[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by MossadConspiracy

thats a great article

atlantic is such a good mag, you should all read it if you want to appear smart because you get alot of general knowledge and random interesting facts from it

ws

So you're saying that if I want to do well on Geopardy, I should read that magazine? Interesting.

[ChotooMotoo]

Okay ladies, I have a real question.

To put it mildly, my dad and I haven't been on the best of terms since I converted and got married. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet, and neither my mom nor my husband has any idea how I should tell him, or how he's going to react. I wanted to talk to his wife, but every time I call, she talks to me for about 5 minutes about whatever she's doing, and then tell me she's busy, and hangs up before I get a chance to say anything. I have to tell him somehow, becuase if he finds out, of I have the baby before I tell him, he's going to be even more upset.

Advice?

[Pushpa]

Originally Posted by ChotooMotoo

Okay ladies, I have a real question.

To put it mildly, my dad and I haven't been on the best of terms since I converted and got married. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet, and neither my mom nor my husband has any idea how I should tell him, or how he's going to react. I wanted to talk to his wife, but every time I call, she talks to me for about 5 minutes about whatever she's doing, and then tell me she's busy, and hangs up before I get a chance to say anything. I have to tell him somehow, becuase if he finds out, of I have the baby before I tell him, he's going to be even more upset.

Advice?

Sorry to hear that. you could write a letter, maybe, then you won't have the awkwardness of waiting for a reaction from him, and he'll have space to absorb it in private before speaking to you, if he wants to. Or next time you call his wife start with, 'there's something I have to tell you' - that should shut her up long enough for you to speak. Good luck.

[sumiyia]

Originally Posted by Pushpa

Sorry to hear that. you could write a letter, maybe, then you won't have the awkwardness of waiting for a reaction from him, and he'll have space to absorb it in private before speaking to you, if he wants to. Or next time you call his wife start with, 'there's something I have to tell you' - that should shut her up long enough for you to speak. Good luck.

that's what i was going to say

[sumiyia]

Originally Posted by Salika

Well like I've alluded to before, I'm more interested in having a family than working. I wouldn't mind, and would actually prefer, putting my career on hold for my family. That being said, I still think it's important for women to hold degrees (not saying the article or anyone said otherwise, but just to be clear).

My mother stopped school when my younger brother and I were really young but went back to school and started working when my two younger siblings were young. I can totally see a difference not only with my own relationship to my mother but the relationshp between my younger siblings and my mother after she went back to school and started working. Her time and energy was very limited for us and she had to prioritize of course how she spent it... so it was spent on regulating/disciplining us (by disciplining us, I don't mean punish, but rather just regulating us, making sure we do our homework, clean our room, etc).

When when my younger brother and I talk about the way mom used to play with us, my younger 2 siblings are always like "mom never did that with us."

What I hope to do insha'Allah is finish my JD, pass the bar, have babies then when I find myself bored at home I can work part-time or something then when the kids are grown up I can focus more on work. So I don't lose my information, I can still read, write, and research in my spare time and fulfull my CLE's (continuing legal education- mandatory program for lawyers).

Ya, so that's what I think

i've been feeling the same way... i'd like to work at least a year or two after passing the bar insha'allah... and then start family... even then it feels like the wait is forever but still... 25/26 is a decent age to start a family, right? it's not too old, right? right??? everyone (aunties especially, and my mom the most) have been bugging the crap outta me to start popping out babies.. i'm like dude, it hasnt even been A YEAR yet.. i'm really afraid of my baby having birth defects insha'allah not...

[Laimuun]

thanks ladies for all the well wishes and duas. much love to all of you! I can't rep anymore today, but I'll get around to it tomorrow.

so my husband's flying back home tonight for the weekend and I feel like I should party it up with my girl friends.. only to realize all my friends are married and moved out of state.

chotoo - pushpa's suggestion of writing a letter sounds like a good way to go. I hope everything works out with you two. and a grandkid can be a good way of bringing you two closer together.

sumiyia - don't let aunties (and even mom) pressure you into having a kid. that decision is ONLY yours and your husband's, so don't let others get to you. 25/26 is definitely not too late to have a kid (but if you are worried, your best bet would be to talk to your doctor about it).

[Asvi]

Originally Posted by sumiyia

i've been feeling the same way... i'd like to work at least a year or two after passing the bar insha'allah... and then start family... even then it feels like the wait is forever but still... 25/26 is a decent age to start a family, right? it's not too old, right? right??? everyone (aunties especially, and my mom the most) have been bugging the crap outta me to start popping out babies.. i'm like dude, it hasnt even been A YEAR yet.. i'm really afraid of my baby having birth defects insha'allah not...

sumi: starting a family at 25/26 is fine.. ahem imthatage lol .. i dunno about you guys, but i didnt know my man a long time before i got married to him, so we deff.. need some alone time with eachother after the wedding. and plus i wasnt ready to take care of a baby. it all really depends on when you're ready to have a baby. Don't give in to the pressure.

