Cracked Out Real Life Conversations

[Spice]

Originally Posted by IbnMardhiyah

That's mamoo, not mama.

They're the same thing, used interchangeably

Also, if you're confusing the desi term 'mama' with the english term 'mama', then you should be worrying about other things

[Timbit]

Watching my dad's friend's wedding video (he's my dad's age and just married a 24/25-year-old; he wanted to be all polygynous but his first wife (who was actually his second) left him)...

Me: Wow, she's so pretty.
Mom: Yes, she is.
Me: Does this girl have parents though?
Mom:
Dad: Yes. Yes, she does.
Me: Alive ones?
Mom:
Dad: Yes. They're both alive and well. They're going to be in the video, watch.
Me: So what were they thinking? Do they know about his divorce?
Dad: I think so.
Me: Both his divorces?
Dad: I don't know.
Me: Do they know about his kids?
Dad: I don't know. I didn't ask him.
Me: Why? You should have. I don't get it. Did she just want to come to Canada?
Mom: Chup kar.
Me: Oh, look... you can see his bald spot.


Ahahahha. I'm a horrible person.

[caffienetime]

Originally Posted by Aida

I teach at an islamic school,the biggest diss that the kids could come up with is "you're not muslim". And then the complaints rain in, "teacher, teacher, he said I'm not Muslim" .

OMG! dude, when i used to teach, the biggest diss was, "you hate Allah" and the lil thingies would come up to me and be like, "she/he said that i hate Allah "

[Timbit]

Watching the same wedding video again (uh, my family watches wedding videos a gazillion times...over and over and over again, until the next wedding)...

Little Bro: Does anybody else feel this is wrong?!
Me: What's wrong?
Bro: She's like 20 and he's like 50!
Me: Okay, she's not twenty. She's 25. Big difference. And he's not 50, okay? He's more like 45.
Bro: Still, that's 20 years!
Me: So? If they're happy, then that's great for them. What's your problem with it?
Dad: Exactly.
Mom: Wow, you changed your opinion since yesterday.
Me:

[shadha]

Loser: no
Loser: sorry

Shadha Abdulaziz-Afayee:ahhhh
Shadha Abdulaziz-Afayee: why

Loser: LOL
Loser: because i don't play those sort of games
Loser: ethics
Loser: sorry

Shadha Abdulaziz-Afayee: ethics? aren't you a lawyer?
Shadha Abdulaziz-Afayee: LOLLLL...jk

Loser: LOL
Loser: LMAO
Loser: indeed
Loser: unfortunately
Loser: I'm not a criminal defence or ambulance chaser

Shadha Abdulaziz-Afayee: LOL


shadha-

[LEGALEAGLE]

Originally Posted by shadha

Loser: no
Loser: sorry

Shadha Abdulaziz-Afayee:ahhhh
Shadha Abdulaziz-Afayee: why

Loser: LOL
Loser: because i don't play those sort of games
Loser: ethics
Loser: sorry

Shadha Abdulaziz-Afayee: ethics? aren't you a lawyer?
Shadha Abdulaziz-Afayee: LOLLLL...jk

Loser: LOL
Loser: LMAO
Loser: indeed
Loser: unfortunately
Loser: I'm not a criminal defence or ambulance chaser

Shadha Abdulaziz-Afayee: LOL


shadha-

you are sooo dead...

[flutterz]

1)so i was missing pluto for some reason, or rather it's planetry status... then i was asked to list the planets in order...

:mercury, venus, earth, mars, jupiter, saturn, uranus, neptune...
: hey, you said a bad word
: oops, my bad. lemme try again... mercury, venus, earth, mars, jupiter, saturn, YOURBUTTHOLE, neptune, pluto.
: hahahahahaha

2)on not drinking enough water at work:

:did you finish you kleen kanteen?
: no.
:why not?
:cuz i had water in other ways...
:like what?
:well, i ran to the water fountain multiple times during work and then at breaktime, i had tostitoes with salsa which is like 50% water, fruit jelly which is like 85% water, and a frosted chocolate donut which is like 100% water...
:a frosted chocolate donut is NOT 100% water!
:it's not???

3)is the glass half-full of whole milk or skim milk?

:so maybe we can get you to go from whole milk to 2%...
then from 2% to 1%
and then from 1% to skim milk.
:then from skim milk to water...
and from water to air...
and from air to nothing!
i don't like your plan.

(yes, skim milk does taste like water to me. i think it's the perfect buddy to fudge brownies and multiple layered chocolate cakes and chocolate chunk cookies and maybe dates but that's about it. and yes, i (used to) drink whole milk and refuse(d) to go lighter. and i finally did go down to 2% but my way of compromise included addition of chocolate syrup to the 2% milk... )

[LEGALEAGLE]

Originally Posted by flutterz

1)so i was missing pluto for some reason, or rather it's planetry status... then i was asked to list the planets in order...

mercury, venus, earth, mars, jupiter, saturn, uranus, neptune...
hey, you said a bad word
oops, my bad. lemme try again... mercury, venus, earth, mars, jupiter, saturn, YOURBUTTHOLE, neptune, pluto.


2)on not drinking enough water at work:

did you finish you kleen kanteen?
no.
why not?
cuz i had water in other ways...
like what?
well, i ran to the water fountain multiple times during work and then at breaktime, i had tostitoes with salsa which is like 50% water, fruit jelly which is like 85% water, and a frosted chocolate donut which is like 100% water...
a frosted chocolate donut is NOT 100% water!
it's not???

