[Pushpa]

In principle I've always believed that whoever is the main breadwinner, their career ought to come first. But I suppose it's difficult to generalise because every situation has different circumstances and factors affecting it. What if the wife has dependent parents and simply can't afford to not work? Shouldn't she at least have the same chance of having job satisfaction as her husband who works to support his own parents and his children?

Or, what if for any reason, the WIFE is the main breadwinner. Does the husband then have any right to be unhappy about his wife's job because she's not home enough, the housework doesn't get done, etc? Shouldn't he be a man and pitch in then and take on more household work, like have a hot dinner waiting for HER when she gets home??

(By the way this has ceased to be personal and is getting hypothetical ).

[Pushpa]

Can't a husband just be understanding of his wife's needs to be mentally fulfilled?

[Sugarberry]

Originally Posted by Ilikemyscarf

I'm not going to school for nothing.

seriously...im gonna work and be rich from my OWN money

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by Pushpa

In principle I've always believed that whoever is the main breadwinner, their career ought to come first. But I suppose it's difficult to generalise because every situation has different circumstances and factors affecting it. What if the wife has dependent parents and simply can't afford to not work? Shouldn't she at least have the same chance of having job satisfaction as her husband who works to support his own parents and his children?

Or, what if for any reason, the WIFE is the main breadwinner. Does the husband then have any right to be unhappy about his wife's job because she's not home enough, the housework doesn't get done, etc? Shouldn't he be a man and pitch in then and take on more household work, like have a hot dinner waiting for HER when she gets home??

(By the way this has ceased to be personal and is getting hypothetical ).

Yeah, he should. If one partner is working outside the home and is the primary breadwinner and the other doesn't work or works less, then they should pick up the slack at home. It's only fair. If both work full-time, then they need to share the household chores.

[serendipity_000]

Assalamu Alaikum,

Two things:

1) Just because you've talked about something before marriage, doesn't mean it will actually end up that way after marriage. So saying, "talk about it before marriage" doesn't magically guarantee that it will not be an issue later on.

2) "Ideally"...way overused and no such thing exists

There are a million career related scenarios that can arise after marriage. Put Allah first, communicate and share how you feel with each other and insh'Allah you'll both be fine.

[Bluestar]

Originally Posted by Budmano786

ideally it should be discussed before marriage since it is a pretty big issue

I don't find it a big issue though. Having been working for a while, it seems weird to not go to work just because you're getting married. I've always been able to come back from work, get all the housework done and cook dinner. It seems completely natural to go to work and being inhabited by marriage would make me feel very constricted! But then i wouldn't appreciate it if he stayed at home. It's perfectly possible for both people to work in a marriage. I wiould even argue, thats it's better, it gives you more to talk about and better for you both to socialise with different people.

Of course after kids, i wouldn't want to go to work, i'd much rather home school them and teach them how to grow vegetables in a patch and bake cookies.

[Anderson]

I wouldn't let my wife go out during the day time because she will become too dark, she has to remain atleast 2 shades higher than my own at any given time.

[Aryan_]

A lot of women today fail to realise that being a wife is a full time career. You have an employer, work to do and you get paid. It is okay for women to take out a second career, but if it's put before the wife job, it's wrong. In fact it can be considered a form of cheating. Which means your husband can replace you, or thanks to polygyny, job share.

If one of my wives ever had any crazy ideas about a career, I would lead her into the kitchen and remind her that this was her 'office space'. I may also throw in a joke that if she was good I would promote her to the bedroom.

[Pushpa]

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Assalamu Alaikum,

Two things:

1) Just because you've talked about something before marriage, doesn't mean it will actually end up that way after marriage. So saying, "talk about it before marriage" doesn't magically guarantee that it will not be an issue later on.

2) "Ideally"...way overused and no such thing exists

There are a million career related scenarios that can arise after marriage. Put Allah first, communicate and share how you feel with each other and insh'Allah you'll both be fine.

tenchar

[shadha]

Aryan: If one of my wives ever had any crazy ideas about a career, I would lead her into the kitchen and remind her that this was her 'office space'. I may also throw in a joke that if she was good I would promote her to the bedroom

LOLLLLL


shadha-

[Musashi]

Asallamu 'alaikum wa rahmatulLahi wa barakatuh

What I will never understand is why so many people think all kids are the same and all of them need to have a parent in the house.

I am one of the kids who grew up with both parents working, so I didn't see my parents until like, five PM. I'd spend most of my day with the maid or at school.

I didn't really care. Whatever, man. Best to both work so you can support the kids rather than just spend time with them while you're all starving, right? >>;

Maids or babysitters or grandparents or whoever can watch the kids while you're gone.

Don't be all sentimental about it. It won't harm the kids to go without their parents most of the day, so long as they're still there at the end of the night to tuck ya in. Or as they're leaving for their graveyard shift.

[Sugarberry]

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Assalamu Alaikum,

Two things:

1) Just because you've talked about something before marriage, doesn't mean it will actually end up that way after marriage. So saying, "talk about it before marriage" doesn't magically guarantee that it will not be an issue later on.

2) "Ideally"...way overused and no such thing exists

There are a million career related scenarios that can arise after marriage. Put Allah first, communicate and share how you feel with each other and insh'Allah you'll both be fine.

Thats a great post...but If me and my husband agree on something important like my career/me working/childcare etc...before marriage...you betta believe im gonna hold him to it after marriage...important stuff like that should be really put in a contract/or discussed in detail so he knows its something thats important to you....and not something that should be taken lightly.

[gmk]

Originally Posted by Sugarberry

Thats a great post...but If me and my husband agree on something important like my career/me working/childcare etc...before marriage...you betta believe im gonna hold him to it after marriage...important stuff like that should be really put in a contract/or discussed in detail so he knows its something thats important to you....and not something that should be taken lightly.

Agreed. My friend had her 8-page marriage contract notarized. Damn right!

[shadha]

Lol and here I was thinking my 5-page marriage contract is too long.

Mine is actually only that long due to the fonts and spacing I used.


shadha-

[wheelworks]

Originally Posted by Sugarberry

seriously...im gonna work and be rich from my OWN money

Seriously...start a company. Then getting rich from your OWN money from your OWN company will be more fulfilling