[sally]

I had Hepatitis A when I was younger...maaaan, I remember feeling like absolute CRAP all the time. Then it was either preceded or followed by Malaria, which also sucked.

Then I also got Typhoid at some point. That sucked.

Duas, sumiyia. Hope you feel better

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by sumiyia

i think everyone pretty much agrees about the whole domestic violence + fasting + tasting + scholar counseling thing.

my dad is flying back in from pakistan tomorrow. my mom is running around making herself pretty.

More or less, I think we're all agreed, yeah.

And that's supercute, MashaAllah. My mom's like that too whenever my dad's been away, heh. I'll always make fun of her by singing Punjabi love songs about people waiting for their loves... loye loye aaja mahi or aaja tenu akhiyaan udeek diyaan.

Originally Posted by caffienetime

i like being hanafi too! *high five*

i just want to say, and i think you guys will agree with me on this one, the main reason women stay in abusive relationships is because talakh is deemed as an extremely bad thing in our society and usually ruins the woman's life ie men usually dont want to marry divorced women.

Yep.
And yay Hanafis! *high five*



Real-life FPH moment...
My friend: Don't give me a wake-up call for sehri tomorrow. I'm not fasting.
Me: Yeah, that'll be me next week too. You know what that means?
Her: It means we can have lunch together?
Me: Yes!
Her:

[sally]

I get a mini migraine every night. Sigh.

[sumiyia]

Originally Posted by Timbit

And that's supercute, MashaAllah. My mom's like that too whenever my dad's been away, heh. I'll always make fun of her by singing Punjabi love songs about people waiting for their loves... loye loye aaja mahi or aaja tenu akhiyaan udeek diyaan.

haha i was doing the same! and then she was all

and then she yelled at me for not doing her threading, and to make sure i do it before dad gets home.

haha and here i am.. i havent done any threading epilating or anything in like ages cuz i've barely moved out of bed or off the couch for the past two weeks... and i'm seeing the mister tomorrow so i told him to bring my tweezers with him.

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by sumiyia

haha i was doing the same! and then she was all

and then she yelled at me for not doing her threading, and to make sure i do it before dad gets home.

haha and here i am.. i havent done any threading epilating or anything in like ages cuz i've barely moved out of bed or off the couch for the past two weeks... and i'm seeing the mister tomorrow so i told him to bring my tweezers with him.

Yeah, my mom tells me to shut up.

And that's okay, 'cause you've been sick.
Hey, is there such a thing as a facial epilator?

[Salika]

Originally Posted by Timbit

Yeah, my mom tells me to shut up.

And that's okay, 'cause you've been sick.
Hey, is there such a thing as a facial epilator?

There's this: Amazon.com: Emjoi AP-9L Epi Slim Cosmetic Hair Remover: Health & Personal Care

I bought it for touch ups and sensitive areas. I tried it on my face once because I was curious and it didn't hurt but I don't use it for my face. I got it at walgreens.

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by Salika

There's this: Amazon.com: Emjoi AP-9L Epi Slim Cosmetic Hair Remover: Health & Personal Care

I bought it for touch ups and sensitive areas. I tried it on my face once because I was curious and it didn't hurt but I don't use it for my face. I got it at walgreens.

Cool. Thanks!
I'm just wondering for when I go to Pakistan/India.

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

I'm trying to find a friend's sister a husband..the next time i hear ''if my mum isn't happy I'm not happy'' i'm going to smack them repeatedly in their face, and then smack it on the corner of a table.

[Shivermetimbers]

Originally Posted by Timbit

Sure, she would seek this concession. To avoid conflict about food while waiting to get divorced. It's not a solution though. If he's abusive, he's going to find things to be abusive about.

It can and generally is the solution for that particular problem. And noone's saying he's going to stop being abusive, or that the relationship will magically transform; just that in this one particular matter she can breathe a little easier. However temporary that relief might be.

This is an option, yes, but not for the longterm.

If the woman wants to stay in this marriage, then in the longterm, it'll most probably be her solution to avoid conflict in that arena . If she plans on getting a divorce, then there's no reason why she can't take advantage of that concession as long as she's still cooking his meals for him.

It's our job as a community to provide the feasible alternatives, so women don't have to stay in crappy, violent situations.

Yes, it is our duty. And iA, in the near future we can work towards making that a reality.

But no matter what kind of alternatives are available, a lot of women will still choose to remain in those relationships, however abusive they may be. Everyone differs on their version of constitutes a better life, and we can't shove our version down their throats. Some women might see living with a "mildly" abusive spouse who provides well for both her and their children as a better alternative to being a single mother struggling to make ends meet. The solution for these women (as they see it) isn't damage prevention, it's damage control. And just as it is our responsiblity to provide alternatives for women who choose to get out of abusive relatiobships, it is also our responsiblity to provide and help reinforce methods of damage control, which could ultimately lead to complete prevention, such as counselling for both partners.

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by zzze

assalamu alaykum

I'm trying to find a friend's sister a husband..the next time i hear ''if my mum isn't happy I'm not happy'' i'm going to smack them repeatedly in their face, and then smack it on the corner of a table.

But... it's important for your parents to be happy with your choice in marriage partner.

[farah]

okay, i know we're over it, but i just wanted to point out one thing...

one of the biggest criticism leveled against (particularly international) feminist movements is their tendency to decide that they know what is best for the victim in a situation, without giving much thought to the social and cultural context in which the situation is occurring. i think it's important to remember the role of a counselor or scholar is not manipulative. you show the person you're counseling the options they have, but ultimately the decision to leave or stay has to be their own.

for anyone who works in situations dealing with domestic violence, i know it can be an extremely difficult thing to bear, especially when you see the same woman continue to go back to her husband again and again regardless of how much he abuses her. that decision to finally leave him, however, is personal and i think it's extremely vital that each person makes such a decision on their own...

k, i'm done and i'll shut up now, thanks

[fatima]

Originally Posted by spicyhijabi

So my nephew who isn't even two mind you doesn't want to read 'baby books'.
He wont read Clifford or goodnight moon. Instead he wants to read The New York Times, National Geographic and The Ghost of King Leopold...

mashallah thats so awesome! and cute

[sally]

Does anyone know the effectiveness or success rate of counseling sought out by couples with abuse issues? Like moderate to extreme abuse issues?

[zzze]

assalamu alaykum

Originally Posted by Timbit

But... it's important for your parents to be happy with your choice in marriage partner.

lol, i know that too well. However, to mention something like

''mybe religious who prays nammaz (salah)
and whos into the family value stuff u know takeing care of the inlaws and stuf''

and mentions his mother in the first sentence...hmmm! I think I shall start growing and nurturing ''men'' for the next generation of women (like a little farm), cos honestly there's some sort of regression going on (or perhaps I'm just seeing it).

I'm only half kidding, the ideal is the last person an individual meets, right?! Insha Allah I'll get the reward for setting her up