[afrakabob]

i ignored the last couple of pages of islamica.

Originally Posted by sally

I had Hepatitis A when I was younger...maaaan, I remember feeling like absolute CRAP all the time. Then it was either preceded or followed by Malaria, which also sucked.

doesnt having had Hep A make you no longer capable of donating blood?

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by farah

okay, i know we're over it, but i just wanted to point out one thing...

one of the biggest criticism leveled against (particularly international) feminist movements is their tendency to decide that they know what is best for the victim in a situation, without giving much thought to the social and cultural context in which the situation is occurring. i think it's important to remember the role of a counselor or scholar is not manipulative. you show the person you're counseling the options they have, but ultimately the decision to leave or stay has to be their own.

for anyone who works in situations dealing with domestic violence, i know it can be an extremely different thing to bear, especially when you see the same woman continue to go back to her husband again and again regardless of how much he abuses her. that decision to finally leave him, however, is personal and i think it's extremely vital that each person makes such a decision on their own...

k, i'm done and i'll shut up now, thanks

I learned that in my Violence class; I just... forgot.

But yeah, it's very frustrating. Men aren't going to stop being abusive if women keep showing willingness to take abuse. Sigh.

I don't think we're ever going to be over it.

[sally]

Originally Posted by afrakabob

doesnt having had Hep A make you no longer capable of donating blood?

I dunno, I've donated a few times after it. I think you need to let a certain amount of years pass before they let you or something...not sure, could be wrong

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by sally

Does anyone know the effectiveness or success rate of counseling sought out by couples with abuse issues? Like moderate to extreme abuse issues?

Good question. I'd be interested in knowing also.
Have I mentioned I want to be a family/marriage counselor?

Originally Posted by zzze

lol, i know that too well. However, to mention something like

''mybe religious who prays nammaz (salah)
and whos into the family value stuff u know takeing care of the inlaws and stuf''

and mentions his mother in the first sentence...hmmm! I think I shall start growing and nurturing ''men'' for the next generation of women (like a little farm), cos honestly there's some sort of regression going on (or perhaps I'm just seeing it).

I'm only half kidding, the ideal is the last person an individual meets, right?! Insha Allah I'll get the reward for setting her up

But... that's nice. Family values are good.

My dad sometimes wants to play matchmaker for people we know and my mom always tells him not to 'cause you get people's badduas when things don't work out.

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

alright then, clearly each to their own!

[thejellymill]

http://www.youtube.com/user/panacea81

I love this girl, been watching her vids for months

[jaani]

Originally Posted by thejellymill

http://www.youtube.com/user/panacea81

I love this girl, been watching her vids for months

She's the most popular makeup artist in UK!! Ya, I've been following her for sometime, too

Love how she does everything online live.....she has her own line now. Lucky girl

~j

[qudsia]

Originally Posted by Timbit

True. Kind of frustrating, to say the least, but okay. I'd like to think that if there were real, viable alternatives available, then not a lot of people would willingly stay in abusive marriages, but... people do self-destructive things all the time.

Good posts!

um, there ARE real and viable alternatives available. i believe i made a pretty extensive list of those options earlier. like i and others have said over and over again, the fact that cultural mores and pressure from family and community play such an huge role in how a woman ultimately decides regarding her situation is one of the biggest barriers a woman faces. they've internalized the patriarchy - they're willing to put up with the abuse because they no longer have the ability to understand their alternatives as 'real' alternatives.

Originally Posted by Timbit

I learned that in my Violence class; I just... forgot.

But yeah, it's very frustrating. Men aren't going to stop being abusive if women keep showing willingness to take abuse. Sigh.

I don't think we're ever going to be over it.

not necessarily. you're basically implying that the woman has some sort of control over his actions/reactions/behavior. this is a huge misconception - a man that is abusive will be abusive regardless of whether a woman puts up and shuts up, or whether she puts up a fight. the only difference will be how much more assertive he is in attempting to 'put her in her place'.

let's avoid trying to place the burden of violence on women.

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by qudsia

let's avoid trying to place the burden of violence on women.

That's the last thing I would do.

If you say that cooking his food right will save you a beating, then you are saying that you have some kind of control over his actions/reactions/behaviour.

[qudsia]

Originally Posted by farah

okay, i know we're over it, but i just wanted to point out one thing...

one of the biggest criticism leveled against (particularly international) feminist movements is their tendency to decide that they know what is best for the victim in a situation, without giving much thought to the social and cultural context in which the situation is occurring. i think it's important to remember the role of a counselor or scholar is not manipulative. you show the person you're counseling the options they have, but ultimately the decision to leave or stay has to be their own.

for anyone who works in situations dealing with domestic violence, i know it can be an extremely difficult thing to bear, especially when you see the same woman continue to go back to her husband again and again regardless of how much he abuses her. that decision to finally leave him, however, is personal and i think it's extremely vital that each person makes such a decision on their own...

k, i'm done and i'll shut up now, thanks

hm. where do you get that from? if anything, feminist principles created the model for how to address dv situations . the same methods and means of counseling are offered across the board - it's pretty standard procedure, be it a mainstream dv organization, an immigrant one, or a muslim one. they all operate on the counseling model where your first and foremost objective is to make sure she or her children are not in immediate danger. once that's sorted out, you simply assess the situation and offer her comprehensive options and counseling based on her situation. again, that is standard procedure regardless of what sort of agency you're seeking assistance from.

i've worked in the dv field for 6 years with three different agencies - one mainstream, two ethnic/immigrant - and never have i come across anyone forcing advice on women, or telling them what they should do. you're required to do a min of 40 hours of dv training prior to becoming a counselor, and again, it's standard procedure to advocate choice. afterall, it's about empowering the women to make their OWN decisions - if you make their decisions for them against their will, you're really just taking on the role of the perpetrator.

the ONE time i've come across someone that tried to force her advice on a client (i gave her hell about it cause we shared an office and i overhead her convo with the client)...she was reprimanded promptly and sent to mandatory trainings in addition to her 40 hours. she left soon after the incident though. point being though - if you work in the field, you have to learn to leave your judgement at the door. and also, it's a humbling experience because while you may get frustrated, you have to remind yourself that a woman will consider leaving numerous times before making the move. and you also have to remember that it could very well be you in the situation.

i just wanted to clarify that cause i feel like theres a huge misunderstanding around how these organizations work.

[qudsia]

Originally Posted by Timbit

That's the last thing I would do.

If you say that cooking his food right will save you a beating, then you are saying that you have some kind of control over his actions/reactions/behaviour.

it's not control over his actions, it's simply recognizing his pattern of behavior and trying to negotiate your way around it.

i think it's parodoxical to say a woman in an abusive relationship has any sort of control over her partner.

[Salika]

Soooo..... tampons. kotex or carefree?

[qudsia]

Originally Posted by Salika

Soooo..... tampons. kotex or carefree?

O.B. ..they're environment-friendly

[Salika]

Originally Posted by qudsia

O.B. ..they're environment-friendly

OB?

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