Pushy Parents!

[clarity_muslimah]

What dya do with them?!

I'm a teen who's only beginning to establish her 'hippy' self. I like to sit there and read books and watch news and sometimes do nothing. But my mum does my head in 24/7. It's like I HAVE to eat, breathe, sleep my studies. It's absolute madness, and then it turns spiteful. I've been told that if I don't get the grades she expects of me I can no longer stay in this house. SHE CAN'T DO THAT!
I mean, I can't even tell if she's joking or not.

I've even kept my interests that are more artsy like performing arts, arts awards stuff on the lowdown because 'if it isn't academic, then don't do it!'
I'm not doing the things I want to do and it's really depressing because if I dont do all the fun/hobby stuff now then I won't have the time later on cuz after this year everything is gonna be super hectic. Also, it's not like I'm completely ditching my education, I do take an interest in ALL of my studies and have always believed that the way for me to be successful is to juggle academia and potential/useful interests in a healthy routine! (ok well apart from languages, but that don't matter)
but I want to grab the extra curricular opportunities out there too. Sometimes I never do though because I know it'll be seen as a hassle for my not-so-understanding family and I'll just be refused permission.

I'm supposed to get A*s in my sciences and math. I don't think that's possible, and if that ain't possible, then I don't qualify for 'THE' path that she's planning on for me to take. and if I don't qualify, then that leaves me in the middle of nowhere!

I'm not bad at my sciences, I'm at a 'B'-ish grade, and I can't really improve on that because the chances have been taken. A 'B' isn't good enough. I'm not happy about it either because it was my fault for not revising enough.

They always have something about me to shake their heads in disapproval (I'm talking about 5/6 times a day, it's often in the form of shouting/screaming too) and to be quite frank, it's getting to me because I'm gettin scared of not achieving that they want me to and I'm worried about ending up with a crappy job with a boring life and I don't wanna end up suffering from depression at this age, because then I definitely won't be getting anywhere lol
I'm at a crucial and very delicate stage in my life right now and if the process screws up or is hindered at all, then I'll probably stay messed up for the rest of the years to come

Other times I like to think about my future and I am 100% SERIOUS about my future. I weigh the pros and cons for particular possibilities all the time.
I'm not some ditzy teenage girl who wants to become an actress, singer, fashion designer and win five oscars. Naa uh, thinkin about the futute has practically been drummed into my head by dear mother so it's quite literally impossible to not worry about realistic future education plans and about feasible jobs after getting a degree..

But I have a family that's really adamant in me doing something medicine-related.

I'm sorry, but I'd rather see myself doing something humanities-related.

[wheelworks]

clarity_muslimah said

But I have a family that's really adamant in me doing something medicine-related.

I'm sorry, but I'd rather see myself doing something humanities-related.

Given Desi's obsession with the medical career I'm surprised that there isn't too much doctors to meet demand

[Sabr_wa_Shukr]

You need to have a sit-down w/ your parents. And if you can't by yourself, you need to add someone to the conversation who you and your parents will accept.

But either way, a sit-down is definitely needed. I'm going to resist saying anything myself, b/c these kind of situations always need both sides to be heard before jumping to conclusions.

I feel ya though

[ChotooMotoo]

Say shukr that your parents pay attention and care about you and your future. There are parents out there who neglect their children, could care less about grades, whether or not their child attends school, and some parents won't even sign report cards etc. because they just can't be bothered.

[smrtengineer]

hm. that sucks. if you do humanities you should still have a direction. its possible they fear that if you do humanities that you be directionless. but that isn't necessarily the case. and you'll hafta explain them that.

sadly, many immigrant parents don't value the arts. so don't be surprised. its quite common in many many families. you'll hafta be bold, and stick to what you enjoy the most. if you enjoy it, you will excel at it.

after i did engineering, i did a teaching degree, and i did hafta hear it from my dad, about how useless, a teaching degree was. but, honestly, that 'arts' education was one of the best decisions of my life. in high school i took both histories and sciences, so it can be done. maybe just limit your sciences to like a one or two that you can handle to just appease the parents and fill the rest with arts.

also, discuss your goals with them too. tell them what you're planning and thinking.

communicate.

[fny21]

smrtengineer said

also, discuss your goals with them too. tell them what you're planning and thinking.

communicate.

yep. and trust me CM, it's really difficult

in all honesty, desi parents don't even know what career options are available aside from doctor/engineer, particularly if they're first generation. what would really help (both them AND you) is if you sat down with them and discuss career options --- and DO YOUR RESEARCH. if you're looking into a particular field, know what you need to do academically to get a decent job (grades, degrees, etc), how much such a job would pay (on average; what's the lowest salary you found? highest?), what kind of experience you need, what kind of extracurricular activities you need to do, etc etc etc. be practical.

