Cracked Out Real Life Conversations

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

me and my sister were in the wal-mart parking lot:

Sister: why does that fat guy look so happy?

Sister: I've never seen someone look so happy coming out of wal-mart

Me: He probably just bought some cheetos

Sister: You're a horrible person

[vegetables]

sis: you know i have this friend, she really pretty and smart...
me: hold on a sec, how smart is she?
sis: pretty smart she-
me: how do you expect me to manipulate and exert my dominance over a smart girl?
sis: forget it, you're probably not ready
me: thanks for noticing

-----------------------

bro: can you install a new game, im sick of playing this
me: hold that thought <i run to grab the phone and hand it to my bro>
me: you know what to do.
bro: call someone that cares?
me: you got it buddy

[sally]

my 5 year old nephew is sooo unbelievably talkative mA and cute.

he came up to me and was like, "that's a nine west purse right? again?! why do you like nine west sooo much?"

later we're asking him what he wants on the menu for his wedding when he grows up and gets married

him: ummmmm
me: oh, you're gonna have french fries right
him: uhhhhhh, no, are you crazy? why would i have mcdonalds at my wedding?

**
my mom: so are we invited to your wedding?
him: yeah, you are but you probably wont see me that much
my mom: why?
him: um, well you know because im gonna be really busy sitting up there and youre gonna be wayyyy down there
my mom: really? up there where?
him: the stage, duh!!

[Deel]

*phone rings*
me: allo?
fob: hello, can i please speak to mr. or mrs. *****
me: what's this about?
fob: ma'am i'd like to tell you about the great deal on our latest dish networ--
me: i'm not interested.
fob: okay ma'am, thank you. goodbye.

*click*
TEN MINUTES LATER.
*phone rings*

fob: is mr. or mrs. ***** there?
me: what is this about
fob: i'd like to offer you a great deal on dish network
me: DIDN'T YOU JUST CALL???
fob: hello? hello? excuse me? hello?
me: didn't you just call? i know you can hear me. stop calling. i told you i wasn't interested
fob: *click*

Originally Posted by vegetables

sis: you know i have this friend, she really pretty and smart...
me: hold on a sec, how smart is she?
sis: pretty smart she-
me: how do you expect me to manipulate and exert my dominance over a smart girl?
sis: forget it, you're probably not ready
me: thanks for noticing

-----------------------

bro: can you install a new game, im sick of playing this
me: hold that thought <i run to grab the phone and hand it to my bro>
me: you know what to do.
bro: call someone that cares?
me: you got it buddy

sibling love. isn't it the greatest..

[jinnzaman]

*i come home from school and start singing bohemian rhapsody by queen to my mom as i prepare dinner*

Me: Momma. I just killed a man. Put my gun against his head. Pulled the trigger now he's dead.

Mom (in Urdu): What?! Which man?! Why did you kill him?!

Me: haha, nevermind mom, its a song.

Mom (in Urdu): Okay, so what happened to the man?

wah wah wahhhhhhhh

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

me and my sister were making dinner:


Little brother: What are you making?

Me: Monkey brains.

Sister: Yep, battered and fried

Little brother: *looks at me funny and leaves*

*five minutes later*

Brother: Are the friend monkey brains ready yet?

[Ilikemyscarf]

MuslimahPower: i'm going to go to something productable and finish up an assignment.

at another time..

MuslimahPower: and then you inhale and outhale
me: what's outhale?
MuslimahPower: oops, I meant EXHALE.

[iTz_NoT_Me_iTzZu]

I was trying to find my parked car:

Sister: You're the one parked like a drunk


...and I was.. for some reason I parked crazy all day

[zakk]

husband: is 'observership' one word?

me: do you think it's an actual ship?

[Ilikemyscarf]

Sara says:
he's a player
Sara says:
and he's RICH
Sara says:

***** says:
i dont like the player part, but the rich part i like very much.
Sara says:
LOL

[muslimahpower]

So this jumaat was in town and one of the brothers started talking to my brother as if he knew him for a long time. or something like that ...

my brother:....so have we met before? how do you know me?
jumaati guy: you knowwww. when all the souls were gathered in front of Allah.....
my brother: in THIS world
jumaati guy: i came over to your house about four years ago!

[Aida]

After my interview one of the teachers decided to give me a tour of the school.

Teacher: And this is the bre-k room.
Me: Excuse me? Break room?
Teacher: No, bre-k.
Me: Ohhh, pre-k!

[sally]

(06:01:15 PM) Ayooshi: i have a habit of ignoring islamicans who have numbers on the end of their names

[jinnzaman]

So my sister got a bugbite and had to the doctor's office because she had a mild reaction. After her visit, we had lunch at this halal joint and I was asking her what happened. She basically told me that she got bitten in the car by some unknown insect. Anyhow, she started talking about how our parents reacted: mdad's analysis was that the venom was going to go to her heart and kill her and my mom's reaction was to come up with some crazy cockamaney recipe like using vinegar water and rubbing it on the wound. When my sister told me this, I started laughing because I had realized thats exactly how they reacted when I got sick earlier this year. I had a terrible throat infection in January and my dad told me that the infection was going to spread to my heart and kill me and mom would call me everyday and suggest the craziest ideas to "cure" my sickness. Parents rule!

[sally]

this was pretty funny..now that i think about it. it wasnt so much at the time.

my brother annoyed me for a while. the next time i saw him, like an hr later

him: you look good!
me: uhh, that's mean.
him: how...is that mean?
me: im not talking to you
him: but it wasnt even like sarcastic or anything....im serious.
me: whatever.
him: ummm ok...i said..you look good...HOW IS THAT MEAN???????????????? what's up with girls? i dont get them.