The Parenting Thread

[zakk]

I think the most important thing to realize is that Allah swt never places more on you than you can bear.

Also, it's good to have a supportive spouse. It's also good to realize that sometimes you have to depend on your own sense of self for emotional stability. Because not all spouses are going to be supportive 100% of the time, but kids are going to need you to be somewhat emotionally stable (or at least to have the appearance of being so) 100% of the time.... so it helps to be able to center your own self, or at least to have friends who can sympathize with your issues.

Also, I think you kind of have to get over yourself when you become a parent... like by all means you can dress cute and care about your appearance, but sometimes it just won't matter to you. And if it does, then you will need to make an extra effort to fit it all in. And you can actually do it. And if you THINK you can't, it's your own fault and not your kid's.

[AishaMysha]

As someone who never really put any thought into babies or planned one, I think it's not as scary as you might think it to be.

The first time I ever changed a diaper in my life was in my daughter's incubator...and she peed all over the incubator while I tried doing it. I was embarrassed and the nurse did roll her eyes, but so what...it was my first time.

I didn't know how to hold her either when she was born. and you know who taught me...my husband. He was the one trying to calm her down and baby talking to her while the nurse tried to get me comfortable. i will never forget that moment because i was in awe at how easily he adapted into fatherhood, and my love for him grew ten times more on that day.

Okay my baby is up, so I'll continue this later.

[Shivermetimbers]

AishaMysha said

As someone who never really put any thought into babies or planned one, I think it's not as scary as you might think it to be.

The first time I ever changed a diaper in my life was in my daughter's incubator...and she peed all over the incubator while I tried doing it. I was embarrassed and the nurse did roll her eyes, but so what...it was my first time.

I didn't know how to hold her either when she was born. and you know who taught me...my husband. He was the one trying to calm her down and baby talking to her while the nurse tried to get me comfortable. i will never forget that moment because i was in awe at how easily he adapted into fatherhood, and my love for him grew ten times more on that day.

Okay my baby is up, so I'll continue this later.

awww. Did the nurse really roll her eyes??

it's almost date night and I look super cute. MashaAllah me

[Tanasi]

I'm glad that I'd held enough babies before I had my first one that I wasn't scared, but I was awed to the point I was actually trembling the first time I held her.

Changing the diapers was another story. Yeah I could change them but I gagged when changing the poopy ones. This from someone who has been around livestock- and the resulting manure- all her life.

I was a single mom, and it was very hard because while I had my family to help me, I had no husband to love me and be a father to my child. I don't think many people realize just how important that is for both the mother and the child's well-being. And since many men will not raise a child not their own or love said child equally to their own, being a single parent makes finding a spouse much harder because the man isn't just marrying you, he's marrying you with kid(s). Some guys can't or won't handle that.

Then there's how his family will treat your child(ren). My ex's mother, older sister, and some of his cousins weren't very nice to my oldest child and they spoiled the first child I had with him specifically to hurt my oldest one, letting her know that she wasn't as "good" as her sister. It caused hurts that took a long time to get over no matter how hard I tried to shield her from it.

There's a reason that God designed marriage, and it is for the best benefit of women and children. An honest, sober, hard-working, and gentle man is a sanctuary for his wife and children. His wife has security and support so that she can have peace and happiness, and his children have the peace of a stable, loving home.

[Shivermetimbers]

the babies are going on their first plane ride, inshaAllah. any travel tips and tricks?

[AishaMysha]

yeah, likewise. tips welcomed.

although im still in the process of convincing my dad that a 5-6 month old baby is fit enough to take a plane ride. he's afraid of swine flu and all.

[Faithy]

We're flying soon as well! It's not our first time but I'm still scared 'cause it's gonna be a LONG flight. almost 20 hours Some things I learned over the years:

Let your travel agent know you're travelling with a baby and try to book a bassinet (bulkhead) seat. They are SO useful. More leg room as well.

Umbrella strollers! When we were coming back from Pakistan my babies were tiny but still it was SO tiring holding them for such a looong time. waiting in queues sucks. Most airlines allow lightweight, collapsible strollers.

Ditch the diaper bag and instead take a diaper backpack (or any large backpack) as carry-on.. make sure it meets airline requirements. It's much much easier since your hands will probably be otherwise occupied.

Depends on how long you'll be flying for, but I usually take 3 spare outfits each for the kids. You never know if you'll miss your connecting flight and be stuck at the airport for a LONG time (I hope not.. it's the worst). and diapers, lots of diapers. and plastic bags for the diapers or soiled clothes.