3)is the glass half-full of whole milk or skim milk?

so maybe we can get you to go from whole milk to 2%...
then from 2% to 1%
and then from 1% to skim milk.
then from skim milk to water...
and from water to air...
and from air to nothing!
i don't like your plan.

(yes, skim milk does taste like water to me. i think it's the perfect buddy to fudge brownies and multiple layered chocolate cakes and chocolate chunk cookies and maybe dates but that's about it. and yes, i (used to) drink whole milk and refuse(d) to go lighter. and i finally did go down to 2% but my way of compromise included addition of chocolate syrup to the 2% milk... )

Sis could you please make it easier to understand who said what ?

[Blue_Phoenix]

Me: There are too many sub-genres in metal music: Thrash metal, death metal, doom metal, speed metal.... If anyone can tell me the difference between death metal and doom metal, I'll buy him a cadaver.
Musician who overheard: I can tell you the difference. Death metal is more intricate, more elaborate. Doom metal is more... (Plays air guitar) ...It's not quite as detailed, more simple, more like goth metal.
Me: Goth metal, see, there's another one.
Musician: I don't know very much about goth metal...
My friend: Better watch it, you may end up waking up with a head in your bed now.
Me: Your cadaver is in the mail. But really, I don't see why there are so many sub-genres of metal. Quit inventing sub-genres! Unless there's one called whiskey metal. I like whiskey.
Musician: Well, maybe you could invent whiskey metal.

[Timbit]

*bunch of us standing in front of a restaurant waiting for another couple of people*

Random Dude: Why don't you guys go in and have a beer?
Only Guy in the Group: Well, 'cause you know how girls get when they drink. All giggly and stuff. I don't want a bunch of drunk girls on my hands.
All of us:
Him: See what I mean? They're already so giggly. You don't want to see this bunch drunk!


It was funny 'cause... uhh... none of us drink. Muslims and all.
I guess there's no way the random guy could've known, but still...

[Saja]

I just realized that most of my posts are in this thread. ha.

My dad is retired and spends a lot of his time playing Yahoo! dominoes.

Dad: Ya binti, this is enough. Can you get me yahoo's phone number?
Me: Email them at yahoo@yahoo.com (ba dum dum dish). Seriously dad, what's up?
Dad: I've been calculating my points from the past few games and yahoo's been stealing my points. I want to talk to them so they can increase my player's rating.
Me: Baba, don't you just play dominoes for fun?
Dad: No habibti. I want my points back. Yahoo is lying and I want to play in the advanced lounge. No one will invite me because my rating is low.
Me:

A little while later.

Dad: They did it again.
Me: Did what, baba?
Dad: Now yahoo noticed that I've been winning a lot of games and they don't want me taking all of their points.
Me: So what happened?
Dad: They sent one of their robots to make me lose a few games to take their points back.
Me:

[spicyhijabi]

Originally Posted by Saja

I just realized that most of my posts are in this thread. ha.

My dad is retired and spends a lot of his time playing Yahoo! dominoes.

Dad: Ya binti, this is enough. Can you get me yahoo's phone number?
Me: Email them at yahoo@yahoo.com (ba dum dum dish). Seriously dad, what's up?
Dad: I've been calculating my points from the past few games and yahoo's been stealing my points. I want to talk to them so they can increase my player's rating.
Me: Baba, don't you just play dominoes for fun?
Dad: No habibti. I want my points back. Yahoo is lying and I want to play in the advanced lounge. No one will invite me because my rating is low.
Me:

A little while later.

Dad: They did it again.
Me: Did what, baba?
Dad: Now yahoo noticed that I've been winning a lot of games and they don't want me taking all of their points.
Me: So what happened?
Dad: They sent one of their robots to make me lose a few games to take their points back.
Me:

Haha! Thats the cutest thing.

[Aida]

One of my 1st grade students was calling me cause he had a question.

Him: Mom! Mom!
Me: Did you just call me mom?
Another student: He did! I heard him!

I literally LOLed, it was funny and cute. He just grinned saying sometimes he does that by mistake and all the other students chimed in saying how sometimes they do that too.

[afrakabob]

Friend: So... she doesnt eat shellfish.
Me: Well, is she Jewish?
Friend: Nope.
Me: What's her last name?
Friend: Hmmm.... Cohen.

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by afrakabob

Friend: So... she doesnt eat shellfish.
Me: Well, is she Jewish?
Friend: Nope.
Me: What's her last name?
Friend: Hmmm.... Cohen.

I had a dumb conversation like that the other day too, with my friend and a random kid we met (she asked him where he was from 'cause he looked so mixed and he said "I'm half-Chinese and half-Romanian. Anddddddd... I'm Jewish.")


My parents going to somebody's funeral...
Me: Who died?
Dad: Aunty _______'s nani.
Me: Whoa, her nani was still alive?
Dad: Isn't yours?
Mom: Hey, now! Don't say that! She won't be alive for long the way you keep talking about her!
Dad:
Me: I'm just saying... Aunty's nani is closer to your nani's age than my nani's age! It makes sense for my nani to be alive, but your nani isn't alive.
Dad: Our nani died before we were born. Yours is still alive.
Mom: Why do you say that like it's a bad thing?! If anything happens to her, I am fully holding you responsible.
Dad:


Yet, my dad still insists that people marrying their cousins is a good idea 'cause you'll get along better with your mother-in-law. In his defense, he says that my nani amma hits him with her cane.