[PhDGirl]

Chotoo, do you have an ultrasound picture or something to send him? Maybe you can try to make him feel involved by sending him that with a card? You can just write that you didn't know how to tell him, but you and your husband are expecting and you hope that your child can have a positive relationship with his/her grandfather (or something like that). Maybe there's a Hallmark card (!). Good luck - I hope it works out for you.

[farah]

Originally Posted by Sugarberry

yeah the article didnt really tell us anything we didnt already know.

my friend sent me this artilcle:

Marry Him :The case for settling for Mr. Good Enough
while its an intresting read I didnt agree with the main point.

*ahem* yes. your "friend"

Originally Posted by Salika

Well like I've alluded to before, I'm more interested in having a family than working. I wouldn't mind, and would actually prefer, putting my career on hold for my family. That being said, I still think it's important for women to hold degrees (not saying the article or anyone said otherwise, but just to be clear).

My mother stopped school when my younger brother and I were really young but went back to school and started working when my two younger siblings were young. I can totally see a difference not only with my own relationship to my mother but the relationshp between my younger siblings and my mother after she went back to school and started working. Her time and energy was very limited for us and she had to prioritize of course how she spent it... so it was spent on regulating/disciplining us (by disciplining us, I don't mean punish, but rather just regulating us, making sure we do our homework, clean our room, etc).

When when my younger brother and I talk about the way mom used to play with us, my younger 2 siblings are always like "mom never did that with us."

What I hope to do insha'Allah is finish my JD, pass the bar, have babies then when I find myself bored at home I can work part-time or something then when the kids are grown up I can focus more on work. So I don't lose my information, I can still read, write, and research in my spare time and fulfull my CLE's (continuing legal education- mandatory program for lawyers).

Ya, so that's what I think

yea, i really agree. my mom went back to school when i was in 7th grade (and my siblings are younger than me). it's not an experience i'd like to repeat with my own children, inshaAllah. i'd honestly prefer not to go back to school/work full time at least until the youngest is in high school. i guess that's why it's pretty important to me to finish as much schooling and get in as much work experience NOW so that way i don't feel like i "missed out" and "need to go back" later on. shrug.

[sona]

chotoo - i think writing a letter/card would work best, especially if you've tried the phone call thing and it didn't work.
insha'Allah i hope things work out. grandparents are essential for a happy childhood

[Timbit]

Damn... I guess that means I should stop commenting at weddings about whether the groom is good-looking or not. Don't want any crazy brides coming after me.

I think it'd be more offensive to say he's not good-looking than he is though.

[Pushpa]

sumiyia - I don't think 25/26 is too late to start a family at all. The risk of birth defects increases after 35 so you've got a fair bit of time to pop out 2 or 3 before then But if you are worried talk to your doctor about it, and try and keep yourself in good health. Drink lots of milk and exercise regularly!

Plus, if Allah means you to have a baby, nothing is going to stop it coming into this world so do what you have to do and don't sweat it.

Chotoo: PhDGirl's idea of sending a photo of your scan is a nice idea that might help soften his feelings a bit. Also. we're assuming he'll react badly - he might actually surprise you and be really happy at the thought of having a grandchild.

[ChotooMotoo]

Originally Posted by Timbit

Damn... I guess that means I should stop commenting at weddings about whether the groom is good-looking or not. Don't want any crazy brides coming after me.

I think it'd be more offensive to say he's not good-looking than he is though.

This one time I was taking an arabic class via video conference. The teacher was wearing a black turtleneck. Someone made the comment about how handsome and distinguished he looked. I totally agreed, but what came out of my mouth was:

"yah, that shirt really brings out the grey in his hair"

My neigbor looks at me like and I felt really bad, and was all like

"no, I think he looks really good, really distinguised" and I felt super stupid

Yeah, I suffer from foot in mouth disease.

[zakk]

sumi, the thing is, when you get diagnosed as infertile, it's still easier for treatments to work when you're younger. so you might want to get a checkup to make sure everything is in working order.

anyway, I am so hungry, and was wondering what to do about lunch, when 2 medical reps walked in bearing shawarma plates. apparently they thought we had a lunch today, realized we didn't, but brought the food over anyway. yummmmmm.

[ChotooMotoo]

Thanks for the advice guys. My mom can't keep her mouth shut much longer, so I went to Hallmark today and got a card. It was in the shape of a baby diaper and said:

A new baby changes everything.... except it's own diapers CONGRATULATIONS

And then I wrote that I didn't know how to tell him over the phone, so I decided to send a card, and hope he will be happy and take it as good news, cuz we do, and that he should come visit me, then I gave him directions from his house to mine (long directions, cuz he lives in Idaho) and told him how long the drive would be.

Now I have to wait and see what happens