suppose to take care of our parents/elders. So if i say to him that i will absolutely NOT live w/his parents, this WILL affect our marriage. Of course if the tables are turned, and my sis-in-law (bro's wife) tells my parents that they can't live w/her, i will be really pissed too.

I hope you get it now..if not PM..i'll explain in details.

Its not just cultural.....I think its in a Hadith(?) that we are supposed to take care of about parents/elders

~j

[Bruinrab]

I. hate. internal. medicine.

Either one of the following two things will happen soon:

My medical team will be rearranged so that it doesn't feel like a ship adrift at sea without a captain

or

I will be found in a corner of the hospital, in the fetal position, crying and sucking my thumb.

The only reason I'm not crying now is that I had a funny thought on the way home. Instead of too many chiefs and not enough indians, my team has too many indians and not enough chiefs...

[Asvi]

I'm recovering from watching p.s. i love you. what a sad movie. i had rented the book but couldn't really get into it, so i saw the movie instead. I cried too many times. I can't even imagine how "holly" must have felt after her husband passed away. sooooooooo sad.

[amani01]

you dont need a tip you need to make dua to allah........

[afrakabob]

Originally Posted by Ilikemyscarf

no, a guy needs to know how to be a man.

Originally Posted by iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu

No, babying a grown man gets old real fast.

okay, i see where you guys are coming from, but i'd like to think every situation isn't the same. if there is one partner who is generally stable, then maybe it doesnt matter whether that partner is a man or a woman, as long as they are supportive enough.
also, if this same less stable man can suck up his own issues enough to be strong for the woman in her own times of need, then is there really a problem?

Originally Posted by vanillawafer

If he was working on his iman and was no long doing shady stuff, then yes I would. I could help him build up his self esteem inshAllah. If we both loved each other, then I think self-esteem issues isn't a big thing. I'd be more worried about where his iman is and if he's changed his ways for the better.

i agree. somehow i feel like helping him with his personal insecurities (and the firm support he offers me in the face of my own) make me a much stronger person than i thought i was-- and it's sort of empowering. not in a feminazi kind of way , but rather in a way that makes me feel like i'm becoming more practical, and, well..... adult.

Originally Posted by DramaRani

As long as you're not sacrificing your well being - mental and physical, then I guess go for it. Having to constantly build up someone's self-esteem is draining.

and THAT's why therapy exists

Originally Posted by DramaRani

And if his iman is unstable, how can you guarantee that your trying to strengthen it and help him won't back fire?

it's a valid question. but i think (and hope) that this is more an issue of one of those highs and lows of iman that most of us deal with than a consistent problem of low iman.

jazaks to everyone who replied

[Pushpa]

It's 4:17 am. I was woken up by my TOOTHACHE

What can I do until I can make it to the dentist?!?

displaced, help me out will you please?!

[thejellymill]

Originally Posted by Asvi

I'm recovering from watching p.s. i love you. what a sad movie. i had rented the book but couldn't really get into it, so i saw the movie instead. I cried too many times. I can't even imagine how "holly" must have felt after her husband passed away. sooooooooo sad.

Yea I watched it with my husband but I know if I cry at a movie when he's around I'll feel embarrassed and he'll probably make a funny comment. I usually only cry in movies when I'm alone, I cant even do it around my sister. I'm a freak

Okay so guys I have this stupid problem called spider veins (not varicose). I started getting one or two tiny ones when I was 18. They started on my lower left leg and there are some on my lower right leg too but the ones on the left are really spreading. It's on no other part of my body, just lower legs. My mom and grandma have them really bad, especially after having children. I was told that crossing your legs really makes them worse but it's such a huge habit with me, I CANNOT sit in a chair without crossing my legs.

I don't want to sound weird or anything but alhamdulillah I have decent-looking legs and this is totally ruining them! I love wearing skirts/shorts etc, why cant I get them on some place that isn't so visible to me...like my back or something!!! How can I slow them down or get rid of them or at least lessen them??

Oh, and sometimes they tingle. I hope that's not a bad sign