[PhDGirl]

Originally Posted by the_only_one

Hi ladies

Is that consider childish to hold a grudge against people who come over for rishta? especially when you think "what the heck do they have in mind, for they are asking for my hand?" or is that normal ?

if it is so, then whats the most appropriate way to resolve the matter? a simple apologie after ur shaadi to boy x? or just start being nice to them..as soon you make it official to you're being engaged so they wouldnt think that you're backing out on your initial decision(aka dont wanna marry the dude?)

Hmmm, why do you want to say anything? Maybe just do dua that things work out for the best for all parties and drop it.

[displaced]

Originally Posted by the_only_one

Hi ladies

Is that consider childish to hold a grudge against people who come over for rishta? especially when you think "what the heck do they have in mind, for they are asking for my hand?" or is that normal ?

if it is so, then whats the most appropriate way to resolve the matter? a simple apologie after ur shaadi to boy x? or just start being nice to them..as soon you make it official to you're being engaged so they wouldnt think that you're backing out on your initial decision(aka dont wanna marry the dude?)

I've always had a little grudge against my suitors. because I wondered what the hell they were thinking, thought it was disgustingly presumptuous of them to come over to check ME out when they never had a chance to start with, and well...

the whole situation isn't the way I wanted to get married.

so I started insisting on meeting suitors outside the house, in which case I'd have some control over when the meeting ended rather than waiting for the guy to decide to leave our house.

[MossadConspiracy]

damn you girls are mean

anyway eid mubarak to the ones celebrating today or tomorrow

ws

[displaced]

Originally Posted by MossadConspiracy

damn you girls are mean

anyway eid mubarak to the ones celebrating today or tomorrow

ws

it's not mean. it's practical.

[Spice]

So not up for eid this time around

[MossadConspiracy]

Originally Posted by displaced

it's not mean. it's practical.

yeah but why get offended or annoyed that some guy would presume to propose to you and your family?

the process sucks though, you're right

[displaced]

Originally Posted by MossadConspiracy

yeah but why get offended or annoyed that some guy would presume to propose to you and your family?

the process sucks though, you're right

because the guy's proposal is not based in any way whatsoever on my personality.

[MossadConspiracy]

yeah i guess thats the old fashioned way of doing it. As long as the girl is bint nas and has a good reputation then guys are supposed to propose to her even if they dont know her or never even saw her before

[displaced]

Originally Posted by MossadConspiracy

yeah i guess thats the old fashioned way of doing it. As long as the girl is bint nas and has a good reputation then guys are supposed to propose to her even if they dont know her or never even saw her before

and that's stupid because you cannot assume someone is like their family members.

[MossadConspiracy]

yeah but you shouldnt get mad at them just for doing stuff the traditional way. Some guys come from strict families that dont want them to have female friends so its not their fault.

it is very wierd to approach some girl you dont know at all for marriage, its wierd for the guy too although at least we get to filter out all the undesirable ones before we go propose to them. i'm sure everybody would prefer a more laid back system

[the_only_one]

Originally Posted by MossadConspiracy

yeah but why get offended or annoyed that some guy would presume to propose to you and your family?

the process sucks though, you're right

shsh, mossad boy, u think like my mother.. she says, "u shud be honored that x and y family asked for your hand, not the other way around, most of the suitors i had never seen before..often they'd be referred as so and so's son(mostly the family lineage personality n religiousness is given a greater importance n in my family)..things like name wouldnt be mentioned to me..until Id ask my sisters to find out more coy..but even then i never played the part where "ahhhhhhhhhh im older and ready to get married, i always approached marriage matter lightly because I knew i am not ready to get married at all"

[iSHi]

Boys suck, throw rocks at them!

boys=

[the_only_one]

Originally Posted by iSHi

Boys suck, throw rocks at them!

boys=

I quadra triple with few doubles I concur what iSHi said

[Laimuun]

mm, maybe it's just me, but that sounds so arrogant to complain about guys coming over for proposals. it's the traditional way of proposals across most cultures, so why do you think its presumptuous for them to propose that way?

if being traditional is not your thing, that's fine, go out and find your own guy, but don't knock the poor guys who choose to go the traditional route.. it's just as awkward for them as it is for you.

heaven forbid, if a guy admitted what some girls here just did, he'd be written off as an arrogant *****.

[the_only_one]

Originally Posted by Laimuun

mm, maybe it's just me, but that sounds so arrogant to complain about guys coming over for proposals. it's the traditional way of proposals across most cultures, so why do you think its presumptuous for them to propose that way?

if being traditional is not your thing, that's fine, go out and find your own guy, but don't knock the poor guys who choose to go the traditional route.. it's just as awkward for them as it is for you.

heaven forbid, if a guy admitted what some girls here just did, he'd be written off as an arrogant *****.

with me im more traditionalist than anything. my pet-peeves has been to get crappy rishtas/il-eligible bachelors, which made me think "what the hell are they thinking, am i that desperate?...like the age factor, school factor etc..then there were the odd extreme liberals ones "