During take-off and landing, give the babies something to suck on to relieve ear pressure. I usually give them a bottle or pacifier. I packed some lollipops for my toddler. Our pediatrician told me if the kids are fussy, give them some tylenol.

Don't forget snacks. and sippy cups.

hmm.. that's all I can think of for now. I'm just worried about the milk. Don't know if the airline I'm travelling with provides milk or not.. gotta look into that!!

Shivermetimbers said

aameen. i loved that diaper bag so much we also lose pacifiers like no tomorrow. hey, i think i read somewhere that you have twins too?

lol I remember when I lost my kids pacifiers in pakistan and they wouldn't go to sleep without them Yeah mash'Allah my babies are a year old now!!

[onetspvanilla]

i've travelled with my son lots of times since he was really young, and honestly it's soooo much easier the younger they are. once they get mobile, it's a pain to keep them seated and entertained for however many hours you're in the air.
we always used a sling or a ergo/beco baby carrier to go through security, it was less cumbersome then a stroller and gives you two hands free. definitely nurse/bottle/sippy cup for take off and landing. i bring lots of quiet toys/books that he hasn't seen before and use them once he gets fussy. and if that doesn't work, we break out the portable dvd player and that usually fixes things. and lots of snacks! i usually have 2-3 ziplocks of different stuff like gerber puffs or cheerios. we've been lucky that he's always nursed to sleep and napped for almost half of every flight, i think the white noise from the engine really helps, i don't know what i'll do once he gives up his naps!

[ChotooMotoo]

If you're traveling alone with an infant (less than a year old still in the infant car sea) it's very nice to get the infant their own seat. I know it's more expensive and all, but it's really nice to have a place to put your kid so you can sleep on the plane without worrying if they will fall out. It's also nice so you can have your hands free to do things like... mix a bottle (now that they aren't allowing liquids through security, and the milk available in the airport is usually 2% or non-fat) etc.

[Bruinrab]

If the kids have had benadryl before (just to make sure they don't have a paradoxical hyperactive reaction), a small dose at the beginning of a long flight can work wonders. The pre-test is key, if they have a paradoxical reaction, they'll be worse than they normally would be.

[ChotooMotoo]

Bruinrab said

If the kids have had benadryl before (just to make sure they don't have a paradoxical hyperactive reaction), a small dose at the beginning of a long flight can work wonders. The pre-test is key, if they have a paradoxical reaction, they'll be worse than they normally would be.

interestingly enough, I actually had to do that with my daughter when I took her back home, but for real allergy reasons, not cuz I was trying to put her to sleep

[IbnMardhiyah]

ChotooMotoo said

interestingly enough, I actually had to do that with my daughter when I took her back home, but for real allergy reasons, not cuz I was trying to put her to sleep

There's this never-ending-story part of my life where I'm always the last one to find out that someone's married or is married w/ kids. And its not like I find out a few days or weeks or months later, its like, centuries later. And its even worse in public, because a buddy I havent seen in a bazillion eons has a kid next to him and I'm like hey heyyy dude I didnt know you had a baby brother / sister! And then he gives me a weird look, turns to some girl standing next to him and then when he sees my puzzled look, he tells me really slowly that its his child. And then I just blurt out "oh wow when did you get married?" and then his wife looks at him all weird like who the hell do you hang out with? and in my head I'm like, oh shoot, this kis is about five years old, plus nine months, plus a few months of running around, holy crap I was sleeping for the past six years or what? just a few days ago it happened on facebook, i found out one friend was married to the sister of an old highschool buddy and i had no clue it was like I was one of the companions of the cave or something everyone just looks at me like I'm some freak curiosity and i cant figure out why everyone's staring or laughing at me

[foozball]

please DONT change your kid's nasty diaper in the middle on the plane right where you are seated. Please go to the bathroom or something. Some people are nauseous enough on a plane and whether **** comes from a cute baby or a grown man - I don't want to smell it.

[ChotooMotoo]

foozball said

please DONT change your kid's nasty diaper in the middle on the plane right where you are seated. Please go to the bathroom or something. Some people are nauseous enough on a plane and whether **** comes from a cute baby or a grown man - I don't want to smell it.

ewww!!! who does that, and how is it even possible???? The bathroom at the rear of the plane has a baby changing station, so much easier than trying to change a kid in their seat

[foozball]

ChotooMotoo said

ewww!!! who does that, and how is it even possible???? The bathroom at the rear of the plane has a baby changing station, so much easier than trying to change a kid in their seat

i sat 2 rows behind a couple with twins that decided to change both diapers right there. 2 nasty diapers... 2 rows ahead. it was disgusting. fortunately the flight attendant sprayed some air neutralizer stuff. it was horrendous.