[sally]

Last weekend I attended a lecture at my local mosque in Urdu. The speaker was a man whom many would consider 'conservative'. He spoke extensively about the rights of women and how they should be treated by men.

After the lecture, refreshments were served. The many many South Asian women who had been looking forward to this lecture all month (there were flyers distributed that said he'd speak in Urdu and that doesn't happen very often at all here, so everyone was excited) were surprisingly not very interested in the food (wow!) but rather began to discuss the lecture they'd just heard.

I wanted nothing more than to go home at that point for other reasons (it was late and cold, etc), but as I was eating with a few friends I began to hear things like, "Whatever is wrong with OUR men? They treat us nothing like we should be treated, like (the speaker) spoke about the treatment of women in Islam, etc"

I actually started to get annoyed by the kinds of things I began to hear. It was almost as if the speaker had given all the women in the room a license to begin complaining about their husbands. I've never really found a speech to have caused so much reaction, especially by a South Asian uncle, especially in a mosque setting, and especially because well, to be frank, I didn't find him to be much of a strong speaker...at all.

Apparently that didn't matter because the room was pretty loud and the women were extremely worked up. Also, the Mosque isn't segregated so everybody was eating in the same room meaning the men of these women were probably present and pretty aware of the content of the conversations a table or two down their own.

I realize that there're some women, well, some people who always need a reason to complain about something or the other. These are people who will never be satisfied or content in their lives. Ever.

But there are others who don't necessarily complain for a living and there're plenty of them. And so if you were to try and pinpoint where their complaints were stemming from, you would more than often find a valid reason. And there's usually something someone else is doing that's causing such a strong reaction. Unfortunately, often the valid complainers are repressed by the annoying and dissatisfied population. Maybe this is because the manner in which the valid complainers are complaining isn't the best approach, but does that render their point useless? No.

So anyway, my point is that I felt bad for the women who were probably actually hurting but as a whole, I found them all to be extremely annoying.

Like whenever somebody goes overboard with talk of the Feminazi movement, or even so much as brings up Feminism, my reaction is basically like, oh please, not again.

Until I sometimes really think about all the women who were actually troubled by the manner in which they were being treated by their husbands. Not being appreciated for the things they did for him and his kids. Not really recieving any of their rights aside from the financial ones. And obviously, that's not good. But what's even worse is that those who were looking for drama (the bra burning type) probably started to take advantage of this opportunity and ended up painting it with their own agendas.

So it's annoying that no one ever thinks about the males who contributed to this outrage in the past, and who contribute to it to this day..all the males who have failed and have been failing and continue to fail in their roles as REAL MEN. real men who appreciate real women for who they are and the things they do for them.

Like really, no one's fishing for compliments OR out to downtalk males. It just is what it is. Yes, there're people who blow things out of proportion (stereotypically, women) and yes we can be moody but so are men. And men can contribute to fitnah as much as women do. By fitnah I mean the kind of uproar that I witnessed at the lecture. The root cause behind such uproar, rather. So yeah, it takes two.

If, as a woman, I'm going to readily acknowledge and accept that yes, people from my very own gender are capable of being dramatic then it would be really nice if once in a while, when feminism is brought up, that real men would step up and say something like, "hey, maybe as real men, we should look at ourselves and see if there's something that's wrong or lacking on our part that's causing so much chaos for women", etc.

Nobody is stuffing all the wrongdoing of a few loser men into a bag and handing them over to you guys and asking you to bear the burden for their offenses. The aim of this isn't to get out an apology on the behalf of another man. It's just a reality check for us all. Both men and women are capable of being disrespectful, stupid, etc. It's just that it seems as if women are constantly reminded of their potential to stray from the epitome of niceness, while men are clearly not.

[Aida]

that was long .

But, yeah, in general it takes two. Certain women have very high expectations and certain men don't treat women like they're even human. A good balance would be nice . Of course that only exists in utopia, heh.

On a slightly related note, feminism in its original form isn't meant to be a bad thing. It just gets blown out of proportion at times and hence negative reactions occur every time we hear the term "feminist". It's almost become a reflex now, sadly.

[Timbit]

You're all over the place seriously. How do you think women are at fault again?

[serendipity_000]

Assalamu Alaikum,

I once went to a lecture in which the women were reminded exactly why there would an abundance of women in the hellfire.

The speaker (a woman) then went on to say that the success or failure of a marriage was entirely up to the woman (of course save for issues of abuse etc).

She said that women always have to be, "the bigger person" and will always have to carry a greater burden that their husbands. She said men hate nags and that a woman who is pleasant and pays greater attention to her Islamic character will always have a happier marriage.

She said that women bellyache about their men glancing at other women and not buying them things and complain endlessly, nag etc without remembering that all we can control is ourselves and if we stick to what is expected of us Islamically, we are much happier because we expect less and give more. She said that we should work on improving ourselves, because we have to answer for ourselves on the Day of Judgement.

I forgot my point, but basically:

Narrated Ibn ‘Abbâs and Anas bin Mâlik: Allah’s Messenger said, “If a son of man had a valley full of gold, he would desire to have two. Nothing can fill his mouth except the earth (of the grave). Allah turns with mercy to him who turns to Him in repentance.” (Al-Bukhâri and Muslim)

[Aida]

Originally Posted by serendipity_000

Assalamu Alaikum,

She said men hate nags and that a woman who is pleasant and pays greater attention to her Islamic character will always have a happier marriage.

She said that we should work on improving ourselves, because we have to answer for ourselves on the Day of Judgement.

Waliykum as'salam.

That's a valid point she has there. However, I would think that everyone, regardless of gender, should work towards bettering their character in accordance to Islam. Women are made of flesh just like men so they too have times when they lose patience and etc...

Ah wait, I'm getting ahead of myself. The lecture topic was women so I suppose that's why she spoke only about women bettering themselves. If that's the case then ignore my post.

[zakk]

Implementation of anything begins with our own practice and patience. Whether we are male or female. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Don't curse the darkness, light a candle in it. etc.

[PhDGirl]

It's a bit all over the place, but what is feminazism anyway?

[Revert]

Originally Posted by PhDGirl

It's a bit all over the place, but what is feminazism anyway?

desi goldiggers?

[GOTFIVEONIT]

if women were wondering what happend to their rights that urdu scholor mentioned, its because your flag waving desi culture doesnt give it to them. you know why? because most of it is hindu culture that's why. and the first time i wrote about this, zakk and the other flag wavers jumped all over me about it, because i called desi culture as nothing more than hindu culture. and as far as wives complaining about not being appreciated, i mean come on, women all over the world complain about that, its not just urdu speaking desi women.

[MossadConspiracy]

Originally Posted by zakk

Implementation of anything begins with our own practice and patience. Whether we are male or female. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Don't curse the darkness, light a candle in it. etc.

i know but it takes alot of contacts and capital to have your own practice and patients

[Aryan_]

I think the second option of your poll would be a lot more popular if it was somehow enforceable.