[foozball]

Originally Posted by Salika

Thanks guys. You guys have such cute stories masha'Allah I guess it'll just take some getting used to. Alhamdulillah he doesn't seem me as some kind of leech or that I'm obligated to give back in that sense (especially when I'm in school). He really just sees it as his responsibility. Then again, there are a lot of things he won't have to worry about it when he's working, like stuff that I'm take care of.

He is a bit more a traditional mindset in terms of splitting roles (though he's cool with me working as long as it doesn't interfere with the family life, he did want a wife with higher education). For example, he prefers that even when I do work, I'd be home before him, especially when we have kids. I can't blame him. But by the time I finish school we'll probably start starting a family anyway... once I get used to have having a rug rat, I can work part time or from home or volunteer in the community insha'Allah then when they get older I can expand.

And I think my dad is weirded out too that someone is going to be paying for his daughter. He was like ... you know I'll still support you, haha.

Honestly I think it becomes more of an issue when you are used to a much higher standard of living than he ever thought he would be providing. For instance, if you think it's totally normal to get manis/pedis every month and buy a $250 purse, and he cannot comprehend why any of that would be necessary or justified... then you have issues. Or even if he thinks a used Honda is just dandy and you've only had brand new cars, etc. Typically if you are both used to a similar standard of living that can be provided for, it makes it easier.

[Salika]

Originally Posted by Timbit

But then he can see the pricetag on everything that you buy.
I wouldn't want my husband to yell at me when I buy really expensive things.

But if you're working, he can't stop you from opening your own account and I don't see why he'd be against it if you're working. And if he opens it for you, he'd probably still have access to it

[Timbit]

Pfffftttt. I can open my own account. And if he didn't want me to have one, then I'd have to wonder why. Not that I'd deny him access to it.
Yeah, I think it's something that should be discussed before marriage.


Afra: Sister, why aren't you fasting?

[Asvi]

yea..we have our separate accounts and i like it this way. i dont want him to see what i buy anyway.

[Salika]

Originally Posted by foozball

Honestly I think it becomes more of an issue when you are used to a much higher standard of living than he ever thought he would be providing. For instance, if you think it's totally normal to get manis/pedis every month and buy a $250 purse, and he cannot comprehend why any of that would be necessary or justified... then you have issues. Or even if he thinks a used Honda is just dandy and you've only had brand new cars, etc. Typically if you are both used to a similar standard of living that can be provided for, it makes it easier.

That's a good point. Our families are from similar backgrounds but alhamdulilah my parents taught me good spending habits and he spends really similar to me and neither of us spend particularly extravagantly and even if I did, I certainly recognize that we're starting out and all that ....

I just feel weird he was even paying for basics like medical bills, ya know? Like I might need a minor surgery in a few months. We just got married and now he's paying for a surgery... ya know? I mean in the past I considered a guy getting a wife and yay, he gets a companion and although I knew in the back of my head that he'll probably pay for more bills just because that's often how things work out, I kind of feeling he's getting a companion.. with strings attached... I hope I'm making sense.

[afrakabob]

Originally Posted by Timbit

Afra: Sister, why aren't you fasting?

because i'm breastfeeding! DUH

Originally Posted by Asvi

yea..we have our separate accounts and i like it this way. i dont want him to see what i buy anyway.

in one of my classes, they said that couples who share a bank account report higher marital satisfaction. but you seem to be very happily married, so whatever. mA

[Sugarcore]

lol, reminds me of this conversation I had yesterday...

Friend #1 = Muslim
Friend #2 = Non-Muslim

Friend #1: [Sugarcore], are you fasting?
Me: Yeah
Friend #1: Oh...
Friend #2: YO GUY, why are you asking her such personal questions?
Me: Huh?
Friend #2: What if she CAN'T fast because of...
Friend #1: Oh, sorry!
Me: What? No, it's fine... we're all girls anyways!
Friend #1: YEAH MAN, [to friend #2] what's your problem?!

[Timbit]

Maybe you can share one and then have your own too.
Like, maybe sometimes I do want to buy a 250 dollar purse.

[foozball]

Originally Posted by Salika

That's a good point. Our families are from similar backgrounds but alhamdulilah my parents taught me good spending habits and he spends really similar to me and neither of us spend particularly extravagantly and even if I did, I certainly recognize that we're starting out and all that ....

I just feel weird he was even paying for basics like medical bills, ya know? Like I might need a minor surgery in a few months. We just got married and now he's paying for a surgery... ya know? I mean in the past I considered a guy getting a wife and yay, he gets a companion and although I knew in the back of my head that he'll probably pay for more bills just because that's often how things work out, I kind of feeling he's getting a companion.. with strings attached... I hope I'm making sense.

Whenever my husband complains about how much something is, I tell him he'll get over it when I'm in labor. Then he started upping the number of kids he expects.

[Salika]

Originally Posted by Timbit

Maybe you can share one and then have your own too.
Like, maybe sometimes I do want to buy a 250 dollar purse.

I think that works. Then bwahahaha you can buy all the gifts for him and $250 purses you want!

[foozball]

Originally Posted by Timbit

Maybe you can share one and then have your own too.
Like, maybe sometimes I do want to buy a 250 dollar purse.

just to keep it really fair, you should ask that he deposit money in to your secret account too.

[Asvi]

Originally Posted by afrakabob

because i'm breastfeeding! DUH


in one of my classes, they said that couples who share a bank account report higher marital satisfaction. but you seem to be very happily married, so whatever. mA

hahahhaha afra...you're hilarious!

thats..interesting.. i've never heard of that.. but yea.. Alhumdulilah .

[Salika]

Originally Posted by foozball

Whenever my husband complains about how much something is, I tell him he'll get over it when I'm in labor. Then he started upping the number of kids he expects.

Hahaha when me and my husband and I went to the court house to get our marriage certificate, the security guy could tell we were on our way to get legally married (by the way I was hopping out of excitement, I ran straight through the security thingy before I was supposed to and the guy was like "look you can tell she's getting married, she's so excited.. anyways) and he was like "so many kids you guys wanna have?" and my husband was like "12!" and I was like "what, that's it?!" hahaha

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by Salika

I think that works. Then bwahahaha you can buy all the gifts for him and $250 purses you want!

Hellz yeah!

































Okay, I have never in my life bought a 250 dollar purse (or even shoes). But maybe I would if I could afford to.

Usually, with my parents, when they ask how much something I bought was, I knock the price down a little. Not that they ask that often and not that I spend extravagantly (uh, I can't afford to; I'm a poor, starving student) but they have different ideas of how much things should cost. But it's not like they're gonna ask for a receipt or open my Visa statement, you know?