Cracked Out Real Life Conversations

[muslimahpower]

ok this isnt really funny but it made me feel stupid

me, my brother, and my friend's husband were looking for a hall at a university...and before that, we spent a long time looking for parking

me: omg look! there was FREE VALET PARKING!
friend's husband: that's for the hospital
me: ohhh

i dont know what made me think a uni would have valet parking

[Timbit]

Why does a hospital have free parking? Valet, I can understand, 'cause people coming to the hospital might have mobility issues and stuff. But free valet parking? Most hospitals use parking proceeds to buy new equipment and stuff, no?


There's a male kindergarten teacher at my baby brother's school this year.

So he goes to my parents like "Mujhe bhi larke wala teacher chahiye" (I want the boy teacher).
Everybody: Kyun? (Why?)
Him: I don't like grilllssss (he says it really funny like that instead of just saying 'girls').

One time I walked in the door and he went like "Who did you come with?"
Me: By myself.
Him: With who?
Me: Nobody. Just me. On the bus.
Him: Where were you?
Me: At work.
Him: Grilllllssss don't work. Sirf larke job pe jaate hain (only boys go to work).


I think we're raising a chauvinist here.

[caffienetime]

i was on the bus and my sister got on a stop after me. i was sitting at the back of the bus at she didnt see me. so i called her and was going to mess with her and be like "what the heck are you doing" or something...but she didnt pick up. i saw the cell in her side pocket. she was facing the front of the bus so i walk up to her and take the cell outta her bookbag. all the while this old desi uncle is looking at me.

so i take the cell and go to the end of the bus and the uncle ji stares at me for a while (actually the whole bus was) and then tells my sister that id taken her cell. my sister turned around looked at me and told him that i was her sibling.

[Timbit]

My big bro's still doing the "Ask on Islamica" thing.
After sehri, we were brushing our teeth. He's looking in the mirror, notices he's looking scruffy and goes like "Is it legal for me to shave?"

Me:
Him: Islamically. Can I shave while fasting?
Me: Buddy, you're not supposed to shave ever.
Him: Go away.
Me: No, you can shave, but like... you should grow a beard.
Him: I don't want to look like a bear.
Me: You can keep it neat and trimmed, but still, you should have some facial hair.
Him: You're a useless person to talk to.
Me:
Him: You don't know anything. Ask on Islamica.

That led me to take my toothbrush into the other washroom.

Later, I told my parents to tell him to grow a beard, at least for Ramadan, and they were just like

Heh. I always have to take the conservative position in my family.

At sehri time, we were playing some naats and the brother also said "Have you ever heard a female naat singer?"
Me: Yes. You haven't?
Him: No.
Me: Well, they exist. Female qaris and naat artists.
Him: I haven't heard any. Our religion is so sexist.
Me: No, it's probably 'cause you're a man and generally, women don't sing in front of men, even at milads and stuff.
Him: Why?
Me: Because... some people are of the view that a woman shouldn't soften or beautify her voice in front of men.
Him: Those are the extremists.
Me: No, not extreme. Just orthodox.
Him: See? Sexist.
Me: I think you're just mad 'cause you can't hear enticing female voices.
Him: You're pagal. Shut up.

Then we got into an argument about what "orthodox" means exactly when it comes to Islam and whether our family is orthodox or not, with me insisting that we are and him insisting that none of us are. And with my parents just going "Shut up. We're Mussalman. Bas."

Fun times.

[caffienetime]

after chem class, my friend and i were both walking to jummah

me: i have to pee
friend: me too.
me: we will be late for jummah
friend: yeah, well atleast i have a lota
me: you have a lota?!?
friend: yeah in my bookbag!
me: you carry a lota in your bookbag?!
friend: yeah. well its a bottle i use as a lota,
me: *dissappointed* oh...
friend: it still works.

[the_wrong_guy]

Originally Posted by Timbit

My big bro's still doing the "Ask on Islamica" thing.
After sehri, we were brushing our teeth. He's looking in the mirror, notices he's looking scruffy and goes like "Is it legal for me to shave?"

Me:
Him: Islamically. Can I shave while fasting?
Me: Buddy, you're not supposed to shave ever.
Him: Go away.
Me: No, you can shave, but like... you should grow a beard.
Him: I don't want to look like a bear.
Me: You can keep it neat and trimmed, but still, you should have some facial hair.
Him: You're a useless person to talk to.
Me:
Him: You don't know anything. Ask on Islamica.

That led me to take my toothbrush into the other washroom.

Later, I told my parents to tell him to grow a beard, at least for Ramadan, and they were just like

Heh. I always have to take the conservative position in my family.