they're parents; even though their suggestions may seem ill-advised to you, remember that they're really only doing what they think will be best for your future. like chotoo said, be grateful that they care about you enough to want the best for your future. DON'T FORGET that they want the best for you and that, in the end, they're human... they're going to make mistakes, you're not going to see eye-to-eye but there is a certain amount of comfort/appeasement they can get just by thinking that you have any idea that you actually know what you're getting into, inshaAllah

[Sabr_wa_Shukr]

smrtengineer said

hm. that sucks. if you do humanities you should still have a direction. its possible they fear that if you do humanities that you be directionless. but that isn't necessarily the case. and you'll hafta explain them that.

sadly, many immigrant parents don't value the arts. so don't be surprised. its quite common in many many families. you'll hafta be bold, and stick to what you enjoy the most. if you enjoy it, you will excel at it.

after i did engineering, i did a teaching degree, and i did hafta hear it from my dad, about how useless, a teaching degree was. but, honestly, that 'arts' education was one of the best decisions of my life. in high school i took both histories and sciences, so it can be done. maybe just limit your sciences to like a one or two that you can handle to just appease the parents and fill the rest with arts.

also, discuss your goals with them too. tell them what you're planning and thinking.

communicate.

farah said

yep. and trust me CM, it's really difficult

in all honesty, desi parents don't even know what career options are available aside from doctor/engineer, particularly if they're first generation. what would really help (both them AND you) is if you sat down with them and discuss career options --- and DO YOUR RESEARCH. if you're looking into a particular field, know what you need to do academically to get a decent job (grades, degrees, etc), how much such a job would pay (on average; what's the lowest salary you found? highest?), what kind of experience you need, what kind of extracurricular activities you need to do, etc etc etc. be practical.

they're parents; even though their suggestions may seem ill-advised to you, remember that they're really only doing what they think will be best for your future. like chotoo said, be grateful that they care about you enough to want the best for your future. DON'T FORGET that they want the best for you and that, in the end, they're human... they're going to make mistakes, you're not going to see eye-to-eye but there is a certain amount of comfort/appeasement they can get just by thinking that you have any idea that you actually know what you're getting into, inshaAllah

you two said what I was trying to say... but like... better

[clarity_muslimah]

Sabr_wa_Shukr said

You need to have a sit-down w/ your parents. And if you can't by yourself, you need to add someone to the conversation who you and your parents will accept.
But either way, a sit-down is definitely needed. I'm going to resist saying anything myself, b/c these kind of situations always need both sides to be heard before jumping to conclusions.

I feel ya though

That is unlikely, probably close to impossible. Even still, it would be futile.
They degrade me to my core when I utter anything to do with prospective careers that's not related to medicine.

farah said

yep. and trust me CM, it's really difficult

in all honesty, desi parents don't even know what career options are available aside from doctor/engineer, particularly if they're first generation. what would really help (both them AND you) is if you sat down with them and discuss career options --- and DO YOUR RESEARCH. if you're looking into a particular field, know what you need to do academically to get a decent job (grades, degrees, etc), how much such a job would pay (on average; what's the lowest salary you found? highest?), what kind of experience you need, what kind of extracurricular activities you need to do, etc etc etc. be practical.

they're parents; even though their suggestions may seem ill-advised to you, remember that they're really only doing what they think will be best for your future. like chotoo said, be grateful that they care about you enough to want the best for your future. DON'T FORGET that they want the best for you and that, in the end, they're human... they're going to make mistakes, you're not going to see eye-to-eye but there is a certain amount of comfort/appeasement they can get just by thinking that you have any idea that you actually know what you're getting into, inshaAllah

Yep I'm gonna start doing that, and call up universities and ask about common post-graduation routes that graduates opt for in some of the subjects I'm interested in.


Somebody else made a post in here that's no longer exists, well it's not just my life. When I hit my twenties I am expected to take upon the role of being the breadwinner and I can't afford to mess up with my uni course or suddenly decide to change it half way in between.
I also need to go into something that pays good and is a sturdy/feasible job because I'm not the only person that I'm gonna be supportin :P
Medicine sounds appealing in that sense because the demand is always there, and I could always move to another country (probably Muslim-friendly) where there is a steady flow of good job opportunities.

It's just a matter of how strong my interest and concentration is.

and when I mention NOT doing med, I get dissed, they make em end up convincing myself that I'm silly and naive to even suggest anythin else, to the point where I really get doubtful about choosing anything other than med. (the point at which I am now)

Blah.

[firefly]

There was a documentary on the other day about this, this kid's dad was interviewed

Boy, 8, sets A-level maths record
BBC NEWS | England | Hampshire | Boy, 8, sets A-level maths record

He got grade A for Further Maths A-level that normally you would sit at 17/18 he's 8! His brother got the same grade at 11.

He and his brother are obviously gifted but some of the things the parents say makes you just question them a bit. The parents have been defending themselves by saying the kids play and do other stuff that kids their age do but I wonder how long they spend studying every night hmm..

[clarity_muslimah]

I'm gonna fail.