At sehri time, we were playing some naats and the brother also said "Have you ever heard a female naat singer?"
Me: Yes. You haven't?
Him: No.
Me: Well, they exist. Female qaris and naat artists.
Him: I haven't heard any. Our religion is so sexist.
Me: No, it's probably 'cause you're a man and generally, women don't sing in front of men, even at milads and stuff.
Him: Why?
Me: Because... some people are of the view that a woman shouldn't soften or beautify her voice in front of men.
Him: Those are the extremists.
Me: No, not extreme. Just orthodox.
Him: See? Sexist.
Me: I think you're just mad 'cause you can't hear enticing female voices.
Him: You're pagal. Shut up.

Then we got into an argument about what "orthodox" means exactly when it comes to Islam and whether our family is orthodox or not, with me insisting that we are and him insisting that none of us are. And with my parents just going "Shut up. We're Mussalman. Bas."

Fun times.

Our religion is so sexist

[Timbit]

Originally Posted by the_wrong_guy

Yeah, umm... my bro's a... he's not really a feminist, but... okay, we have similar views. Except maybe his are a little more liberal. The major difference is that I'll try to understand the Islamic perspective, even if I don't personally agree with it, whereas he'll just discount it outright, 'cause he doesn't think mullahs should try and tell him what to do.

[DramaRani]

I was giving my students a spelling test.

Me: Okay friends, the first word is "want". Let me use the word want in a sentence. I WANT cookies. Want. The word is want.
Student: Ms. ________, how do you spell want?
Me: This is a spelling test dear, I cannot tell you how to spell the answer .

Classic classroom moment. InshAllah, I'll never forget it

[displaced]

conversation with my 5 year old niece...

me: you're my favorite niece who's name starts with a J.
her: you're my favorite tante.
me: so you like me better than tante L and tante G (my sisters in law)?
her: yes
me: do they know that?
her: *thinks* I like everyone the same.
me: you just said you love me best.
her: well..it depends on what you're wearing.
me: how about today?
her: I like your outfit so today I love you best.
me: how about yesterday?
her: tante L.
me: thanks a lot.

[Timbit]

Tante is aunt in Arabic too?


My aunt was having an iftaar party and some of the guests were eating at our house.

Mom: And make sure you guys get up at a reasonable hour tomorrow. You need to clean.
Me: Clean what?
Mom: The house. The men are going to be eating here.
Me: We have to clean?
Big bro: Of course. The house has to be clean!
Me: But... it's Ramadan. I'm sure they'll understand if it's not.
Him: They will not.
Me: There's no time to clean in Ramadan. We're already cooking. Ugh. It's just 'cause they're men. If they were women, they would understand.
Mom: Of course we have to clean! We can't have a dirty house.
Me: Our house isn't dirty; it's fine. And Ramadan's not about cleaning! It's about worship!
Bro: We do clean in Ramadan.
Sister: Yeah... yeah, we do. We clean our hearts!

[Ayooshi]

Originally Posted by Timbit

Bro: We do clean in Ramadan.
Sister: Yeah... yeah, we do. We clean our hearts!

Asalamu Alaikum,

Awwwwwwwww mashaAllah.

Fi AmanAllah

[afrakabob]

Friend: She said that if we get a puppy, I'll be the one taking it for walks, because they pull really hard.
Afra: [mishears] They poo really hard?

[displaced]

Originally Posted by Timbit

Tante is aunt in Arabic too?

no..egypt was occupied by the french so people use certain words like tante, piscine, ascenseur, etc.

[cheesy0strawberries]

oh my God Displaced I will never see tante redda the same way again. i had no idea that was French. ty! oooo I have one I have one!! But one thing you should know before reading this story is that I live in the very near vicinity of a masjid, and have for most of my lil life, and this is one of the congregants who knew me when I was a kid.

I was walking home from my friend's house one night around isha time, and when I discovered the front door was locked, I started to walk around to the back yard gate, and this guy pulls up in front of my driveway and says, "Ziggy! Salam alaikum" in that tone that men use when they are torn between the 7-year-old you and the 5'7" you. So I said hi how are you and all that Emily Post stuff and he asked if I'm "still in school" (a polite way of asking how old I am) and then it got better. He said I look "halal". I didn't know what to say, and I was terribly amused, so I mentally wrote that down in my little book of awesome phrases and I said good night.

[spicyhijabi]

Originally Posted by displaced

no..egypt was occupied by the french so people use certain words like tante, piscine, ascenseur, etc.

Hmm intersting. I grew up calling my aunts Tanty. I always wondered where the word came from.
Germans say Tant too I think.